Take that!
Today, lookturtles and I went out for frozen yogourt. It was a beautiful summer day and I thought we were having a good time. And then she insulted my virtue.
bree_black : So today my mom asked if she could read my Big Bang when it's posted.
lookturtles : ...and what did you say?
bree_black : I warned her it would be porny. She said it's OK she read Harlequin novels. I told her fanfic was kind of like that only better and with fewer women.*
lookturtles : Fic is way more graphic than Harlequins.
bree_black : I know. But my fic has a lot of sex, it's just not crazy-graphic.
AND THEN SHE SAID THIS
lookturtles : You're not one of those people who uses a lot of -ness words, are you? Like "wetness" and "hardness" instead of the actual words?**
bree_black : ...whaaaaaat?
HOW DARE SHE?! JUST BECAUSE I WHINE ABOUT HAVING TO WRITE PORN AND CAN APPRECIATE THE BEAUTY OF AN ELEGANT "FADE TO BLACK" AND DON'T AUTOMATICALLY SKIP ANY PG-13 FIC LIKE *SOME PEOPLE I KNOW* DOES NOT MEAN I CANNOT DO PROPER PORN IF I TRY. I MEAN, IT'S LIKE PULLING TEETH BUT I'LL DO IT. COCK COCK COME COCK FUCK.
So even though she had offended and betrayed me, I finished my fro yo and walked her home because obviously my love is true and endless. And also because pretending to be pissed takes a lot of energy, and I got distracted by a really enormous line of ants outside of the ice cream place.
BUT THEN, three hours later, I got a PM from podficcer extraordinaire chemm80 , whose work I had long-admired (especially her recording of obstinatrix 's smoking Suck and Blow). She's been kind enough to record "The Way I Want You."***
BEHOLD, AUDIO EVIDENCE OF MY PORNINESS. The fic can basically be summarized as "bicker bicker fuck bicker" and there is not a single euphemistic -ness word in there. So...suck it, lookturtles .
* So I warned my mom it was porny and she's probably figured out the slash part (I'm not subtle about that). What I did not tell her about this fic was the INCEST and the THREESOME. But I couldn't tell her she's not allowed to read it because he was being so supportive and I make a big show of not being ashamed of my fannishness and stuff. Why does she want to read this one?! Why couldn't she have been interested back when I was writing wholesome little love stories about a fallen angel and a hunter getting together with the help of a ghost-brother? There's just a single, awkward little blowjob in that one! Or better yet, the gen fic I just wrote! BUT NO.
** Clearly lookturtles and I have no sense of appropriate conversational topics while in a public yogourt store.
*** The recording is fantastic, and it filled me with glee and pride to hear my words come to life. But it is also really awkward listening to your own porn! Surreal. HEY I BET MY MOM WILL WANT TO LISTEN TO IT.