Comments | bree_nd: [Flash Fiction] Your Tears Are My Downfall

bree_nd

[Flash Fiction] Your Tears Are My Downfall

Jul 01, 2010 23:16

Title: Your Tears Are My Downfall [Flash Fiction]
Pairing: Onew / Key
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Fluff, Smut (A first try for both!)
Summary: His first sinful time.
Disclaimer: I only own the plot. Thanks to graceful_mind and fabricatedays for helping me with this. :)
A/N: I hope you readers enjoy it. Comments and criticism welcome. This story contains a warning as ( Read more... )

fandom:shinee, rating:nc-17, flash_fiction

Comments 46

Spot bree_nd July 1 2010, 15:30:15 UTC

For kunikoi

(The comment has been removed)

Re: Spot bree_nd July 9 2010, 23:39:19 UTC

Hope you'll enjoy it. :)

(The comment has been removed)

Thread 5

Spot bree_nd July 1 2010, 15:32:50 UTC

For graceful_mind

Re: Spot graceful_mind July 6 2010, 12:48:56 UTC

He whined at not being able to get what he wanted
such a whiny dude, just let him TEASE THE HECK OUT OF YA OK?

preventing him from fucking his lover’s face
NOOOOOOO! I WANTED THAT FACE FUCK YOU KNOW!

“I’ll punish you if you’re going to misbehave.”
be a bad boy!!!!! i want to see the punishment~~~ is crazy, just ignore her

“Baby, your tears are my downfall.”
that's the perfect ending i told ya about in hotmail! omg so pretty.
T________T weeping already. i want my happy ending of smut too~~@!!!

>>'' now that wasn't so hard~ so, write more smut, and get adjust to it.
actually i'm not much of a writer of these smut, only the foreplay turns me onnnnnn~~~
you didn't need to know that btw

Anywaaay.... since i have no idea what sequal this is for~ but i'll guess. To Such a fool?

OKAY what's the prize?

Re: Spot bree_nd July 6 2010, 14:41:18 UTC

Hahaha! Gracie, that's mean... How can you want him to be teased? XD

Maybe next time, okay? It's supposed to torture the guy's who's tied up. How can he get off with just the face fuck?

Hahaha. I think I can't let you read anymore kinky sex. You'll go crazy with lust. XD

I still cannot believe I wrote a fluff ending to kinky sex. WTF? XD

Hahaha. Shall keep the info to blackmail you with it later! :)

Re: Spot bree_nd July 6 2010, 14:32:46 UTC

Baby, how can you divorce me if you're not married to me? Hahaha!

Spot bree_nd July 1 2010, 15:37:25 UTC

For my baby, fabricatedays
Please use it. XD

Re: Spot fabricatedays July 20 2010, 09:12:36 UTC

sorrrrrrrrry. XD i'll be back after this whirlpool of assignments <3

Re: Spot bree_nd July 20 2010, 17:42:30 UTC

It's no problem sweetie. Jiayou for your assignments. :)

Re: Spot fabricatedays August 17 2010, 01:45:28 UTC

wow.
mindblowing.
LOL.
in the midst of all that erotic scenes, i feel as though its really sweet too! (=
its amazing, the way you write! really (:
thank you for sharing love!
im so sorry it took me so long to come back.
please stab me please! XD
love you unnie!

Thread 5

misschatelle July 3 2010, 05:17:13 UTC

I'LL READ THIS TOMORROW!
(When I get back from work -_-)

misschatelle July 4 2010, 03:28:17 UTC

Honestly, I don't see anything that would need to be corrected.

This is very good.

first fic, really?

bree_nd July 4 2010, 05:21:35 UTC

Thanks :)

First smut. That's why I was extremely nervous despite a few others saying that it's pretty good *hides*

gaywritingz July 14 2010, 19:12:46 UTC

Honestly, there's nothing I really need to critique on.
just make it longer ;D cause im a perv like that =D

Instead of writing: "his body coming off the bed in ecstasy. "
Say something like: "his body rose off the bed in ecstasy."

bree_nd July 14 2010, 19:36:40 UTC

I used coming off cause it sounded rougher. I was a little put off by the fluff ending so wanted everything else to portray that edge. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to explain. I hope you understood. XD
I just kinda thought 'rose' seems more romantic as compared to 'coming'. XD

Hahaha! I'll keep trying to make longer kinky fics. Was pretty awkward with this so am glad it's alright. :)

gaywritingz July 14 2010, 19:43:57 UTC

TRUE TRUE TRUE
Did not think of that. WOW XDD
I like that. rougher... yum Oh god im being pervy xDDD

=D It didn't come out awkward at all so keep writing!
Practice makes perfect ;D

bree_nd July 14 2010, 20:01:20 UTC

Hahaha! /is pervy with you. XD

Thank God! You have no idea how nervous I was the night I posted it up. Hahaha! Verge of tears from the fear. Cause I felt awkward writing it - not used to writing smut at all.
Yes, I shall practise more. Hahaha! XD

Thanks for boost of confidence and I hope to please you with a smut soon. XD Pun intended.