Another last night in another place
Like I mentioned last time, I'm moving soon. Tomorrow, to be exact. Once again, I sit here looking at everything around me trying to soak it all in. This is my last night living at home with my mom in my old room. These last 2+ years here and I've finally reached my goal. I was hoping it wouldn't take this long to accomplish considering I had credits that transferred, but I wasn't able to start school back in Spring '17 due to the timing of getting back home and how everything went down when I left AR. There wasn't enough time to transfer my credits or financial aid info. There was also one summer that I didn't have class because I did not receive financial aid for that term. Either way, I still did it and I'm glad that I did.
This is the second time in my life that I've had a final night here before moving out. I hope it's the last time. The previous was back in '06 - almost 13 years ago, god damn. I must confess, I don't remember as much about those times as I wish I did. I wish I had more photos, writings, or something. It was a different time for sure. Brant as my roommate, Kenzie as my girlfriend, moving to Greenville for the first time ever, 18 years old, and enrolling at PCC. Man, what an era. Nostalgia is a hard drug.
As usual, I'm sentimental. I hate endings and such. Even though I don't like living in a house filled with junk, dust, and the seasonal bugs/mice - I will still miss it in a way. It's still my childhood home. I still love my mom and am thankful for her help. She's done so much for me, probably too much. I can never really repay her. Lots of memories here. These last 2+ years have added more, even if they weren't particularly eventful. I did a good amount of partying, school work, gaming, hiding out, helping, and sleeping. I kind of liked having my private room, hidden away when I didn't want to be bothered. I didn't have to share it with anyone. There's something about that which pleases my introversion. Who knows what the future may bring. The next time I'm here staying the night, it could be for crazy reasons that I don't really want to think about right now. To think, over two years ago when I moved back in and was sleeping in the living room playing PS4 and fighting off sadness is long gone now. Time is weird. I hope my mom does OK without me. I'm sure she will be a bit lonely even if I wasn't always here or the best company. I also hope she can get the house in order, but I have my doubts. I worry this room will turn into another junk room even if she claims it to only be temporary. I want to help, I've wanted to help, but her methods aren't very effective or timely. Maybe things can change. I don't want her to hurt herself messing with it all or living amongst it. I need to make sure I maintain a good relationship with her after I'm gone. I owe her that.
I wish I'd kept more of my debt paid off. A decent chunk got paid, but I also accrued some more. Not as much as before, but enough to regret. Addressing it is a priority once income is stable. The new job will pay pretty decently though so it should work out alright. I also want at least $1,000 to put in savings. Then I can worry about luxuries for myself a little more.
Some good news: I was pretty sick the last few days. 101+ fever, swollen lymph nodes, painful throat, and body aches/chills. It was rough. I say it was good because it lead me to the doctor after a while. While there, I brought up all the health problems I've been having and got diagnosed and prescribed medication. I'm pretty hopeful that it will do the trick and no more doctor visits will be needed for now. This would be huge. It's been over a year since I felt normal or healthy. It really robbed me of myself and my energy. I just hope it's gone and that I can make positive changes. I'm so glad I finally went. The medication has made me feel almost normal again.
As for this current final night in my little bedroom, I'll miss it. It's been a journey for sure. I'd like to think I've made some improvements, maybe not all I needed, but some progress has been made. I am hopeful for what comes next. A little scared because I've seen how things can end up, but I think some anxiety is normal. I hope to succeed, learn, grow, and keep improving. I want the best for mom, Jen, and myself. I will do my best.
That's all for now. The Internet is down and I'm on mobile. I didn't even intend to write as much as I have, but I did. I need to backup all these entries here because I know this place won't be around forever. I would hate to lose all of this, even if reading some of it feels very cringey and embarrassing. It's still my life and nostalgia. I'm surprised I've kept up with it periodically since 2009, I don't think I ever intended to. It just became a good place to vent in a pseudo private-but-public way. Anyway, time to put on a movie and try to find some sleep.
This is the second time in my life that I've had a final night here before moving out. I hope it's the last time. The previous was back in '06 - almost 13 years ago, god damn. I must confess, I don't remember as much about those times as I wish I did. I wish I had more photos, writings, or something. It was a different time for sure. Brant as my roommate, Kenzie as my girlfriend, moving to Greenville for the first time ever, 18 years old, and enrolling at PCC. Man, what an era. Nostalgia is a hard drug.
As usual, I'm sentimental. I hate endings and such. Even though I don't like living in a house filled with junk, dust, and the seasonal bugs/mice - I will still miss it in a way. It's still my childhood home. I still love my mom and am thankful for her help. She's done so much for me, probably too much. I can never really repay her. Lots of memories here. These last 2+ years have added more, even if they weren't particularly eventful. I did a good amount of partying, school work, gaming, hiding out, helping, and sleeping. I kind of liked having my private room, hidden away when I didn't want to be bothered. I didn't have to share it with anyone. There's something about that which pleases my introversion. Who knows what the future may bring. The next time I'm here staying the night, it could be for crazy reasons that I don't really want to think about right now. To think, over two years ago when I moved back in and was sleeping in the living room playing PS4 and fighting off sadness is long gone now. Time is weird. I hope my mom does OK without me. I'm sure she will be a bit lonely even if I wasn't always here or the best company. I also hope she can get the house in order, but I have my doubts. I worry this room will turn into another junk room even if she claims it to only be temporary. I want to help, I've wanted to help, but her methods aren't very effective or timely. Maybe things can change. I don't want her to hurt herself messing with it all or living amongst it. I need to make sure I maintain a good relationship with her after I'm gone. I owe her that.
I wish I'd kept more of my debt paid off. A decent chunk got paid, but I also accrued some more. Not as much as before, but enough to regret. Addressing it is a priority once income is stable. The new job will pay pretty decently though so it should work out alright. I also want at least $1,000 to put in savings. Then I can worry about luxuries for myself a little more.
Some good news: I was pretty sick the last few days. 101+ fever, swollen lymph nodes, painful throat, and body aches/chills. It was rough. I say it was good because it lead me to the doctor after a while. While there, I brought up all the health problems I've been having and got diagnosed and prescribed medication. I'm pretty hopeful that it will do the trick and no more doctor visits will be needed for now. This would be huge. It's been over a year since I felt normal or healthy. It really robbed me of myself and my energy. I just hope it's gone and that I can make positive changes. I'm so glad I finally went. The medication has made me feel almost normal again.
As for this current final night in my little bedroom, I'll miss it. It's been a journey for sure. I'd like to think I've made some improvements, maybe not all I needed, but some progress has been made. I am hopeful for what comes next. A little scared because I've seen how things can end up, but I think some anxiety is normal. I hope to succeed, learn, grow, and keep improving. I want the best for mom, Jen, and myself. I will do my best.
That's all for now. The Internet is down and I'm on mobile. I didn't even intend to write as much as I have, but I did. I need to backup all these entries here because I know this place won't be around forever. I would hate to lose all of this, even if reading some of it feels very cringey and embarrassing. It's still my life and nostalgia. I'm surprised I've kept up with it periodically since 2009, I don't think I ever intended to. It just became a good place to vent in a pseudo private-but-public way. Anyway, time to put on a movie and try to find some sleep.