Out of the frying pan and onto the backburner...
So. Things did hit the fan regarding the relationship. She came back from the beach and we talked. Long story short, it sounds like she is unhappy without me, unhappy with me, and just plain unhappy. She has a lot to worry about right now and she dropped some cliche bullshit on me about how it's mostly her and not me. I think there is some truth to it but whatever.
Things happened between us since we broke up. She heard I was talking to some other girl and got jealous. We went to a party together and things were a little weird at one point. Ended up crashing at her place but I know she didn't want me there. She likely wanted some other dude there. I heard a lot of things about her from people at the party that sort of rang true with conclusions that I came to while in the relationship. People said she's toxic, I heard a lot of people don't really care for her, if she can't have it her way she gets crazy, arm-chair feminist, ragey, poison, that she will make you feel like everything is your fault, she's an angry and bitter person, etc, etc. Her ex of two years told me getting away from her was the best thing that's happened. Pretty harsh stuff, to be honest.
The next morning things were pretty normal. She wanted to invite me along to a thing to cheer her friend up on Monday but left me hanging. I took some of her stuff back to her. I knew her heart was hurting no matter how hard she wanted to hide it. She asked me what I was up to that weekend and I told her my plans. We hung out at the pool on Saturday and things seemed alright. Hung out with her and a group at Christy's later that night. I know she was texting some guy (I even know who it is, pretty easy guess actually.) Seems like things didn't work out that night for her so she tagged along to a house party afterwards. I gave her a ride back home and we had fun on the way.
Tuesday rolls around and by then I'm just in the mindset of forgetting her. Saying I just need to stay away, blah blah, still a bit sad about it all ending even though things in my head tell me I probably dodged a bullet. Planned on saying nothing to her and ignoring every bit of social media. Then, of course, BAM. Tuesday morning I get a text telling me about her thinking about going back to school which lead to asking what I was doing for lunch. We had lunch and it was nice but I'm sure it's mostly because her roommate is out of town this week. I'm so bad with self-control :\ I just get caught up on the little things. Every time we part ways, she hugs me. We cradle her dog and laugh, she still calls me pet names, she still makes plans for us to do stuff, her GChat icon is still a picture of us. Weird, right? I think she's still a bit confused. She doesn't want me but still has lingering feelings and wants to keep options open. I know she's seeking out this other guy. Maybe it would lead to getting laid or a drinks/dinner but there's nothing there in the long run, in my opinion. She is desperate to not move back in with her parents. By the end of the month she will be gone somewhere and that's probably a good thing for me. Just yesterday I mentioned that I got a game to work that we tried to play once. She said we have to finish it some time. Also wants me to try on a vest for some costume party that she wants to work on with me. Pretty sure I'm on the backburner at this point and I shouldn't be. I need to just suck it up and say fuck that shit. Decline her invitations and chats, move on. I'm living in Ayden again with my aunt and uncle and things are improving a bit. Michael and I found a place we like so we'll probably go with it and move out some time in July. I'm glad Michael and I are still friends and can be roommates. I felt bad for being a bad friend to him at certain points, some of it was Leah's influence but I think I was also just mad at him for acting foolish. I think even he would agree he was being crazy at the time but I should have been more supportive. He's a good friend, I'll miss him some day. Been exercising and making a lot of positive changes in my life. I think I should continue doing that and, unfortunately, one positive change is leaving her behind. Things will be alright. I will make them alright.
Things happened between us since we broke up. She heard I was talking to some other girl and got jealous. We went to a party together and things were a little weird at one point. Ended up crashing at her place but I know she didn't want me there. She likely wanted some other dude there. I heard a lot of things about her from people at the party that sort of rang true with conclusions that I came to while in the relationship. People said she's toxic, I heard a lot of people don't really care for her, if she can't have it her way she gets crazy, arm-chair feminist, ragey, poison, that she will make you feel like everything is your fault, she's an angry and bitter person, etc, etc. Her ex of two years told me getting away from her was the best thing that's happened. Pretty harsh stuff, to be honest.
The next morning things were pretty normal. She wanted to invite me along to a thing to cheer her friend up on Monday but left me hanging. I took some of her stuff back to her. I knew her heart was hurting no matter how hard she wanted to hide it. She asked me what I was up to that weekend and I told her my plans. We hung out at the pool on Saturday and things seemed alright. Hung out with her and a group at Christy's later that night. I know she was texting some guy (I even know who it is, pretty easy guess actually.) Seems like things didn't work out that night for her so she tagged along to a house party afterwards. I gave her a ride back home and we had fun on the way.
Tuesday rolls around and by then I'm just in the mindset of forgetting her. Saying I just need to stay away, blah blah, still a bit sad about it all ending even though things in my head tell me I probably dodged a bullet. Planned on saying nothing to her and ignoring every bit of social media. Then, of course, BAM. Tuesday morning I get a text telling me about her thinking about going back to school which lead to asking what I was doing for lunch. We had lunch and it was nice but I'm sure it's mostly because her roommate is out of town this week. I'm so bad with self-control :\ I just get caught up on the little things. Every time we part ways, she hugs me. We cradle her dog and laugh, she still calls me pet names, she still makes plans for us to do stuff, her GChat icon is still a picture of us. Weird, right? I think she's still a bit confused. She doesn't want me but still has lingering feelings and wants to keep options open. I know she's seeking out this other guy. Maybe it would lead to getting laid or a drinks/dinner but there's nothing there in the long run, in my opinion. She is desperate to not move back in with her parents. By the end of the month she will be gone somewhere and that's probably a good thing for me. Just yesterday I mentioned that I got a game to work that we tried to play once. She said we have to finish it some time. Also wants me to try on a vest for some costume party that she wants to work on with me. Pretty sure I'm on the backburner at this point and I shouldn't be. I need to just suck it up and say fuck that shit. Decline her invitations and chats, move on. I'm living in Ayden again with my aunt and uncle and things are improving a bit. Michael and I found a place we like so we'll probably go with it and move out some time in July. I'm glad Michael and I are still friends and can be roommates. I felt bad for being a bad friend to him at certain points, some of it was Leah's influence but I think I was also just mad at him for acting foolish. I think even he would agree he was being crazy at the time but I should have been more supportive. He's a good friend, I'll miss him some day. Been exercising and making a lot of positive changes in my life. I think I should continue doing that and, unfortunately, one positive change is leaving her behind. Things will be alright. I will make them alright.