[rp][locked to Sarah]
After Jeremy went with Sarah to get her things back, after he saw what remained of what she went through, the deaths that she saw, experienced, helped with on hand, Jeremy could not leave her, would not leave her. He asks if she'd prefer going back to her house or to his room at Martha's house. It doesn't matter which one she says, because he is
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She hates it more than she can say.
Elena isn't sure what to do. She's used to being at the heart of the storm, knowing all the details, being so critically involved because she was the doppelganger. In this instance, she doesn't know much, only that two people were killed violently, and at the Society's hands.
She goes to the kitchen and makes Jer a sandwich, picking up his favorite soda from the fridge while she goes. Elena knows he won't remember to eat on his own if he's worrying, and it's the least she can do... considering.
Her steps are quiet, almost soundless as she steps into his room, not that it matters. Sarah is out like a light and nothing could wake her up right now. Elena bites her lip, staring at Jeremy on the floor, a small pang seizing her chest. She closes the door just as soundlessly behind her before she moves over to him, sitting down beside him on the floor, handing him the plate and the soda. "Here," she says quietly, placing the napkin on his leg.
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It was painful. It was more painful than he can say.
He doesn't want to see her like that again, but he's starting to get that it's what happens in this city to people. Jeremy really doesn't know anything about the Callings except what Anne has told him, what little he's learned here and there from his own research.
It's something entirely different to see it first hand.
Jeremy looks up when Elena enters, and he shifts, rubbing a hand over his face. "Hey," he says, taking the plate and soda appreciatively. "Thanks... for this."
He definitely did not remember to eat. It was the last thing on his mind, and after what he saw, he wasn't... too hungry either. Jeremy glances at her when she sits beside him, and there's just a slight pause before he asks, "You okay?"
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She isn't a social butterfly, and hasn't been since her arrival, but she's lived here long enough to know and understand what it means to have a Calling, what it means to be angel or demon, and she thinks it's a horrible thing, cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like.
She admires those that can overcome the design and build lives of their own.
There's no stopping what happens in Chicago. There's no stopping what happens to angels and demons. If you care, there's really no way of going around that, and Elena already knows just how much her brother has lost. How much they've both lost.
"You're welcome," she says with the faintest of smiles. She'll be relieved if he eats anything at all. Elena runs a hand through her face at the question and shakes her head. There's no point in trying to hide it anymore.
Whether she likes it or not, and she doesn't, Jeremy is heavily involved now. "I'm worried," she admits. "I thought we would have it all covered, at least for a little while, but--this is too close."
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To remain oblivious not that it would change anything except fill him with a deep sense of dread, of worry.
There's no stopping Callings, and Callings aren't the only way to be driven to insanity here. He's heard about it. He's heard vaguely about it, but he still has so much to learn.
He picks up the sandwich if only to help her, if only because he knows he needs to. Jeremy takes a bite of it, opening the soda too and drinking from the can. His stomach feels knotted several times over, and he keeps glancing at Sarah though she's out hard.
Jeremy glances at her, appreciating the honesty. He nods. "Really, really close," he agrees quietly. "And they'll be looking for anyone attached to him, right? To Josef?"
Which means Damon, which means her.
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She isn't sure how she is going to answer any of his questions. There will always be the knee-jerk reaction to protect him from any more pain, from any more loss, even if that's meant lying and covering it up. She's learned from the past, in that sense, can tell how much more grown-up Jeremy is, but--
He will always be her little brother. She will always want to protect him.
She glances over at the girl, passed out cold on the bed, barely a rise and fall to her chest. Elena swallows thickly and glances back at Jeremy. "It's possible," she answers finally. "They might also retreat after this blew up in their faces. There's no way of knowing."
But it does stand to reason they'll keep tabs on Damon, especially if he takes over for Josef, and Elena doesn't want to see anything happen to people she cares about. She glances downward, relieved he's eating his sandwich.
"I really need you to be safe, Jeremy," she says, and her eyes and her whole expression seems so earnest and distressed.
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He'll ask for confirmation of what he already feels in his chest like dread. He'll ask, and he'll be angry and sad. Beneath the anger, there will be a lot of pain, a lot of sadness. Sometimes he just-- he has to be angry, he has to strike out instead of feeling the grief, the unfairness of it all.
But even without those answers, he'll figure it out.
Jeremy looks at her, at what she says and doesn't say all at once. "Yeah, I don't really know anything about secret, old societies," he admits though she would obviously know that. He hopes they retreat.
They need time to regroup. He doesn't know how they would regroup even, but they... there needs to be time before something else happens, before they decide to descend upon Chicago and find her.
Jeremy looks over at her. It's part concern, part something else. Almost laughter but not quite. "I really need you to be safe too, Elena," he says after a moment, "But tell me that's going to stop you from doing what you think you need to do."
If it means going to the aftermath of a massacre for a friend...
Whatever it means. "I have the ring," he reminds her, aware that they both know that he could still die with it on, still has died with it on, "And you don't even have that."
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That doesn't mean she knows exactly how they operate. Vampires, their kinds of vampires, are something they might've been more knowledgeable on, and even then, Elena had no idea what to expect with Klaus or Elijah.
This is a whole Society. The oldest one of all times, holding the most powerful of species, the oldest of the most powerful of these species, and they're supposed to go up against them? Elena cannot begin to explain how much she hates she's a doppelganger at the moment.
If it weren't for that, they would be safe from that big of a threat.
Jeremy would be safe.
"I'm the reason we're all involved," she says, and she can't help the guilt that hammers into her at the thought. They need a doppelganger. Of course they do. "It's my responsibility to make sure that you are safe from the threat they could pose on any of the people we care about."
Whether he agrees or not, she knows it's true.
It would happen because of her.
"I have the rift ability," she reminds him. A rift ability that gives her more protection than that ring could, since... "We have no way of knowing if the ring works here, Jeremy. It is not something that we should ever go about testing."
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They have already lost so much. They have already been up against so much, more than he can remember or count.
Vampires. Klaus himself though this Elena never lived through that, not the end of it where Klaus killed her and Jeremy has seen her corpse with that hope, that knowledge that she should-- she should come back to them and she did.
There was still that moment where his heart dropped to the floor, because she was dead in Damon's arms.
He never really forgets about that. They have both almost lost each other, they both know what that feels like, and he wants her safe just as much and he never blames her for her being a doppelganger.
It's not her fault.
It'd be like blaming Sarah for being an angel. It's how ridiculous the thought is to him.
"No. Elena, you're not the reason. You didn't choose this," Jeremy says as he looks at her, beside her, and he knows that he'll never erase that guilt from her, but he wants to. "And I'm not your responsibility. I make my own choices, and they make their own choices too."
He doesn't agree.
He will never agree.
"I know you do, but it's not the same," Jeremy reminds her too. It's not 100% assurance against death. He closes his eyes, looking away from her for a moment. "I'm not planning on testing it out, Elena. I promise, but I do have it and it's saved me before."
AND ONE TIME IT DIDN'T JEREMY.
"I don't know what to tell you. We both know we... really don't have any control."
And he would do anything to keep her safe too.
He couldn't... live if he lost her too.
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He would know so much more about everything that they went through.
Everything Jeremy relayed to her once he fell through still feels like some horrible dream, distant and impossible to reach, which is almost merciful in a way, since Elena can't... she does not want to know what it would feel like to watch Jenna die. One more person to add to the list of people that have been lost ever since this whole mess began.
She is only grateful that she can be there for him.
Throughout all the losses, she can still be his sister, and he miraculously ended up here as well, long after she did, and whatever they have to face, they don't have to do it alone, because they have each other.
It means more to her than she can say.
Elena is aware that no one blames her, but she often blames herself. Part of it is survivor's guilt, as everyone dies around her because of that whole mess while she remains to live the tale, and part of it is just knowing how one event spiraling off of another begins with that one truth.
Elena is Katherine Pierce's doppelganger.
She would argue with what he's saying, that none of it would've happened to begin with if she weren't what she is, but it's hardly the time. He's worried and he's likely tired, and Elena doesn't want to give him more grief.
She places a hand on his shoulder.
"Okay," she says seriously, once he promises he's not out to test it. Jeremy may be more grown-up, but she is perfectly aware of that impulse control of his. Her stomach constricts painfully at the memory of holding Jeremy after Damon snapped his neck, and she never, ever wants to do that ever again.
She never wants to hold Jeremy's dead body in her hands.
"I know, we don't, just... promise me you'll be really careful," she says, and she doesn't want to be so sick with worry they forget to live their lives, take a breather from all the mess, give him that normalcy she's wanted for him.
It's why they moved to this house in the first place, but--there's so much.
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He is grateful, relieved that she never lived through that as he wouldn't wish it on her though he knows she can imagine it perfectly. It has become so easy to imagine terrible things happening, because that's been their lives over the last two years.
It's been deaths. It's been... everything else, and Jeremy knows even though she doesn't argue with him that she does feel guilt for being the one to survive. Jeremy can't even say that he wouldn't feel the same if he were in a simlar position as her, but she would feel the same as he does in that case.
She wouldn't want him feeling guilt over something that wasn't his fault, that he can't control.
Emotions are never really rational though, and they don't have any control over them, but he has never blamed her not for a moment.
How could he? And she was always at the heart of the danger, he'd get so worried. It felt like he couldn't do anything for the people he cared about including her, and she'd insist that all she needed was for him to be safe, but it left him feeling helpless so many times.
It left him feeling angry and helpless, and he's often push himself into helping how ever he could, because he had to. It's who he is. He's not going to back away.
He remembers when she was kidnapped and how much he'd thought that he would never get her back, never see her again. It was a terrible feeling.
And he doesn't want to relive any of those times that he thought she was dead or gone.
Jeremy glances over at her when she places a hand on his shoulder.
He does still have the impulse control, and he can't make any promises when it comes to that either, but... he has gotten better about reigning it in at least slightly.
"I promise, Elena. I'll be as careful as I can be. I don't... want you to worry too much. I know you've always tried to do everything you can to protect me, to protect Jenna," Jeremy says quietly. "And I'm always gonna want to protect you too. I might be the little brother, but that goes both ways."
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Elena used to be a lighter and happier girl. She used to have a lot of friends and a lot of hobbies, a lot of aspirations and a lot of drive. The past year and a half has slowly and systematically stripped her of it. There's been the sullen and mournful part of her she tries fighting past, except--
Every time she thinks she has, something else happens.
Constantly.
It's one brutal thing after another, and there's only so much one person can handle before they can't find those other parts of themselves, the parts of her she used to be before their parents died. Elena has handled it as best as she can, considering, but they are both forever changed.
And now they are here, once again fighting something that seems so much greater than them, and Elena would give anything to keep him out of it.
While knowing there is nothing that is going to keep him out of it.
Not while he knows that they are looking for a doppelganger.
"I'm going to worry, Jeremy. It's inevitable," she says, a small, humorless laugh of disbelief as she shakes her head. He's her brother. Everyone around them has been hurt or killed. There is now this Society that could be after them next. There is no way that she will not worry. It would be impossible to, and she takes a deep breath at what he says next.
There's no arguing against that. Not when she understands too perfectly what he means. Elena slips an arm around his shoulders and brings him closer, resting the tip of her chin against his head. So many things that she wants for him, including the reason why they moved into this house.
Stability, normalcy, happiness.
So many things that don't seem to be in the cards for either of them.
"It'll be okay," she says.
Somehow, they will find a way out of this and it will be okay.
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They're similar in quite a few ways, and it's to be expected though they butted heads for a long time after their parents died, for longer than they should have. But Jeremy was angry for a very long time and Elena was withdrawn, and they couldn't reach each other.
He's grateful that changed, because he's come to realize that he needs his sister in his life. She is the one thing that hasn't been taken from him, the one family member that he hasn't lost and it's the same for her since she's here.
They have to stick together.
They will stick together, and he won't let himself get so angry-- he'll try not to let himself get so angry that he pushes her away again. A lot has shifted since their parents died, she's a lot different, but she's still his sister.
And he still loves her more than anybody.
Jeremy sighs a little at what she says though he smiles slightly without humor. He knows it is inevitble, but he would like to lessen the worry if he could. There are other things, other opportunities, but it doesn't really seem like they are meant to have normal lives, no, or anything close to them.
"I know you will. Still. It wouldn't hurt you too much to cut yourself some slack on the worrying."
He glances at her and then out at the rest of the room, leaning against her when she brings him closer.
Jeremy breathes in and then nods.
"It will be," he says, almost firmly to her.
And he doesn't know if he says it because he actually believes it or because if he doesn't at least pretend to believe it, he doesn't really know what they're fighting for anymore.
So it will be.
It'll be okay. Somehow.
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