(no subject)
Feeling like i'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown isn't a good sign, is it?
I've never had so much on my plate at once, and I feel nervous all the time. It's the fear of not being able to keep up, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of not being able to keep it all together, the fear of not staying in contact with some of my best friends (dear god I miss you guys), the fear of not being strong enough for this all.
But I have to recognize that I'm still holding on. I'm doing better than I have in years in so many ways, so I just need to feel good about it all. I am the healthiest I've been in such a long time! I work out so much now and I am so proud of myself for sticking to something that feels unnatural to me. Derby is fun, but competitive, and because I'm not competitive, everyday is a struggle to feel like I can keep up. You've heard this rant before. It's nothing new.
School is going beyond well. I didn't know I'd find it this natural and fun. I love it, and I look forward to going in the mornings. The kids love me and I love all of them. Walking down the hall and having 5 kids say "Hi Mme. Kehoe!!!) every day helps me realize I'm in the right place. But doing homework until 9 or 10 every night, and on the weekends, leaves me feeling like I never have any downtime. Plus I'm not working so I have no money to enjoy down time.
I realize how stupid this sounds, but I seriously need a vacation. But a vacation where, some way or another, the stresses of life (the stresses of what i'm missing while on this vacation) don't affect me. Somewhere where it's warm, where there is no internet, where I could just sit on a beach and think about nothing!!!
In other news, my sister was here this week. I love her, and I miss her. I wish I could afford to go see her in Quebec, and I'm excited for next year where that might just happen.
Also, I'm sick. Again. Stress doing this to me?
I've never had so much on my plate at once, and I feel nervous all the time. It's the fear of not being able to keep up, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of not being able to keep it all together, the fear of not staying in contact with some of my best friends (dear god I miss you guys), the fear of not being strong enough for this all.
But I have to recognize that I'm still holding on. I'm doing better than I have in years in so many ways, so I just need to feel good about it all. I am the healthiest I've been in such a long time! I work out so much now and I am so proud of myself for sticking to something that feels unnatural to me. Derby is fun, but competitive, and because I'm not competitive, everyday is a struggle to feel like I can keep up. You've heard this rant before. It's nothing new.
School is going beyond well. I didn't know I'd find it this natural and fun. I love it, and I look forward to going in the mornings. The kids love me and I love all of them. Walking down the hall and having 5 kids say "Hi Mme. Kehoe!!!) every day helps me realize I'm in the right place. But doing homework until 9 or 10 every night, and on the weekends, leaves me feeling like I never have any downtime. Plus I'm not working so I have no money to enjoy down time.
I realize how stupid this sounds, but I seriously need a vacation. But a vacation where, some way or another, the stresses of life (the stresses of what i'm missing while on this vacation) don't affect me. Somewhere where it's warm, where there is no internet, where I could just sit on a beach and think about nothing!!!
In other news, my sister was here this week. I love her, and I miss her. I wish I could afford to go see her in Quebec, and I'm excited for next year where that might just happen.
Also, I'm sick. Again. Stress doing this to me?