Unexpectedly, a silence fell over the house - a dismal, lonely sound, or lack thereof...
So much has changed since I last posted. That seems to be the norm for this thing, right? My past heartbreak has long mended. I finally gave up and accepted everything that was happening and began having a somewhat normal life again. In October of last year, on Halloween to be precise, I met another girl. Weird, right? Three or four of my most serious relationships have started by meeting on Halloween or close to it. I wonder why that is? Anyway, I met a girl named Danielle (DJ) and she seemed interested in persuing me so I thought why not - give it a shot. At this time I had already tried talking to women again with some success but I had yet to meet one that really caught my eye. At the time, I had already started seeing a different girl named Jennifer that I previously messaged on OkCupid way back in the summer. She was funny, outgoing, intelligent, and attractive but we didn't see each other too often and things sort of started off slowly. After hanging out with DJ I decided that I really liked her so I had to break things off with Jenni. I definitely made the right decision.
Fast-forward about a year and I find myself here. We've grown extremely close and are very compatible. It's basically the best relationship I've ever been in. She's amazing in so many ways. I've recently gotten a new job (finally!) that pays much better than my previous though I lose a bit of freedom - a sacrifice that is worth it and what is best for me. No more pizza prison! It won't be an easy job at first but hopefully I will adapt and earn decent money compared to my pathetic income before now. My grandfather fractured his neck a month ago and is having an extended, difficult recovery :( I feel for my mom. She's sacrificed so much in life to help her family. I hope I can give back to her some day when she needs it. It's been rough on her, I can tell.
So this is where the catch comes in, right? As usual, something fucked up always happens to me when things are going well. Here's the snag. DJ is 99% likely to get a job in Arkansas this coming summer :( This means we will either have to do long distance or end the relationship. I feel like I have no option but I cannot ask her to stay or choose me over this. It's too important for her life - this is her chance at landing her dream job in a dream town. Unfortunately, it isn't as good of a fit for me as it is her. I knew this from the start, though. I knew I'd have to let her go at some point. It was only a matter of when and where. I don't know what to do :( I'm hoping I'll come up with something in the next six months. I really want to be with her but having an unknown amount of long-distance relationship time + not particularly wanting to relocate to Eureka Springs makes things really difficult. I'll basically be making 100% of the concessions on this decision. It seems unfair because it is but this is something far more important for her than just me. I think life is just like that sometimes. :\
One of the saddest things in my life has also happened very recently. On October 25 I came home to find my kitty cat Banks dead on my bed. It was one of the most heartwrenching, terrible feelings I've ever had in my life. Calling his name and seeing him not move made my stomach fall into my feet. I was completely numb, devestated by this unforseen event. DJ drove me to my mom's house to bury him as I felt that was appropriate. I was a mess all day long and part of the next day. I still miss him so much. It's very weird to not hear him moving around or not seeing him sleeping somewhere random. Just like that, my cat man was gone. No warning, no illness, and no goodbye. My heart is broken :( After a bit of research I've come to the conclusion that what happened to him was likely hard to detect, sudden, and unstoppable. He likely passed on quickly without much pain and for that I am grateful. I love him so very much and just wish that I could hold him again and give him a hug :) He was a sweetheart when it mattered. Last Tuesday when I found out about DJ, he slept beside me all night. I will treasure that memory for the rest of my life. I suppose my takeaway from all of this is to treasure what I love and not take anyone or anything for granted. It can fade away in an instant. I think he had a decent life. I took care of him within my means but I do regret not spending more time with him. I hope he understood and loved me as much as I loved him. I will never forget him and the time that we spent together. I love you, Banks.
So what now? I've lost my cat and may very well lose the best relationship I've ever had. If I don't lose my girlfriend, I may lose the best job I've ever had. What can I do? I wish I had some answers. I guess time will reveal them. For now I have to focus on my job so I can learn the ropes quickly. In the meantime, I need to make sure I don't take my family, friends and girlfriend for granted. They've all been super supportive and I don't think they'll ever understand how much it's meant to me. Until next time...