So I guess I'm taking a year off.
But I have no idea what I'm going to do and it's kind of scary.
I feel like fighting would be a cool thing to pursue, but I'm afraid that fighting on the 15th without really being prepared for it is going to act as a deterrent for me. I know that if I lose I'll be discouraged. And fighting costs so much money. I don't even know if this May fight is feasible for me, Tami's supposed to be getting a sponsor to pay for stuff for me, but I haven't heard any news on that front.
I've started writing a book. I feel like that would be a good goal to work on for the year. Wouldn't it be cool if I actually finished it and then got published?
I feel like those two ideas are fantasies. Obviously I'd have to work as well. But the library doesn't pay enough, my second job is only for the summer, and I'm not renewing my lease at this place, so I'll need lots of cash on hand to get a new one. I really don't want to move back in with my parents after this year. In fact, I literally refuse. I would rather couch hop or something.
I guess there's also the idea J's been talking about. Chicago would be awesome. But cities are expensive and that plan entails living with J's mom for an undetermined amount of time, and how well would that work out? Besides the fact that neither of us have jobs up there and he definitely spent seven months finding this one. Apparently master's degrees don't count for shit.
I hate unknowns and uncertainty and that's all my future (after July) has in it. It's hard not to stress now, and on top of all my other issues, it's making me kind of crazy. I've always figured that as long as I'm aware of the crazy it can't be too big of a problem. But now I'm considering the possibility that being aware of the crazy means the crazy's gotten out of hand.
I feel like fighting would be a cool thing to pursue, but I'm afraid that fighting on the 15th without really being prepared for it is going to act as a deterrent for me. I know that if I lose I'll be discouraged. And fighting costs so much money. I don't even know if this May fight is feasible for me, Tami's supposed to be getting a sponsor to pay for stuff for me, but I haven't heard any news on that front.
I've started writing a book. I feel like that would be a good goal to work on for the year. Wouldn't it be cool if I actually finished it and then got published?
I feel like those two ideas are fantasies. Obviously I'd have to work as well. But the library doesn't pay enough, my second job is only for the summer, and I'm not renewing my lease at this place, so I'll need lots of cash on hand to get a new one. I really don't want to move back in with my parents after this year. In fact, I literally refuse. I would rather couch hop or something.
I guess there's also the idea J's been talking about. Chicago would be awesome. But cities are expensive and that plan entails living with J's mom for an undetermined amount of time, and how well would that work out? Besides the fact that neither of us have jobs up there and he definitely spent seven months finding this one. Apparently master's degrees don't count for shit.
I hate unknowns and uncertainty and that's all my future (after July) has in it. It's hard not to stress now, and on top of all my other issues, it's making me kind of crazy. I've always figured that as long as I'm aware of the crazy it can't be too big of a problem. But now I'm considering the possibility that being aware of the crazy means the crazy's gotten out of hand.