(no subject)
i can't even begin to say how horrible tonight was.
i really really really can't.
my family dynamic is straight fucked up,
apparently because of me.
but i'll try and stand tall, knowing that its not my fault that my parents relationship is fucked up,
solely because of me.
they need to work out their problems before they can even begin to say anything to me.
its just so damn hard when you constantly butt-heads with people all the time,
espically when it's yer own damn parents.
its really hard to not be understood by the people that are each half of you.
i just want everything to be like it was when i was little,
because at least then no one screamed at each other all the time.
at least then i knew i was welcome in my own house.
so it'll be what it'll come to be, and i guess we'll go from there.
i just want to be happy, and sometimes i think that changing the way that i am will make that all better,
and it may for two of the most important people in my life, but it won't make the most important
person in my life happy, and that would be me.
and i guess, it's "selfish" but I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE right now.
i need to think about me and what makes me happy, and how i am going to do that,
and then try and have my family come around.
and one day i hope that they do, because then i know that i could be really happy.
but, ugh, fuck.
this sucks, i can't keep trying to cheer myself up when there is nothing to be happy about.
i really really really can't.
my family dynamic is straight fucked up,
apparently because of me.
but i'll try and stand tall, knowing that its not my fault that my parents relationship is fucked up,
solely because of me.
they need to work out their problems before they can even begin to say anything to me.
its just so damn hard when you constantly butt-heads with people all the time,
espically when it's yer own damn parents.
its really hard to not be understood by the people that are each half of you.
i just want everything to be like it was when i was little,
because at least then no one screamed at each other all the time.
at least then i knew i was welcome in my own house.
so it'll be what it'll come to be, and i guess we'll go from there.
i just want to be happy, and sometimes i think that changing the way that i am will make that all better,
and it may for two of the most important people in my life, but it won't make the most important
person in my life happy, and that would be me.
and i guess, it's "selfish" but I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE right now.
i need to think about me and what makes me happy, and how i am going to do that,
and then try and have my family come around.
and one day i hope that they do, because then i know that i could be really happy.
but, ugh, fuck.
this sucks, i can't keep trying to cheer myself up when there is nothing to be happy about.