Yes, i actually grew the balls and sent it to him!
I have recently been going over the past few years in my head. I have made some really poor decisions and I just wanted to have a little bit of closure with people before I move out to the west coast. I remember being young and having you, Megan, and Matt. It seems like just yesterday that I let everything I ever worked for go away. It seems like to me that every time someone new comes into my life I seem to forget about the other people I had before them. I don’t know if you were in any way upset when I just stopped seeing you. I am pretty sure we were at a mutual agreement, and I don’t think you wanted anything to do with me anymore anyway. I am not asking for you to be with me again or anything like that. I am just trying to figure things out before I move across the country with only one person in my life. I don’t know if I can ever really open myself up to anyone and thinking back on the 6 years we spent on and off before these past two years shows that to me. I can’t even really remember much about you. I feel like we lived our relationship in silence. I am going to tell you everything I ever felt and needed from you, so I can move on. Feel free to stop reading if you think it is a mistake for me to be doing this.
I read back on the little messages and notes that I ever got from you. I was head over heels completely and totally in love with you. It was a nasty, gross ending that I got from you in the beginning. When you called me the first time and broke up with me it was completely out of the blue and I had no idea how to act, never-mind feel. I don’t think I ever really told you how fucked up I really was. I spent 2 weeks out of my life crying over something that I don’t even think was reciprocated on your part. The other part that followed was the worst part. I puked my guts out until there was nothing left to puke, and then I continued heaving. After we sort of got back together when you moved in the new apartment with your mom and dad I don’t even know if it was like we were seeing each other again or if it was about the sex. Don’t get me wrong the sex was great and I don’t think I will ever be able to have that much sex again in my life, but I want to know if there was any feeling involved with it. I know I would have done anything to be with you, and I am not sure why I put myself through the torture every time.
Then after we went a year or two without one another just as I am about to go to college and move in with my friends, you make another way into my life. I am again not sure if the sex had a meaning (not from my part but yours) but I was engulfed again into the spinning out of control wanting to be with you forever. When you moved back in with your mom and I spent nights over your house, I again didn’t know if you were even feeling any type of emotion from the sex, or if you were just doing it because that’s all we ever did. Then I remember the final thing that took me over the edge and the turning point where I decided in my head that you did not want me at all, it was all over. Again the world as a knew it came crashing down, I dropped out of school, I woke up in a bad state and living with my friends did not help. I was on the verge of commiting suicide, I was scared, my mom was scared and I did not know where to go next. Here is the part of my life that I spun around as you “hating me”
“i dont need some one running around an giving me there shit about emotions my brain is filled wit pain, an i dont have the chemical to waste. ur so better than me
trash this an dont look back im pushing u to do good not hold u back just live life”
I look back on this little part of my life that I was willing to throw away and it was saying the opposite of hateful things. It seems to me now, that you were telling me pretty much that I can move on and do better. You wanted me to make something out of my life, while I was cool with just being with you.
I want to thank you for pushing me forward and telling me to let go. I want you to know that there will always be a special place for you in my past. I am grateful for the memories I have shared with you, the excellent blowjob skills I gained from our relationship (LOL), and most of all your willingness to let me go. I hope someday we can share a nice cold beer together.
I am not going to intrude on your life and ask for anything more than an acknowledgement back. I understand that you have a girlfriend that you might be in love with head over heels. I just hope that someday you will find someone who will make your heart as full as you have made mine. And I want to thank you for letting me find someone who feels that way for me.
Love always,
~Bree~
I read back on the little messages and notes that I ever got from you. I was head over heels completely and totally in love with you. It was a nasty, gross ending that I got from you in the beginning. When you called me the first time and broke up with me it was completely out of the blue and I had no idea how to act, never-mind feel. I don’t think I ever really told you how fucked up I really was. I spent 2 weeks out of my life crying over something that I don’t even think was reciprocated on your part. The other part that followed was the worst part. I puked my guts out until there was nothing left to puke, and then I continued heaving. After we sort of got back together when you moved in the new apartment with your mom and dad I don’t even know if it was like we were seeing each other again or if it was about the sex. Don’t get me wrong the sex was great and I don’t think I will ever be able to have that much sex again in my life, but I want to know if there was any feeling involved with it. I know I would have done anything to be with you, and I am not sure why I put myself through the torture every time.
Then after we went a year or two without one another just as I am about to go to college and move in with my friends, you make another way into my life. I am again not sure if the sex had a meaning (not from my part but yours) but I was engulfed again into the spinning out of control wanting to be with you forever. When you moved back in with your mom and I spent nights over your house, I again didn’t know if you were even feeling any type of emotion from the sex, or if you were just doing it because that’s all we ever did. Then I remember the final thing that took me over the edge and the turning point where I decided in my head that you did not want me at all, it was all over. Again the world as a knew it came crashing down, I dropped out of school, I woke up in a bad state and living with my friends did not help. I was on the verge of commiting suicide, I was scared, my mom was scared and I did not know where to go next. Here is the part of my life that I spun around as you “hating me”
“i dont need some one running around an giving me there shit about emotions my brain is filled wit pain, an i dont have the chemical to waste. ur so better than me
trash this an dont look back im pushing u to do good not hold u back just live life”
I look back on this little part of my life that I was willing to throw away and it was saying the opposite of hateful things. It seems to me now, that you were telling me pretty much that I can move on and do better. You wanted me to make something out of my life, while I was cool with just being with you.
I want to thank you for pushing me forward and telling me to let go. I want you to know that there will always be a special place for you in my past. I am grateful for the memories I have shared with you, the excellent blowjob skills I gained from our relationship (LOL), and most of all your willingness to let me go. I hope someday we can share a nice cold beer together.
I am not going to intrude on your life and ask for anything more than an acknowledgement back. I understand that you have a girlfriend that you might be in love with head over heels. I just hope that someday you will find someone who will make your heart as full as you have made mine. And I want to thank you for letting me find someone who feels that way for me.
Love always,
~Bree~