Year in review.
2010 was a really tough year for me, overall. Honestly, I consider it pretty much a win to have made it through. But there were also a lot of really great moments mixed in there, many of which happened *because* I was going through rough times. There's a silver lining to every cloud, or at least that's what I tell myself in the beginning of this bright and shiny new year.
I had a lot of trouble with family this year. Baby sister went through a lot of stuff, and because we were living together and I was the responsible adult, that burden hit me pretty hard. I did a lot of work in counselling - and I have a lot more work to do - about feeling responsible for the happiness of people around me. I'm an emotional sponge - other people's worries become my own - and I need to learn that there are times when I can help, and there are times when I just can't. My sister is back home with my mom now, though, in treatment and doing wonderfully. Sometimes when she gets snippy now I get these really upsetting emotional flashbacks, and I still need to remind myself every day that I am not responsible for her, but we're both doing okay.
I broke up with my partner of four and a half years, and that really sucks. I'm still processing what they means for both my immediate and long term future. In retrospect it's easy to say I should have done this a long time ago, but I'm trying not to beat myself up about that. I gave our relationship everything I had, and at the very least I will never look back and say I didn't try hard enough.
Grad school is really hard. Writing a thesis is even harder, even if you're writing about something you love. I don't think I've ever worked so hard on something with such mediocre results - but all that's going to change this coming year.
All my family trouble threw me into something of a mild depression for the majority of the year. I've gained weight, I haven't slept, and I've just felt pretty awful about myself. But my sister is safe and sound and I feel good about my decision to end my relationship now, and I'm back in counselling and very nearly on track with my thesis. I worked very hard to complete a draft of another chapter before midnight last night, so that I could have a fresh start this year. In so many way I have a fresh start this year, and I'm going to hold on to that.
But even as the past year was tough, there were some absolutely wonderful parts of it. Mostly, I have an absoultely brilliant group of kind, witty, supportive and absolutely brilliant grad school friends who are a joy to spend time with. I also have a perfect best friend back home, who I know I can always count on (and who I'll probably live with next year when I go home!).
I'm especially grateful for the friendship of lookturtles (formerly dress_myself_up ) and ducksgowank over the past year. Without their constant kindness, understanding, companionship and occasional rescue mission, I don't know where I'd be. We haven't actually known each other very long (and ducksgowank thought I was a bitch at first!), but I can't really remember how I survived without them, and I know we'll be lifelong friends.
I also had a pretty fantastic year in a fannish sense. Last summer I saw the Backstreet Boys in concert, and less than a month later went to VanCon. VanCon was an absolute blast, and definitely one of coolest experiences of my life. I made tons of new friends, laughed so hard my stomach hurt, and MISHA FUCKING COLLINS told me I had good taste (and sabotaged my autograph shirt). Special shoutouts go to roommates country_bee , domina_malfoy , quantum_speck and todayiamrhonda , who were the best a fangirl could ask for. I still owe them all that J2 curling AU.
Speaking of fic, I don't have a post for what I wrote this year because it's my entire masterlist. I've been a fandom lurler for years, but this year was the first time since I was a teenager I've actually publicly posted fic. I've learned a lot, and I hope I'm getting better. Mostly I've signed up for fic challenges in order to force myself to write - and that's worked out okay since I successfully completed the deancasbigbang , spn_reversebang , spn_j2_xmas exchange, and am smack dab in the middle of the spnfemmeslashbb . Writing fic has kept me creative when I feel like I'm drowing in academia, and, more importantly, has allowed me to meet and work with a lot of fantastic people (I'm looking at you, vixengeraldine and mementis ). Also, lookturtles and I just signed up to write a Supernatural/due South crossover for the due South big bang. Co-writing and a new fandom will be my challenge this coming year, though I also have a plan for the farmer!fic and the spn_j2_bigbang .
Thanks so much to all of you for giving me fic to read and art to admire, and for squeeing and sympathizing with me. Let's stick together through 2011, okay?
I had a lot of trouble with family this year. Baby sister went through a lot of stuff, and because we were living together and I was the responsible adult, that burden hit me pretty hard. I did a lot of work in counselling - and I have a lot more work to do - about feeling responsible for the happiness of people around me. I'm an emotional sponge - other people's worries become my own - and I need to learn that there are times when I can help, and there are times when I just can't. My sister is back home with my mom now, though, in treatment and doing wonderfully. Sometimes when she gets snippy now I get these really upsetting emotional flashbacks, and I still need to remind myself every day that I am not responsible for her, but we're both doing okay.
I broke up with my partner of four and a half years, and that really sucks. I'm still processing what they means for both my immediate and long term future. In retrospect it's easy to say I should have done this a long time ago, but I'm trying not to beat myself up about that. I gave our relationship everything I had, and at the very least I will never look back and say I didn't try hard enough.
Grad school is really hard. Writing a thesis is even harder, even if you're writing about something you love. I don't think I've ever worked so hard on something with such mediocre results - but all that's going to change this coming year.
All my family trouble threw me into something of a mild depression for the majority of the year. I've gained weight, I haven't slept, and I've just felt pretty awful about myself. But my sister is safe and sound and I feel good about my decision to end my relationship now, and I'm back in counselling and very nearly on track with my thesis. I worked very hard to complete a draft of another chapter before midnight last night, so that I could have a fresh start this year. In so many way I have a fresh start this year, and I'm going to hold on to that.
But even as the past year was tough, there were some absolutely wonderful parts of it. Mostly, I have an absoultely brilliant group of kind, witty, supportive and absolutely brilliant grad school friends who are a joy to spend time with. I also have a perfect best friend back home, who I know I can always count on (and who I'll probably live with next year when I go home!).
I'm especially grateful for the friendship of lookturtles (formerly dress_myself_up ) and ducksgowank over the past year. Without their constant kindness, understanding, companionship and occasional rescue mission, I don't know where I'd be. We haven't actually known each other very long (and ducksgowank thought I was a bitch at first!), but I can't really remember how I survived without them, and I know we'll be lifelong friends.
I also had a pretty fantastic year in a fannish sense. Last summer I saw the Backstreet Boys in concert, and less than a month later went to VanCon. VanCon was an absolute blast, and definitely one of coolest experiences of my life. I made tons of new friends, laughed so hard my stomach hurt, and MISHA FUCKING COLLINS told me I had good taste (and sabotaged my autograph shirt). Special shoutouts go to roommates country_bee , domina_malfoy , quantum_speck and todayiamrhonda , who were the best a fangirl could ask for. I still owe them all that J2 curling AU.
Speaking of fic, I don't have a post for what I wrote this year because it's my entire masterlist. I've been a fandom lurler for years, but this year was the first time since I was a teenager I've actually publicly posted fic. I've learned a lot, and I hope I'm getting better. Mostly I've signed up for fic challenges in order to force myself to write - and that's worked out okay since I successfully completed the deancasbigbang , spn_reversebang , spn_j2_xmas exchange, and am smack dab in the middle of the spnfemmeslashbb . Writing fic has kept me creative when I feel like I'm drowing in academia, and, more importantly, has allowed me to meet and work with a lot of fantastic people (I'm looking at you, vixengeraldine and mementis ). Also, lookturtles and I just signed up to write a Supernatural/due South crossover for the due South big bang. Co-writing and a new fandom will be my challenge this coming year, though I also have a plan for the farmer!fic and the spn_j2_bigbang .
Thanks so much to all of you for giving me fic to read and art to admire, and for squeeing and sympathizing with me. Let's stick together through 2011, okay?