Becoming a Teacher
I have two weeks left in my Argument & Debate class. I'm registered for Public Speaking for Summer II session. In the fall, I will do my internship (again).
I have worked at obtaining my teaching certificate for two years now. It seemed like a smart choice. Teaching jobs have a stability that other jobs do not always have. The children of this world will always need teachers.
So why am I so hesitant to enter this esteemed field? It's a lot of responsibility. I do not want to fail my students as I feel some of my teachers failed me. Professors and advisers have told me that a person should not go into teaching if their heart is not in it. I would like to add that a person should not go into teaching if they don't have the skills to teach. Being a teacher means being organized, caring, strict, having high expectations for oneself and for one's students, it's being able to defend practices and lessons to parents and administrators, it's being able to be diplomatic. I would argue that it is one of the most difficult jobs there is.
And I don't think I'm up for it. I hate being responsible for others - what if I make some horrible, terrible mistake? What if I let someone down? I'm not a patient person and I don't like confrontation. What would I do if a parent attacked me? How can I hold my students accountable when I can't even hold myself accountable?
If I'm already having this much anxiety over becoming a teacher, how can I be one?
All of these thoughts have been stirred up by a decision that's looming in front of me. I already decided to finish my teaching certificate. It would be stupid to put all that time and money I put into classes to waste. I know I need a job soon - Ben won't continue to pay for me forever. Besides, I want to get married and I know I need to help out financially for that to become a reality. I also want to help Ben out with his masters. I want to be the financial rock while he's between projects. Therefore, I need a job. I can't think of a job other than teaching. I could be a secretary or a journalist... I don't know. Perhaps I'm just afraid of any job. That I won't be good enough, that I'll hate it. I know there are downsides to any job.
I guess the looming decision - whether I should attend the PEAK seminar - is just the mask to the biggest decision in my life - whether or not I want to become a teacher. Why should my father use his money on training that I may not use? This seminar will be good for me. Not only will it look good on my resume, but it may help calm some of these teaching fears. Can I get over my anxiety, accept my father's charity, and do the one thing that scares the shit out of me?
Those that know me tell me that I will be a great teacher, that I just need to believe in myself. I think that's the hardest part of all. All I can see are my shortcomings. I love my father and my boyfriend. I believe in them. I trust them. Even if I don't yet believe in myself, can I trust in their belief of me? Yes, I think I can.
I have worked at obtaining my teaching certificate for two years now. It seemed like a smart choice. Teaching jobs have a stability that other jobs do not always have. The children of this world will always need teachers.
So why am I so hesitant to enter this esteemed field? It's a lot of responsibility. I do not want to fail my students as I feel some of my teachers failed me. Professors and advisers have told me that a person should not go into teaching if their heart is not in it. I would like to add that a person should not go into teaching if they don't have the skills to teach. Being a teacher means being organized, caring, strict, having high expectations for oneself and for one's students, it's being able to defend practices and lessons to parents and administrators, it's being able to be diplomatic. I would argue that it is one of the most difficult jobs there is.
And I don't think I'm up for it. I hate being responsible for others - what if I make some horrible, terrible mistake? What if I let someone down? I'm not a patient person and I don't like confrontation. What would I do if a parent attacked me? How can I hold my students accountable when I can't even hold myself accountable?
If I'm already having this much anxiety over becoming a teacher, how can I be one?
All of these thoughts have been stirred up by a decision that's looming in front of me. I already decided to finish my teaching certificate. It would be stupid to put all that time and money I put into classes to waste. I know I need a job soon - Ben won't continue to pay for me forever. Besides, I want to get married and I know I need to help out financially for that to become a reality. I also want to help Ben out with his masters. I want to be the financial rock while he's between projects. Therefore, I need a job. I can't think of a job other than teaching. I could be a secretary or a journalist... I don't know. Perhaps I'm just afraid of any job. That I won't be good enough, that I'll hate it. I know there are downsides to any job.
I guess the looming decision - whether I should attend the PEAK seminar - is just the mask to the biggest decision in my life - whether or not I want to become a teacher. Why should my father use his money on training that I may not use? This seminar will be good for me. Not only will it look good on my resume, but it may help calm some of these teaching fears. Can I get over my anxiety, accept my father's charity, and do the one thing that scares the shit out of me?
Those that know me tell me that I will be a great teacher, that I just need to believe in myself. I think that's the hardest part of all. All I can see are my shortcomings. I love my father and my boyfriend. I believe in them. I trust them. Even if I don't yet believe in myself, can I trust in their belief of me? Yes, I think I can.