(no subject)
I'm not sure if you guys have 7-11 convenience stores in whatever part of the world you're in, but if you do, let me ask you a question:
Have you ever been to 7-11 at 6:45 in the morning?
I'm sure some of you are wondering: "Jason, what were you doing up so early on a Sunday? Getting prim and proper for your denomination's Sunday service?"
First off, "prim" or "proper" are not good descriptions for any of the incredibly disgusting things I do on Sunday. Jesus had rusty railroad spikes through his wrists and I don't think you could pay him enough to touch some of the things I do.
Second, I found out on Friday afternoon at 2:30pm that I was going to have to work 7am-4pm, Saturday AND Sunday. My work life is like Office Space, except that when I watch Office Space I get a raging hard on fantasizing that work could be so exciting.
Which brings me back to my story. I got up about 6:30am today feeling like crap because I thought it would be a good idea to drink Dr. Pepper, some coffee, and a bunch of beer right before bed. I decide the best cure for this is to stop at 7-11 and get some more coffee and a donut.
Coffee - Real good idea.
Donut - Fantastic idea.
7-11 - TERRIBLE IDEA.
Now, I don't know about you, but if I ever go into 7-11 at any normal hour (between, say, 9am and 10pm) there is only one employee and there are about 12 customers. However, at 6:45am on a Sunday, when you are the only customer in the store, there will be four employees.
And they will all happen to be complete psychos.
I'll describe them:
Employee #1: 20-something girl whose mom and dad are probably siblings. She is the type of girl that would fuck someone in a truckstop restroom for a cigarette. Aside from this, she seems normal. She is talking to employee #2 about two non-present employees who should be getting more hours so she can work less. Employee #2 couldn't be more disinterested and honestly, she looks a little bit lost in the store. In case you have never been in a 7-11, they are about 20' x 20'. It's like getting lost in a cardboard box.
Employee #2: 50-something woman who will say something and then immediately turn and stare at whatever it is that crazy people see in their heads. She has short, gray hair and is balding on top - only, she's not getting one of those shiny bald spots. It's more pink, and scaly, and looks like it itches, and more like the bald spot that might be on a stray dog's ass. She ends up being the one to ring me up, however she stares out the window the entire time.
Employee #3: He appears to be the manager and is probably in his 30s. He is yelling about employees not having the decency to let him know they are not coming in and how he only had 3 hours of sleep the day before and how he has to come back in at 3pm to work until 11pm. These are valid complaints from any manager, but most people wouldn't yell about these things when there are customers in a store. He goes on about how he was planning to wash laundry so that he doesn't have to wear the same shirt twice (apparently he only has one shirt). This is probably where the funniest moment of the whole situation was, because Employee #2 replies with "I had to wear the same clothes for six days once." She said it so quietly that the manager didn't even hear it. Just me. The manager keeps yelling about stuff and eventually slams his keys down on the counter and declares "I am going to go smoke a cigarette!" and storms out of the store.
Employee #4: He doesn't come into the picture until I'm about to leave. He walks out of the back room wearing black pants and a white t-shirt. Not a normal t-shirt, more like an undershirt. You know, the kind of shirt that is too thin for a fat guy to wear without another shirt over it. Yeah. And it looks like he'd been using it to wipe his mouth all night long. Like a napkin. After a big meal of dirt. He is the only employee that I don't hear utter a word, and based on the other employees, I'm just gonna make an educated guess that he's probably a deaf-mute.
I don't think I can convey how strange the situation was, especially with everyone yelling at each other. It was like a soap opera. Kind of like if "One Life To Live" was called "Four Lives Not Worth Living". I think they take out part of your brain when you get a job there. Scratch that. All of your brain. I bet if you replaced one of their ears with a little lever you could turn, you'd wind up with Slurpee gushing right out of their nose.
This is how my Sunday started. My unreal is here.
Have you ever been to 7-11 at 6:45 in the morning?
I'm sure some of you are wondering: "Jason, what were you doing up so early on a Sunday? Getting prim and proper for your denomination's Sunday service?"
First off, "prim" or "proper" are not good descriptions for any of the incredibly disgusting things I do on Sunday. Jesus had rusty railroad spikes through his wrists and I don't think you could pay him enough to touch some of the things I do.
Second, I found out on Friday afternoon at 2:30pm that I was going to have to work 7am-4pm, Saturday AND Sunday. My work life is like Office Space, except that when I watch Office Space I get a raging hard on fantasizing that work could be so exciting.
Which brings me back to my story. I got up about 6:30am today feeling like crap because I thought it would be a good idea to drink Dr. Pepper, some coffee, and a bunch of beer right before bed. I decide the best cure for this is to stop at 7-11 and get some more coffee and a donut.
Coffee - Real good idea.
Donut - Fantastic idea.
7-11 - TERRIBLE IDEA.
Now, I don't know about you, but if I ever go into 7-11 at any normal hour (between, say, 9am and 10pm) there is only one employee and there are about 12 customers. However, at 6:45am on a Sunday, when you are the only customer in the store, there will be four employees.
And they will all happen to be complete psychos.
I'll describe them:
Employee #1: 20-something girl whose mom and dad are probably siblings. She is the type of girl that would fuck someone in a truckstop restroom for a cigarette. Aside from this, she seems normal. She is talking to employee #2 about two non-present employees who should be getting more hours so she can work less. Employee #2 couldn't be more disinterested and honestly, she looks a little bit lost in the store. In case you have never been in a 7-11, they are about 20' x 20'. It's like getting lost in a cardboard box.
Employee #2: 50-something woman who will say something and then immediately turn and stare at whatever it is that crazy people see in their heads. She has short, gray hair and is balding on top - only, she's not getting one of those shiny bald spots. It's more pink, and scaly, and looks like it itches, and more like the bald spot that might be on a stray dog's ass. She ends up being the one to ring me up, however she stares out the window the entire time.
Employee #3: He appears to be the manager and is probably in his 30s. He is yelling about employees not having the decency to let him know they are not coming in and how he only had 3 hours of sleep the day before and how he has to come back in at 3pm to work until 11pm. These are valid complaints from any manager, but most people wouldn't yell about these things when there are customers in a store. He goes on about how he was planning to wash laundry so that he doesn't have to wear the same shirt twice (apparently he only has one shirt). This is probably where the funniest moment of the whole situation was, because Employee #2 replies with "I had to wear the same clothes for six days once." She said it so quietly that the manager didn't even hear it. Just me. The manager keeps yelling about stuff and eventually slams his keys down on the counter and declares "I am going to go smoke a cigarette!" and storms out of the store.
Employee #4: He doesn't come into the picture until I'm about to leave. He walks out of the back room wearing black pants and a white t-shirt. Not a normal t-shirt, more like an undershirt. You know, the kind of shirt that is too thin for a fat guy to wear without another shirt over it. Yeah. And it looks like he'd been using it to wipe his mouth all night long. Like a napkin. After a big meal of dirt. He is the only employee that I don't hear utter a word, and based on the other employees, I'm just gonna make an educated guess that he's probably a deaf-mute.
I don't think I can convey how strange the situation was, especially with everyone yelling at each other. It was like a soap opera. Kind of like if "One Life To Live" was called "Four Lives Not Worth Living". I think they take out part of your brain when you get a job there. Scratch that. All of your brain. I bet if you replaced one of their ears with a little lever you could turn, you'd wind up with Slurpee gushing right out of their nose.
This is how my Sunday started. My unreal is here.