"I'm not the other man." SPOILERS SPN 6.12
Dear Sam,
It's so good to have you back. I love you so fucking much.
Thanks you, for that beautiful hug. For your first word being "Dean." For closing your eyes to savour the moment. For that spectacular do-over.
Thank you, for being empathetic and gentle and profoundly nerdy. All the (amazing) pop culture references were for you, bb.
Thank you for being guilty - not angry - when you found out Dean had been lying to you. Thank you for being responsible and brave and good, to a fault. Also, thank you for being funny, and for (secretly) thinking Dean's funny too.
Thank you for bailing on your own dragon-fight to save Dean - it was something I'd missed this season. I'm so glad your priorities are in order again.
I love you Sam Winchester; never change.
There are so many things I loved about this episode. I loved the pop culture references. WoW, ComicCon, Cloverfield, HOGWARTS. The scene with the sword and the stone was hilarious. I loved Bobby and I loved the dragon-lady and I love how Dean wasn't over-the-top lecherous or over-the-top judgmental about the virgins. I loved everything about that scene with Sam and Cas so fucking much. I love how I was given one hug I'd been pining over, but now I desperately want another hug, too. I love angry Cas and emotional Cas, and all the flavours of Cas. I love all Dean's facial expressions, ever. This episode was the perfect balance of humour and angst and REAL MUSIC OMG. And bat wings even if we couldn't have real dragons. And jokes about Dean rolling around in gold! I'm excited about all the potential in the new Big Bad, and I'm cautiously optimistic about all the female energy and power this could mean we'll get to see.
Mostly, though, I love Sam and Dean and I love how this episode picked right up where "Swan Song" left off.
And now, some sentimental meta like I haven't written since 5.22. Which isn't a coincidence.
If you were around here at the end of season five, you'll remember that I love the hell out of "Swan Song" because, for me:
"What this episode was about was the conclusion of the epic love story of Sam and Dean. About them growing up, and into each other. This episode was about trust, acceptance and forgiveness. For once Dean was following Sam not to save him, not because he didn't trust him, but just to be with him while he died."
For me, "Swan Song" and "Like a Virgin" tie beautifully together. If "Swan Song" was an ending, then "Like a Virgin" is a perfect new beginning for Sam and Dean. In the episode they wash themselves clean of the last remnants of the pain and darkness that's haunted them for nearly three seasons now, finishing what they started at the end of season five.
So the thing that had been bothering me about S6 - and judging from what I've seen and conversations I've had, it had been bugging other people too - was the way S6 seemed to ignore the fundamental change in Sam and Dean's relationship that 5.22 represents for me. Because in S6 it has been an issue of survival that Sam and Dean don't trust one another. Dean couldn't trust roboSam because he was pretty much a stranger, and because his real brother's life depended on getting rid of this guy. I'm not sure roboSam was even capable of trust, but even if he had been he'd have been an idiot to trust Dean Winchester when he was the thing standing between him and his brother. In S6 any relationship Dean and Sam had has - to this point - been built on deception, anger, manipulation, resentment, and a desperate longing for something and someone else. And that's a let down, emotionally, after all the progress 5.22 made.
But last night Sam came back, and he wasn't angry. I think it's significant that Bobby - justifiably mistrustful of Sam - warns Dean that "it's not gonna be cute" when Sam find out they've been lying to him. Bobby expects a blowup, and so did I. But that's not how it happens. Instead, Sam very tenderly gets the truth out of an uncharacteristically warm Cas. The moment is about sad truths delivered by friends, not lies angrily uncovered. And Sam waits for the right moment to tell Dean he knows, after they've solved the case. When Sam does talk to Dean it's an apology, not a confrontation. The fact that Dean lied isn't even an issue, because Sam realizes that there are more important things than anger and bitterness. Instead, Sam is concerned with righting his wrongs, and he's deeply worried about how he may have hurt the people he loves, especially Dean. I think it's worth something that the first word we hear complete-Sam say is "Dean."
Dean too, lets go of any anger he might have had. Shallow as his attempts to dismiss the past year with a simple "that wasn't you!" may seem, they're coming from a really genuine place. For Dean, emotionally, the slate really has been wiped clean from the moment he drove up to that graveyard, to be with Sam while he died. Dean forgave Sam a long time ago, and now that he has the man who (in his mind) is really Sam back, that forgiveness falls back into place. Notice that Dean doesn't fight Sam's decision to right his wrongs - or Sam's insistence that he come along on the dragon hunt. While Dean's instincts are - of course - to protect Sam, he does ultimately let Sam make his own decisions, like the adult he is. Similarly, while he wants to keep the last year and a half a secret to protect Sam's life and his own moment of happiness, he does freely tell Sam about Ben and Lisa, and about making a deal with Death. Though he wants to keep a secret, he also reveals much more than he has to, like he's trying to keep as little from him as he can. When Sam discovers the truth Dean isn't even pissed at Cas; his reaction is more relieved than anything, and his only concern is for Sam's safety and happiness. He realizes, I think, that he can't treat Sam like a child and, more importantly, that he doesn't even need to. Sam's repeated "what would you do?" when he's asking Dean to respect his ability to make his own choices - to come on the hunt, to seek redemption for his soulless self - easily win Dean over because they remind him that Sam is an independent adult who - now that he can feel - can make his own choices. Dean's overprotective big brother act is more out of habit than anything else, and his heart's not really in it.
A lot of the episode reviews were comparing this episode to season two. While I understand that, for me the emotional tone is really all "Swan Song." I said back then that:
"Tonight we saw the end of our love story, and it was actually a happy ending. Our boys came to understand, trust and most importantly love one another as adults worthy of the love they shared as children, and everything else they've been through since."
And that's where we're picking up now. They're being honest with one another. They're hugging with relish. They're closing their car doors at the same time. They're making jokes, and making fun of one another's jokes. They're saving each other during fights and they're doing it as a team, on the same page and fully human for the first time. No one has any dark secrets anymore - thanks to Cas' naivete, though I doubt Dean would had lasted very long before he cracked, too. All the dark secrets are in Purgatory and in Heaven, and Sam and Dean are going to tackle them together. It took an episode for Dean to get used to the change, but he's there now and I couldn't be happier.
Now go kick some ass, boys.