(no subject)
so i have a lot to say......first let me start off with last night and today as a whole......last night i called cameron because lets face it, i still like him, ok "love" him.... so i call him and we really talk, which was unexpected because he opens up to me, but we usually dont talk about "us"....a long story and i dont feel like informing....so anyway my phone was being a pain in the ass, but so we say things that im really glad they were said....yea so he insinuates certain things like "yea so im kinda looking for a girlfriend right about now" ----ok so does that mean me? then we decide to go out to lunch, so today im talked into wearing a skirt!!!!! yikers! me in a skirt...just call me casper, honestly who spilled the milk? ok.....so i go out to lunch and it was the first time we have gone out to lunch and havent fought, which made me think maybe he really will change for me? because we had a long discussion about the things we want in the both of us to change...which if you think about it, its kind of ridiculous....we cant ask each other to change just because we want the perfect person...dana once told me that you cant love a person if you love them because......i love that saying and it holds true! ok so then i talk to cameron about my weekend plans and he seems kind of jealous of the fact that im hanging out with john and not him? so i go out to eat with john at panda and that was fun and then we went to party city....which was fun as well.....then we go to his house and we rented "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" because he had never seen it, so i made him watch it...and now he loves it! of course, because im perfect...kidding! anyway so i had a really good time because i like john andi know that out of everyone, john will treat me better than anyone else....because john is a great guy and i love that randomly he will look at me and ask me if im ok? or if i need anything? how sweet! but thats john....why is he so nice to me? why does he treat me so well? it would be so much easier if he was an ass, like the rest of them! but he isnt and i dont know what to do....? i was going to talk to him about it, but i decided against that....i was going to tell him that i really do like him and that i do want to date him.... but wait hold the phone...last night cameron kinda insinuated that he wanted to date again, and really care about cameron and wouldnt mind dating him again....i do think its worth the pain and all the heartbreak...wow that sounded really cliche.....oh well who the fuck cares? i sure dont...anyway i feel like sleeping or just lying on one of the most two comfortable places i have ever been....-----> 1) camerons bed...possible the most comfortable bed i have ever been on!!!!!.......2)johns love sac...yea i know i know that sounds really bad....but its a really nice differnt kind of bean bag, and its 6 ft long! its really comfortable......either way i like them both, i love both of their parents....combined it would be the most perfect man ever! i cant give either one of them up, because its a difference between loving cameron and the way me and cameron "connect"...and then the way me and john laugh and have a great time....theres a definite "connection" between me and him too....i dont know, call me dumb......