Fanfic: Walking in a Winter Wonderland
I know I still owe you birthday fic, but first! I wrote Christmas fic! (This is why I love December, guys. So many wonderful holidays. :D )
Title: Walking in a Winter Wonderland: Five Ways to Celebrate Christmas
Author: bredalot
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3689 (this started out as a series of, like, drabbles, and turned into much more)
Summary: Christmas music is the soundtrack of the season. Five possible Christmases based on five Christmas carols, Barney/Robin and more.
Disclaimer: I suppose I own Ted's wife, but she's not really important anyway. The rest belong to those who are far more clever than I.
Author's Note: Some of these are set farther in the future than others; many are based on the current dynamic between Barney and Robin. Also, whoever catches my dorky little crossover gets Internet cookies. (What? I needed a network in New York!) Finally, this is my first full-length HIMYM fic (ooh…), so while I’m not entirely happy with parts of it, I’m hoping I’ll get better. Oh, and I named Ted’s wife randomly, because it was getting awkward.
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
“There’s bound to be talk tomorrow/ /At least there will be plenty implied/ /Oh, but it’s cold outside”
Robin set down her glass and stretched as Barney’s wall-sized television set flickered with the credits of It’s a Wonderful Life. For no reason she’d ever been able to figure, that movie always made her unbelievably sleepy, and even the blinding glare off Barney’s TV hadn’t changed that. (The scotch probably helped, she had to admit.)
“I’d better head home,” she said. “Thanks for having me over, Barney. With Lily and Marshall at her parents’ and Ted down at his sister’s, I really didn’t want to spend Christmas Eve alone.”
“Hey, no problem,” he said. “And listen, you don’t have to go home.”
Robin rolled her eyes are Barney, a stern mock-glare on her face. “Not gonna happen, Barney.”
“I didn’t mean that!” Under her challenging gaze, though, Barney quavered. “Well, not entirely, anyway. Just that you could stay here. I mean, it’s past midnight on Christmas Eve, and it’s snowing. You’ll never get a cab.”
“I could take the subway, Barney.”
He practically guffawed.
“I’m serious!”
Seeing that she really was, Barney’s face sobered. “You can’t ride that - that public transportation,” he said, spitting out the final words as if they were a curse that would kill everyone he loved.
“Come on, Barney; it’s not that bad.”
“Yes, it is! And besides, it’s snowing.”
“You do realize the subway runs underground, don’t you? It’s not actually impeded by the snow?”
“Come on, Robin. Do you really want to walk all the way to the subway, wait half an hour for a train, spend half an hour ON the train, and then walk all the way home? In the snow?”
She realized that her argument was probably impeded by the fact that her ankles were propped comfortably on his lap, and as she went to sit up, she yawned so wide that her jaw cracked. Barney took it as a sign of victory.
“See! Come on, Robin, just stay here. I’ve even got a spare blanket!”
“I thought you just had the one?”
He shrugged. “Lily.”
Robin understood - Lily could be quite the force of nature. “Ah.”
“Just stay for one more drink. Or a Christmas cigar!” From some mysterious crevice of the couch, Barney had pulled a box of red-and-green striped cigars.
“Barney, those are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.”
“I know, aren’t they? Come on, Scherbatsky, you know you want to try one.”
“Well, ok. But just one!”
When she woke up the next morning, curled on Barney’s couch and tucked under a comforter that she definitely didn’t remember putting on, she saw the remains of two cigars resting in an ashtray and two almost-empty glasses of scotch resting on the coffee table and groaned. If she didn’t get home before Ted woke up, this would be forever known as “The Christmas Robin Slept With Barney. Again,” and that definitely couldn’t happen.
(At least if she had, the rumors would be worth it.)
“What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?”
“Ah, but in case I stand one little chance/Here comes the jackpot question in advance”
“Well, this sucks.” Robin plopped herself into the booth at MacLaren’s, interrupting an argument between Marshall and Ted over whether or not there was fact behind the rumors that a functioning lightsaber had been developed.
“What’s wrong, Robin?” Lily asked, looking glad to have something to discuss other than Star Wars and science.
“George dumped me.”
“I thought you didn’t like him very much.”
“I didn’t. But he was cute, and now I don’t have a date for the big QVN New Year’s party. Also, who dumps someone in December? That’s just rude!”
“Aw, I’m sorry, Robin. But hey! This means you can spend New Year’s with us!”
“No, I’ve got to at least put in an appearance. And if I show up without a date and leave early, they’ll think it’s because I’m ashamed. So I’ve either got to stay for the whole thing, or find a date.”
“Here’s what you do: find a guy, any guy - shouldn’t be hard, for that network - show up for an hour, ditch the guy and come over to our party.”
“Lily, that’s mean.”
“Oh, all right. I know. But what are you going to do?”
“Probably just that.” Robin sighed. She didn’t like it, but it was that or have a miserable New Year’s with a stranger.
Later that night, it was just Lily and Robin and Barney in the booth - Ted and Marshall’s argument had come to the point where it could only be settled by a Wii lightsaber battle, and they’d run upstairs, still arguing. “At least it’s not swords this time,” Lily had fondly sighed - and the subject returned to New Year’s Eve.
“Barney, do you have a date for New Year’s?” Lily asked.
“Pssh, please. Like I’d tie myself down in advance on a night when the city is full of drunk chicks depressed that they couldn’t find a date. It’d be like - like being Jewish and going to a bakery on Hanukkah.”
“Passover?”
“What’s the difference?”
Robin rolled her eyes as Lily gestured excitedly, bouncing up and down in her seat. “Ooh, ooh! Robin!”
“NO, Lily.”
“But it’s perfect!”
“Did you hear what he said?”
Barney looked from one face to the other, utterly confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing,” Robin said, but was drowned out by Lily’s outburst of, “Robin needs a date for New Year’s!”
“Need me to step in?”
“One, I don’t think I’ve ever been asked out by anyone who seemed to care less. Two, no, thanks, I’ll find someone else.”
“Ok, if you’re sure.”
“I am.”
He wasn’t, though. And at the end of the night, when Robin had nearly forgotten about it, after Lily had gone upstairs to fetch Marshall, Barney turned back to Robin. “Listen, Robin, I was wondering if you had plans for New Year’s Eve.”
“Barney, what are you doing?” He’s not above ridiculing himself for a joke, and she knows this, so she had a ready-made laugh lurking in her voice.
“I’m doing this right.” The laugh faded out, because that didn’t sound like a joke. “Robin, I’d love to be your escort to wherever you’d like to go on New Year’s.” He was looking her earnestly in the eyes, and she was reminded of why he can get any girl he looks at twice. And then he grinned wickedly and said, “I’ve even got a brand-new tux,” and she also remembered that he is too ridiculous to be real.
“Sure, Barney. I’d like that,” she said, and to her (not entire) surprise, she really meant it.
He looked surprised, though. “So you mean all I had to do was ask nicely?”
She wanted to argue, but she couldn’t come up with anything, so she said instead, “I guess.”
“Huh,” he said, and looked off into space as he filed that fact away, and then he slid out of the booth, waiting for her to follow.
Robin had a strange feeling in her stomach, and she couldn’t tell if it was the leaden weight of dread or the twisting of excitement. Whatever happened on December 31st, it would definitely be legend- dammit, Robin.
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”
“Here we are as in olden days/Happy golden days of yore”
This part of the story never gets told to Ted’s kids, because it happened some years after his marriage but before the birth of the kids, and it wasn’t a particularly noteworthy Christmas. Marshall and Lily were still living in their old apartment. Lily was newly pregnant with their first child, and they were hosting Christmas at their house as a sort of last hurrah, before babies and toddlers made hosting any holiday celebration seem impossible. Ted and his wife Claire were living in the city, but looking at places to raise children - leaning towards Brooklyn and staying away from New Jersey - and so the trip to Marshall and Lily’s was highlighted with happy house-spotting, accompanied by loud boredom from Barney and Robin, neither of whom could conceive of permanently leaving Manhattan or even moving away from the center.
Their arrival was hailed with subdued shouts and enthusiastic hugs. Robin and Claire gushed with congratulations over Lily’s pregnancy while Ted and Barney followed Marshall into the kitchen, where beers were handed round, each of them taking an extra for the girls, including a special non-alcoholic brew for Lily, who didn’t like to be left out. They hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks at this point, all of them getting absorbed into the small circle of their own lives, but they settled comfortably back into each other’s company. When the girls beckoned them out from the kitchen, they carried the beers with them, casually handing them off. Barney half-leaned, half-sat on the arm of the chair Robin was sitting in, and they clinked the mouths of their bottles together in a casual cheers. Ted settled onto the couch with his arm around Claire’s shoulders, and she leaned into him happily, while Marshall and Lily stood surveying the scene and beaming.
“Guys,” Marshall said, sounding a little choked up, as was his wont, “I just wanted to tell you all how glad I am that we can all get together like this.”
Robin leaned into Barney’s shoulder and whispered in his ear, “Make him shut up?” Barney just grinned at her, and she smiled back.
Marshall acknowledged it without missing a beat. “Robin, I heard that. And I just wanted to say that, even though we haven’t really had time to see each other lately, I do love you guys. And, um, it wouldn’t be Christmas without you. So, cheers.”
Ted wouldn’t admit it, but he was on the verge of tears, too. “Marshall, we love you, too!”
Barney was next. “We do, Marshall!”
“Aw, guys!” Marshall looked a little sheepish, but it didn’t last long as the boys got up to hug, all three enthusiastically throwing their arms around each other.
Claire leaned towards Robin. “This is kind of sad. I think we should join in.”
Robin nodded. “Definitely.”
So the girls weren’t far behind, and they celebrated their last child-free Christmas with a six-person group hug, all of them torn between laughter and tears. As they broke apart, finally, Marshall kissed the top of Lily’s head, Ted’s and Claire’s hands twined together, and Barney’s hand lingered on the curve of Robin’s waist as she playfully bumped his hip with hers.
It wasn’t a noteworthy Christmas, by any means: there were no fires, no unexpected declarations or violent slaps, not even a goat. It wasn’t noteworthy, so the story never gets told, but it lasted in all their memories as one of their favorites.
“Sleigh Ride”
“Come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you”
As his Christmas gift to Marshall and Lily, Barney had arranged an old-fashioned sleigh ride through Central Park, newly and unusually clad in a thick layer of pure white snow. On Christmas morning, he blindfolded both of them and brought them, by means of a roundabout taxi ride, to just inside the gates of Central Park, where a low-slung white sleigh awaited them, tied up behind a pair of matched brown mares, harnesses strung with silver bells. The snow lay sparkling on the trees all around, and as one of the horses shook her head, sending all the bells singing, the scene before them looked lifted straight out of a painting from the 19th century. Lily went nearly into raptures, and Marshall was close to tears, a fact Barney magnanimously refrained from pointing out.
“Barney, it’s beautiful. I can’t believe you’d do this for us.”
“Pssh, it ain’t no big thang,” Barney said, looking away almost bashfully. He loved giving the perfect gift to his friends, but he hated having it pointed out. So he gestured to the man hovering politely just out of earshot, who came over, bowed to all three, and handed both Lily and Marshall into the sleigh before sitting in front to drive the horses. Lily and Marshall tucked the blanket they found at their feet around their laps, and Lily reached up to hug Barney awkwardly.
“Thank you, Barney,” she said.
“Merry Christmas, guys,” he said, and nodded to the driver. The sleigh pulled away, and Marshall and Lily kissed sweetly. A close observer might have seen a wistful smile on Barney’s face as he watched them disappear between the trees.
A few hours later, they were finishing up a semi-potluck Christmas dinner at Marshall and Lily’s apartment when it started to snow, the flakes light and temporary but lovely as they fell. Robin, who occasionally missed the heavy snowfall of her hometown in rainy New York, grinned as she pulled on her coat and ran to the door, Minnesota-born Marshall not far behind, hopping as he pulled on his boots. “It’s a white Christmas, guys!” he called, spinning around and hopping and very nearly crashing to the ground. The others followed less enthusiastically, glad to see the snow now but dreading the weeks of slush that would follow, practical New Yorkers all. But standing in the street with Robin and Marshall, all they could see was the beauty of the moment.
Seeing the snowflakes forming a halo around Robin’s head, the white shining bright against the dark of her hair, Barney made a plan. He sent a quick and silent text message, then followed the others back inside to await its fulfillment.
He didn’t have to wait long. Twenty minutes later, a uniformed police officer was knocking on the door. When Lily answered, he politely removed his hat and said, “I’m sorry to interrupt your Christmas, ma’am, but I’m looking for a Robin Scherbatsky.”
Lily got this terrified look on her face and said, “Why? Is something wrong?”
The officer chuckled lightly. “Oh, no, nothing of the sort. It’s just that she’s won our annual donors’ drawing, and we’d like her to come down to the station for her prize.”
Heads swiveled to face Robin. “What? They give guns a good name!” Barney grinned to himself, glad his gamble had paid off.
Lily turned back to the officer. “Does it have to be today? It’s Christmas!”
“I know, ma’am, and I’m very sorry about that, but the chief leaves tomorrow on vacation and he wanted to thank her in person. I’ll have her back within the hour.”
Robin stood up and picked up her coat, sorry to leave the party but not willing to turn down a prize. Barney stood up rapidly and took his coat off the hook as well: “I’ll come too. The chief of police is a personal friend, you know; maybe I can speed this up.”
Robin shot him a curious look, knowing he wasn’t telling the truth but not going to argue with a friend’s offer. “We’ll see you guys soon,” Barney said over his shoulder as the followed the cop downstairs.
Robin didn’t even get suspicious until they stopped in front of Central Park. Then she turned to Barney and said, “What the hell are you doing?”
“Come on,” Barney said, sliding out of his door and holding his hand out to her. “I’ll show you.” As she gripped his hand and slid out of the car herself, he whispered to the cop, “thanks, Brad. We’ll be back soon.”
Barney led Robin through the gates into Central Park, where, for the second time that day, a sleigh led by two brown mares stood awaiting its riders. Barney dropped her hand and asked, nervously, “Well, what do you think?”
“I think it’s ridiculously cheesy. What, were the reindeer not available? What about a live snowman?”
“Scherbatsky, please. I do have class.”
Maybe Robin could tell he was blustering to hide the hurt, or maybe she just did think it was perfect, because she turned to him with a soft smile on her face and said, “It’s beautiful, Barney.”
“Would you like to ride?”
“Of course.”
He gave her his hand to help her up into the sleigh. She would’ve protested, as it wasn’t that high, but he leaned in and murmured into her ear, “Wouldn’t want you falling out of this one,” and she was so torn between anger and amusement that she was seated with him next to her before she knew what was going on. Barney took the reins from the groom, arranged the blanket around their laps, and set the horses trotting.
“You can drive?” Robin asked in amazement.
“Of course. Who can’t?”
“Well, considering you can’t even drive a car…”
“I told you, man was not meant to travel at such breakneck speeds!” Hearing the tension in his voice, Robin smoothed her hand down his arm.
“It’s ok. This is more fun anyway,” she said, pulling herself in close to him (for warmth, she told herself, and she quietly pushed aside the question of why he was doing this) as they rode off into the wintry glow of late afternoon.
“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”
“There’ll be much mistletoe-ing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near”
It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, that Christmas. Robin didn’t have a job, and Lily was still deep in credit card debt, and Marshall was still worried about mortgage payments. They agreed ahead of time that it was going to be small, just fun with the family they’d made for themselves, no elaborate gifts.
But Barney didn’t understand the meaning of that.
Come Christmas afternoon, when they all got together and exchanged gifts at Robin and Ted’s apartment, Barney showed up with just a small bag in his hand, and Lily sighed with relief. But then, around the corner, came an all-but-invisible man carrying an immense armload of packages. As he navigated the furniture in the room, finding his way sight unseen to the Christmas tree by the windows, the other four watched agape. Barney casually nodded as if nothing odd was going on, saying, “What’s up, guys?” The man deposited the packages under the tree with an “Oof” before turning around.
“Ranjit!”
“Hello!”
Ted moved forward. “Merry Christmas, Ranjit!”
“Merry Christmas to you!”
“Yeah, yeah, thanks, Ranjit,” said Barney, ushering him towards the door, pausing to shake his hand and slip a hundred-dollar bill into his palm, smiling as he did. There were the faint sounds of “Merry Christmas!” from the other side of the door as it closed behind Ranjit.
“Barney!” Robin said. “That was rude!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want to invite him to dinner?”
Everyone else looked aside, at the floor or ceiling, ashamed to admit that no, they hadn’t. (But still!) Lily was the first to change the subject: “Barney, we said no big gifts.”
“I thought you were joking.”
Ted looked around in awkward confusion. “Barney, that’s a terrible joke.”
“Yeah, I know, that’s why I didn’t laugh.” He was impossible. “So, when do we open presents?”
“After dinner,” Lily said. “But Barney, we were serious - we don’t have anything to match - that,” and she gestured towards the Christmas tree.
“Pssh, like you would anyway.” As Marshall went to protest, trying to say that it wasn’t fair, Barney shut him up. “I didn’t get you gifts because I thought you’d get them for me. I got you gifts because that’s what you do for your friends at Christmas.”
No one could respond to that, so Ted just clapped Barney on the back as Marshall said with a hint of a choke in his voice, “So, should we eat?”
It was a wonderful Christmas, full of laughter and love. Marshall kept catching Lily under the mistletoe hung for that express purpose (it was Lily’s favorite decoration, and while the others thought it was silly, it was also rather sweet to watch them. At least, it was the first dozen times). Ted told corny jokes which the others genuinely laughed at (after a few glasses of wine and eggnog). Barney took great joy in handing out his many elaborate presents and receiving token gifts in exchange: silly cufflinks from Ted, a Christmas tie from Marshall which he immediately put on despite the fact that it didn’t match his suit, a Naked Chef cookbook and matching home-painted apron from Lily (“Because that’s just disgusting,” she said), and a bartending book from Robin (“So you know what drinks have already been invented,” she said).
And later, as they were getting ready to head home and Lily and Marshall were helping Ted in the kitchen, Robin stopped Barney.
“That was really sweet of you, Barney. I tend to forget…”
“Oh, that’s ok,” he said, because for all he wanted to have her this close, looking at him so softly, he wasn’t sure this was the best time or place.
Robin glanced up, catching sight of the mistletoe hanging above their heads. “Look,” she said, with a shyly wicked smile on her face; “mistletoe.”
And then Barney’s heart started to race, and he started having trouble breathing. “It’s such a ridiculous tradition,” he said. “I don’t even know what it means - “
But then he shut up quickly, because Robin had gripped his new Christmas tie and kissed him hard, if briefly, whispering, “Merry Christmas, Barney,” into his ear before releasing him and smoothing his tie down his chest.
And for all he’d spent many times more on their gifts than they had on his, Barney couldn’t help but feel that he’d gotten something worth much more in return.
Title: Walking in a Winter Wonderland: Five Ways to Celebrate Christmas
Author: bredalot
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3689 (this started out as a series of, like, drabbles, and turned into much more)
Summary: Christmas music is the soundtrack of the season. Five possible Christmases based on five Christmas carols, Barney/Robin and more.
Disclaimer: I suppose I own Ted's wife, but she's not really important anyway. The rest belong to those who are far more clever than I.
Author's Note: Some of these are set farther in the future than others; many are based on the current dynamic between Barney and Robin. Also, whoever catches my dorky little crossover gets Internet cookies. (What? I needed a network in New York!) Finally, this is my first full-length HIMYM fic (ooh…), so while I’m not entirely happy with parts of it, I’m hoping I’ll get better. Oh, and I named Ted’s wife randomly, because it was getting awkward.
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
“There’s bound to be talk tomorrow/ /At least there will be plenty implied/ /Oh, but it’s cold outside”
Robin set down her glass and stretched as Barney’s wall-sized television set flickered with the credits of It’s a Wonderful Life. For no reason she’d ever been able to figure, that movie always made her unbelievably sleepy, and even the blinding glare off Barney’s TV hadn’t changed that. (The scotch probably helped, she had to admit.)
“I’d better head home,” she said. “Thanks for having me over, Barney. With Lily and Marshall at her parents’ and Ted down at his sister’s, I really didn’t want to spend Christmas Eve alone.”
“Hey, no problem,” he said. “And listen, you don’t have to go home.”
Robin rolled her eyes are Barney, a stern mock-glare on her face. “Not gonna happen, Barney.”
“I didn’t mean that!” Under her challenging gaze, though, Barney quavered. “Well, not entirely, anyway. Just that you could stay here. I mean, it’s past midnight on Christmas Eve, and it’s snowing. You’ll never get a cab.”
“I could take the subway, Barney.”
He practically guffawed.
“I’m serious!”
Seeing that she really was, Barney’s face sobered. “You can’t ride that - that public transportation,” he said, spitting out the final words as if they were a curse that would kill everyone he loved.
“Come on, Barney; it’s not that bad.”
“Yes, it is! And besides, it’s snowing.”
“You do realize the subway runs underground, don’t you? It’s not actually impeded by the snow?”
“Come on, Robin. Do you really want to walk all the way to the subway, wait half an hour for a train, spend half an hour ON the train, and then walk all the way home? In the snow?”
She realized that her argument was probably impeded by the fact that her ankles were propped comfortably on his lap, and as she went to sit up, she yawned so wide that her jaw cracked. Barney took it as a sign of victory.
“See! Come on, Robin, just stay here. I’ve even got a spare blanket!”
“I thought you just had the one?”
He shrugged. “Lily.”
Robin understood - Lily could be quite the force of nature. “Ah.”
“Just stay for one more drink. Or a Christmas cigar!” From some mysterious crevice of the couch, Barney had pulled a box of red-and-green striped cigars.
“Barney, those are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.”
“I know, aren’t they? Come on, Scherbatsky, you know you want to try one.”
“Well, ok. But just one!”
When she woke up the next morning, curled on Barney’s couch and tucked under a comforter that she definitely didn’t remember putting on, she saw the remains of two cigars resting in an ashtray and two almost-empty glasses of scotch resting on the coffee table and groaned. If she didn’t get home before Ted woke up, this would be forever known as “The Christmas Robin Slept With Barney. Again,” and that definitely couldn’t happen.
(At least if she had, the rumors would be worth it.)
“What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?”
“Ah, but in case I stand one little chance/Here comes the jackpot question in advance”
“Well, this sucks.” Robin plopped herself into the booth at MacLaren’s, interrupting an argument between Marshall and Ted over whether or not there was fact behind the rumors that a functioning lightsaber had been developed.
“What’s wrong, Robin?” Lily asked, looking glad to have something to discuss other than Star Wars and science.
“George dumped me.”
“I thought you didn’t like him very much.”
“I didn’t. But he was cute, and now I don’t have a date for the big QVN New Year’s party. Also, who dumps someone in December? That’s just rude!”
“Aw, I’m sorry, Robin. But hey! This means you can spend New Year’s with us!”
“No, I’ve got to at least put in an appearance. And if I show up without a date and leave early, they’ll think it’s because I’m ashamed. So I’ve either got to stay for the whole thing, or find a date.”
“Here’s what you do: find a guy, any guy - shouldn’t be hard, for that network - show up for an hour, ditch the guy and come over to our party.”
“Lily, that’s mean.”
“Oh, all right. I know. But what are you going to do?”
“Probably just that.” Robin sighed. She didn’t like it, but it was that or have a miserable New Year’s with a stranger.
Later that night, it was just Lily and Robin and Barney in the booth - Ted and Marshall’s argument had come to the point where it could only be settled by a Wii lightsaber battle, and they’d run upstairs, still arguing. “At least it’s not swords this time,” Lily had fondly sighed - and the subject returned to New Year’s Eve.
“Barney, do you have a date for New Year’s?” Lily asked.
“Pssh, please. Like I’d tie myself down in advance on a night when the city is full of drunk chicks depressed that they couldn’t find a date. It’d be like - like being Jewish and going to a bakery on Hanukkah.”
“Passover?”
“What’s the difference?”
Robin rolled her eyes as Lily gestured excitedly, bouncing up and down in her seat. “Ooh, ooh! Robin!”
“NO, Lily.”
“But it’s perfect!”
“Did you hear what he said?”
Barney looked from one face to the other, utterly confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing,” Robin said, but was drowned out by Lily’s outburst of, “Robin needs a date for New Year’s!”
“Need me to step in?”
“One, I don’t think I’ve ever been asked out by anyone who seemed to care less. Two, no, thanks, I’ll find someone else.”
“Ok, if you’re sure.”
“I am.”
He wasn’t, though. And at the end of the night, when Robin had nearly forgotten about it, after Lily had gone upstairs to fetch Marshall, Barney turned back to Robin. “Listen, Robin, I was wondering if you had plans for New Year’s Eve.”
“Barney, what are you doing?” He’s not above ridiculing himself for a joke, and she knows this, so she had a ready-made laugh lurking in her voice.
“I’m doing this right.” The laugh faded out, because that didn’t sound like a joke. “Robin, I’d love to be your escort to wherever you’d like to go on New Year’s.” He was looking her earnestly in the eyes, and she was reminded of why he can get any girl he looks at twice. And then he grinned wickedly and said, “I’ve even got a brand-new tux,” and she also remembered that he is too ridiculous to be real.
“Sure, Barney. I’d like that,” she said, and to her (not entire) surprise, she really meant it.
He looked surprised, though. “So you mean all I had to do was ask nicely?”
She wanted to argue, but she couldn’t come up with anything, so she said instead, “I guess.”
“Huh,” he said, and looked off into space as he filed that fact away, and then he slid out of the booth, waiting for her to follow.
Robin had a strange feeling in her stomach, and she couldn’t tell if it was the leaden weight of dread or the twisting of excitement. Whatever happened on December 31st, it would definitely be legend- dammit, Robin.
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”
“Here we are as in olden days/Happy golden days of yore”
This part of the story never gets told to Ted’s kids, because it happened some years after his marriage but before the birth of the kids, and it wasn’t a particularly noteworthy Christmas. Marshall and Lily were still living in their old apartment. Lily was newly pregnant with their first child, and they were hosting Christmas at their house as a sort of last hurrah, before babies and toddlers made hosting any holiday celebration seem impossible. Ted and his wife Claire were living in the city, but looking at places to raise children - leaning towards Brooklyn and staying away from New Jersey - and so the trip to Marshall and Lily’s was highlighted with happy house-spotting, accompanied by loud boredom from Barney and Robin, neither of whom could conceive of permanently leaving Manhattan or even moving away from the center.
Their arrival was hailed with subdued shouts and enthusiastic hugs. Robin and Claire gushed with congratulations over Lily’s pregnancy while Ted and Barney followed Marshall into the kitchen, where beers were handed round, each of them taking an extra for the girls, including a special non-alcoholic brew for Lily, who didn’t like to be left out. They hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks at this point, all of them getting absorbed into the small circle of their own lives, but they settled comfortably back into each other’s company. When the girls beckoned them out from the kitchen, they carried the beers with them, casually handing them off. Barney half-leaned, half-sat on the arm of the chair Robin was sitting in, and they clinked the mouths of their bottles together in a casual cheers. Ted settled onto the couch with his arm around Claire’s shoulders, and she leaned into him happily, while Marshall and Lily stood surveying the scene and beaming.
“Guys,” Marshall said, sounding a little choked up, as was his wont, “I just wanted to tell you all how glad I am that we can all get together like this.”
Robin leaned into Barney’s shoulder and whispered in his ear, “Make him shut up?” Barney just grinned at her, and she smiled back.
Marshall acknowledged it without missing a beat. “Robin, I heard that. And I just wanted to say that, even though we haven’t really had time to see each other lately, I do love you guys. And, um, it wouldn’t be Christmas without you. So, cheers.”
Ted wouldn’t admit it, but he was on the verge of tears, too. “Marshall, we love you, too!”
Barney was next. “We do, Marshall!”
“Aw, guys!” Marshall looked a little sheepish, but it didn’t last long as the boys got up to hug, all three enthusiastically throwing their arms around each other.
Claire leaned towards Robin. “This is kind of sad. I think we should join in.”
Robin nodded. “Definitely.”
So the girls weren’t far behind, and they celebrated their last child-free Christmas with a six-person group hug, all of them torn between laughter and tears. As they broke apart, finally, Marshall kissed the top of Lily’s head, Ted’s and Claire’s hands twined together, and Barney’s hand lingered on the curve of Robin’s waist as she playfully bumped his hip with hers.
It wasn’t a noteworthy Christmas, by any means: there were no fires, no unexpected declarations or violent slaps, not even a goat. It wasn’t noteworthy, so the story never gets told, but it lasted in all their memories as one of their favorites.
“Sleigh Ride”
“Come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you”
As his Christmas gift to Marshall and Lily, Barney had arranged an old-fashioned sleigh ride through Central Park, newly and unusually clad in a thick layer of pure white snow. On Christmas morning, he blindfolded both of them and brought them, by means of a roundabout taxi ride, to just inside the gates of Central Park, where a low-slung white sleigh awaited them, tied up behind a pair of matched brown mares, harnesses strung with silver bells. The snow lay sparkling on the trees all around, and as one of the horses shook her head, sending all the bells singing, the scene before them looked lifted straight out of a painting from the 19th century. Lily went nearly into raptures, and Marshall was close to tears, a fact Barney magnanimously refrained from pointing out.
“Barney, it’s beautiful. I can’t believe you’d do this for us.”
“Pssh, it ain’t no big thang,” Barney said, looking away almost bashfully. He loved giving the perfect gift to his friends, but he hated having it pointed out. So he gestured to the man hovering politely just out of earshot, who came over, bowed to all three, and handed both Lily and Marshall into the sleigh before sitting in front to drive the horses. Lily and Marshall tucked the blanket they found at their feet around their laps, and Lily reached up to hug Barney awkwardly.
“Thank you, Barney,” she said.
“Merry Christmas, guys,” he said, and nodded to the driver. The sleigh pulled away, and Marshall and Lily kissed sweetly. A close observer might have seen a wistful smile on Barney’s face as he watched them disappear between the trees.
A few hours later, they were finishing up a semi-potluck Christmas dinner at Marshall and Lily’s apartment when it started to snow, the flakes light and temporary but lovely as they fell. Robin, who occasionally missed the heavy snowfall of her hometown in rainy New York, grinned as she pulled on her coat and ran to the door, Minnesota-born Marshall not far behind, hopping as he pulled on his boots. “It’s a white Christmas, guys!” he called, spinning around and hopping and very nearly crashing to the ground. The others followed less enthusiastically, glad to see the snow now but dreading the weeks of slush that would follow, practical New Yorkers all. But standing in the street with Robin and Marshall, all they could see was the beauty of the moment.
Seeing the snowflakes forming a halo around Robin’s head, the white shining bright against the dark of her hair, Barney made a plan. He sent a quick and silent text message, then followed the others back inside to await its fulfillment.
He didn’t have to wait long. Twenty minutes later, a uniformed police officer was knocking on the door. When Lily answered, he politely removed his hat and said, “I’m sorry to interrupt your Christmas, ma’am, but I’m looking for a Robin Scherbatsky.”
Lily got this terrified look on her face and said, “Why? Is something wrong?”
The officer chuckled lightly. “Oh, no, nothing of the sort. It’s just that she’s won our annual donors’ drawing, and we’d like her to come down to the station for her prize.”
Heads swiveled to face Robin. “What? They give guns a good name!” Barney grinned to himself, glad his gamble had paid off.
Lily turned back to the officer. “Does it have to be today? It’s Christmas!”
“I know, ma’am, and I’m very sorry about that, but the chief leaves tomorrow on vacation and he wanted to thank her in person. I’ll have her back within the hour.”
Robin stood up and picked up her coat, sorry to leave the party but not willing to turn down a prize. Barney stood up rapidly and took his coat off the hook as well: “I’ll come too. The chief of police is a personal friend, you know; maybe I can speed this up.”
Robin shot him a curious look, knowing he wasn’t telling the truth but not going to argue with a friend’s offer. “We’ll see you guys soon,” Barney said over his shoulder as the followed the cop downstairs.
Robin didn’t even get suspicious until they stopped in front of Central Park. Then she turned to Barney and said, “What the hell are you doing?”
“Come on,” Barney said, sliding out of his door and holding his hand out to her. “I’ll show you.” As she gripped his hand and slid out of the car herself, he whispered to the cop, “thanks, Brad. We’ll be back soon.”
Barney led Robin through the gates into Central Park, where, for the second time that day, a sleigh led by two brown mares stood awaiting its riders. Barney dropped her hand and asked, nervously, “Well, what do you think?”
“I think it’s ridiculously cheesy. What, were the reindeer not available? What about a live snowman?”
“Scherbatsky, please. I do have class.”
Maybe Robin could tell he was blustering to hide the hurt, or maybe she just did think it was perfect, because she turned to him with a soft smile on her face and said, “It’s beautiful, Barney.”
“Would you like to ride?”
“Of course.”
He gave her his hand to help her up into the sleigh. She would’ve protested, as it wasn’t that high, but he leaned in and murmured into her ear, “Wouldn’t want you falling out of this one,” and she was so torn between anger and amusement that she was seated with him next to her before she knew what was going on. Barney took the reins from the groom, arranged the blanket around their laps, and set the horses trotting.
“You can drive?” Robin asked in amazement.
“Of course. Who can’t?”
“Well, considering you can’t even drive a car…”
“I told you, man was not meant to travel at such breakneck speeds!” Hearing the tension in his voice, Robin smoothed her hand down his arm.
“It’s ok. This is more fun anyway,” she said, pulling herself in close to him (for warmth, she told herself, and she quietly pushed aside the question of why he was doing this) as they rode off into the wintry glow of late afternoon.
“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”
“There’ll be much mistletoe-ing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near”
It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, that Christmas. Robin didn’t have a job, and Lily was still deep in credit card debt, and Marshall was still worried about mortgage payments. They agreed ahead of time that it was going to be small, just fun with the family they’d made for themselves, no elaborate gifts.
But Barney didn’t understand the meaning of that.
Come Christmas afternoon, when they all got together and exchanged gifts at Robin and Ted’s apartment, Barney showed up with just a small bag in his hand, and Lily sighed with relief. But then, around the corner, came an all-but-invisible man carrying an immense armload of packages. As he navigated the furniture in the room, finding his way sight unseen to the Christmas tree by the windows, the other four watched agape. Barney casually nodded as if nothing odd was going on, saying, “What’s up, guys?” The man deposited the packages under the tree with an “Oof” before turning around.
“Ranjit!”
“Hello!”
Ted moved forward. “Merry Christmas, Ranjit!”
“Merry Christmas to you!”
“Yeah, yeah, thanks, Ranjit,” said Barney, ushering him towards the door, pausing to shake his hand and slip a hundred-dollar bill into his palm, smiling as he did. There were the faint sounds of “Merry Christmas!” from the other side of the door as it closed behind Ranjit.
“Barney!” Robin said. “That was rude!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want to invite him to dinner?”
Everyone else looked aside, at the floor or ceiling, ashamed to admit that no, they hadn’t. (But still!) Lily was the first to change the subject: “Barney, we said no big gifts.”
“I thought you were joking.”
Ted looked around in awkward confusion. “Barney, that’s a terrible joke.”
“Yeah, I know, that’s why I didn’t laugh.” He was impossible. “So, when do we open presents?”
“After dinner,” Lily said. “But Barney, we were serious - we don’t have anything to match - that,” and she gestured towards the Christmas tree.
“Pssh, like you would anyway.” As Marshall went to protest, trying to say that it wasn’t fair, Barney shut him up. “I didn’t get you gifts because I thought you’d get them for me. I got you gifts because that’s what you do for your friends at Christmas.”
No one could respond to that, so Ted just clapped Barney on the back as Marshall said with a hint of a choke in his voice, “So, should we eat?”
It was a wonderful Christmas, full of laughter and love. Marshall kept catching Lily under the mistletoe hung for that express purpose (it was Lily’s favorite decoration, and while the others thought it was silly, it was also rather sweet to watch them. At least, it was the first dozen times). Ted told corny jokes which the others genuinely laughed at (after a few glasses of wine and eggnog). Barney took great joy in handing out his many elaborate presents and receiving token gifts in exchange: silly cufflinks from Ted, a Christmas tie from Marshall which he immediately put on despite the fact that it didn’t match his suit, a Naked Chef cookbook and matching home-painted apron from Lily (“Because that’s just disgusting,” she said), and a bartending book from Robin (“So you know what drinks have already been invented,” she said).
And later, as they were getting ready to head home and Lily and Marshall were helping Ted in the kitchen, Robin stopped Barney.
“That was really sweet of you, Barney. I tend to forget…”
“Oh, that’s ok,” he said, because for all he wanted to have her this close, looking at him so softly, he wasn’t sure this was the best time or place.
Robin glanced up, catching sight of the mistletoe hanging above their heads. “Look,” she said, with a shyly wicked smile on her face; “mistletoe.”
And then Barney’s heart started to race, and he started having trouble breathing. “It’s such a ridiculous tradition,” he said. “I don’t even know what it means - “
But then he shut up quickly, because Robin had gripped his new Christmas tie and kissed him hard, if briefly, whispering, “Merry Christmas, Barney,” into his ear before releasing him and smoothing his tie down his chest.
And for all he’d spent many times more on their gifts than they had on his, Barney couldn’t help but feel that he’d gotten something worth much more in return.