(no subject)
i seriously dont even know. I think i actually may be crazy. Please tell me how a 10 minute phone call can change absolutely everything. I thought i felt guilty before? no, not even close. That wasn't even guilt before. I thought it was just over. But every single time I talk to him its like we break up all over again. Same amount of hurt, same amount of loss. And it sucks because everytime im happy, everytime i think im doing ok.. there creeps in that guilt. Like oh, maybe i should be miserable. I like being strong enough not to pick up the phone. I liked avoiding because then i could pretend like it wasnt there. but jesus, it was 11 months. So typically high school, "ah 11 months!" but that is a long time. That's alot of getting to know someone, getting to know their family, schedule, friends. I just hate it, i hate everything about this. It would be alot easier if i hated him, too. They say it takes half of the time youre with someone to get over them. Its going to be a long 5 1/2 months.