Faraway, But So Close (Adam/Kris, misc pairings) Rated: R
Title: Faraway, But So Close (Chapter Sixteen)
Author: xrazorbladesky and georgeegurl
Pairings/Character(s): Adam/Kris, Adam/Gabriel, past Kris/Katy.
Warnings:Domestic violence, self-injury, character death(main character), suicide, Supernatural beings, major depression, alcoholism.(Highlight to read)
Rating: R
Words: 2,231
Summary: Kris and Allison spend the day together.
Notes: Please read with care! Some warnings happen off-screen, but it doesn’t hurt to warn for them anyways.
June 12th, 2016
Sometimes when you fall you can’t get back up. The world has a way of just fucking with you as hard as it can. That’s how Allison felt at this very moment. She couldn’t get up from a hard fall and no matter how much she tried, all of her attempts have failed. She just felt completely hopeless....useless. Like nothing really mattered. It’s hard to realize that there’s really nothing to live for anymore. Everyone seemed to just...
No one really cared.
They were all off doing whatever they were doing before she came back to L.A. Why did she even come back? South Africa was free. Inviting and mystical. Helping out children, some -- most unfortunate. Her life was great there. She didn’t even use any technology. She just soaked up everything the culture had to offer. Things change. What was she thinking when she thought things were going to be the same? Things would never be the same after a couple of years away.
She really hadn’t been doing anything. Nothing. It just seemed like she’s sitting around and wasting space. A sigh comes from her as she moves to stand up. After coming back, she has been living with her parents. It’s not where she would want to be but it’s probably the only thing that she could handle. She had to go job searching and get back into the swing of things to actually afford a new apartment to stay in. That’s why her parent’s place would do for now. Her room was just as she had left it when she was younger. Nothing really changed. Which made somethings a little easier. Made her feel a little better about herself.
She walked over to her desk and sat down in the chair. There were pictures all over her wall in front of her. Pictures of...Pictures of her and Adam. Kris and Adam. Kris and her. Things of her them all having fun around town and just being carefree. Everything seemed like that then. She moved her hand over to one of the drawers off to the side before opening it. Her eyes moved to look at the contents. A bunch of paper littered in it, pencils, a sharpener, scissors.
Scissors.
Slowly, her hands moved into the drawer, picking them up. As she did her hand closer the drawer. Her eyes looked them over. The silver of the blade was kind of shiny in the light of her room and she could see her reflection as she looked at them. Those eyes that she was staring at seemed like they weren’t even hers. Like they were someone’s that she didn’t even know.
A finger went to run against the blade. Just coasting down it to one of the handles. Then another finger on the other hand did the same before it was down on the handle too. She allowed herself to move the claws of the scissors open. Watching as they moved back and forth. Listening to the sound they made. A gentle chomping noise.
Downcasting her eyes, she looked down at her legs. She had been wearing shorts to bed, so her legs were completely bare. In her hand, the scissors moved around so they were between her fingers and pointed downward. Just one pull across the skin. That’s all it would take. When the scissors got within an inch from her leg, they stopped and she took in a deep breath before they went the rest of the way. Slow, it moved across her skin, making a long streak. She stared at it. Waited until the redness popped out of the incision. When it did, she brought the scissors back and it once more. The second time was even better. Made her feel better.
But she wanted more. Allison opened another drawer, pushing the contents around and looking for a small object. She soon found it, in the way back of the drawer. Her old lighter. She used to use it for smoking joints by herself when she was upset. But she hadn’t touched it over five years, she doubted it still worked. She flipped it on, the flame shooting up. A sigh of relief coursed through her. She quickly shoved the blade under the flame, watching it heat up.
She blew out the flame, pressing the blade to her upper leg as hard as she could. She dropped the lighter, her free hand reaching out to grab the desk. It’d been years and it still felt the same. The burning of her skin was so intense it almost felt numbing.
As if it wasn’t really happening.
June 17th, 2016
Allison walked up to Kris’ door. She hadn’t seen him since she’d come home and their meeting hadn’t gone to well. She thought or more less hoped that this time it would go better. At least this time, she had some help. A little bag stored safely in her pocket. She knew Kris was probably going to be reluctant, but she had her ways.
She raised her hand to knock. Barking was the first thing that she heard on the the other side of the door and she smiled a little. Okay, so maybe she was already a little stoned and that’s what made her come here. She probably wouldn’t have otherwise fearing it would end up just like last time.
Kris opened the door, standing there in his pajamas. Obviously, he hadn’t planned on going out today. That was fine, she didn’t feel like seeing anyone else besides him. She pushed past him, walking into his house. Lux ran over to her, barking and pawing at her legs happily. She bent down and gave the beagle a loving pat on the head before she stood up again to staring at Kris. He looked really confused.
“Well, are you going to say hello or just stand there?” She said.
“Um, hello?”
“Good,” she replied, patting him on the head. “Now, our last meeting didn’t go as I would have liked. An understatement, actually. I thought possibly we could start over? And we could have a better welcome home party.” Allison reached into her pocket, pulling out the small bag of weed waving it back and forth in front of him.
Kris’ eyes went wide. “What the hell?” He said, snatching it from her hand and looking at it intensely. “No. No, we are not doing this.”
“Aw, you’re acting like you haven’t done this before.” She replied with a giggle.
“I - I haven’t! Well...” He looked down at the bag again. Of course he had but with Allison? Someone who was like his little sister? No way was this going to happen. He could get in so much trouble. Theycould get in so much trouble.
“You’re not my mother, Kris.” She said simply, taking the small bag from him. “Come on, loosen up a little. I bet you haven’t had any fun in the past six months. At least, not any fun that hasn’t gotten you into some kind of trouble with Brad.” She almost spat his name. She loved Brad, but after their last encounter, she could tell the two had some pretty ill feelings toward each other for some reason.
Kris stared at her for a few moments, then looked down at the bag in her hand. He nodded slowly. “Yeah okay, fine. Just....this doesn’t leave the house. Ever. Understand?” Allison nodded happily, running off toward his living room. He probably just made a big mistake, but he’d deal with it later. If this was going to get him to spend some time with Allison, he’d risk it.
June 17th, 2016 Part two
Allison laid next to Kris on his bed just staring up at the ceiling. She could tell you one thing, she felt a lot better than she did before she got there. Felt a lot more mellow.
“How’s Katy?” she asked as she moved her head back to look at Kris. He was looking right back at her. His hands resting on his stomach. She kind of pictured Kris being a bit of a partier when he was younger. Sure, no one would think that now. Thinking of the man partying now is kind of weird. She never thought she’d actually get him to say yes to smoking.
“Katy’s good. Good. She’s marrying my brother in a few months. They’re planning the wedding probably as we speak. It’s not weird at all.” There was a bit of sarcasm in his voice. Of course it was a little weird. Katy, his ex-wife, was marrying his brother. It was hard to be reminded of that sometimes. If it wasn’t for him, they’d probably be still together. Okay, he’s happy for her from moving on from him but maybe there still a little part of him that still loved her. He did pledge to love and to cherish her for as long as they lived. But his heart was something different than his mind. When they’re together, it’s just the most confusing thing. His heart might want Katy but his mind can’t stop thinking about guys.
“Your brother is marrying your wife?”
“Ex-wife,” Kris corrected her.
Allison let out a little laugh, “Katy is marrying Dan?”
“Yeah...I didn’t see it coming either. She seems happy. Knows what she wants. I can’t say as much.”
“You don’t know what you want?”
He shrugged. Here came that thing again. Knowing what he wanted and the confusion that life always presented him. Lately, he knew one thing. That he’d spent the last few years just wanting to explore and find what he may want. But that kind of turned into a mess after a while. “To a point maybe. I know that I figured out who I want to be but other than that I don’t have a clue of what I’m doing.”
“Who you want to be?”
“Yeah. Since Katy and I got a divorce, I know that I’m pretty sure that I’m more interested in men than I am woman. But that doesn’t rule out that I might be attracted to woman still. But since we’ve divorced all I’ve been doing is sleeping with men. In fact, that’s what kind of separated us. I cheated.”
Allison’s eyes widen just a little as she turns on her side and places her hand under her head on the pillow. “You’re...bi?”
“That just seems a little weird if you say it like that.”
“Well, I guess it can be when you’re first figuring it out.”
“It’s been years,” Kris said.
“It’s not that I’m surprised. You used to be all over Adam. It was kind of cute. We had a poll going on how long it would take before you two were together.”
“We?”
“Everyone. I think Neil even had money on it.”
“That me and Adam were...”
“That you were going to be. Everyone could see it in both of your eyes. He was so in love with you. He would never admit to that but it’s true. Who did you do it with?”
He raised an eyebrow. How was he going to tell Allison of all people that he had been fucking around with Adam’s ex? That wasn’t something that he wanted to talk to her about. Sex wasn’t on the list of things that they were supposed to be talking about. Smoking weed is high on that list also but he broke that one. It’s weird for him to talk about sex and to smoke weed with her. He had known this girl since she was sixteen. There’s like this unspeakable pact between everyone that was on Idol to basically keep her safe and no talk about those sorts of things.
“Kris?”
Kris looked away from Allison and back up to the ceiling. “Uh...Sauli.”
That brought Allison to sit up, making the whole bed move in the process. “Sauli? You fucked Sauli? That’s Adam’s fucking ex!”
He just nods to him. “Yeah. We were doing it for a while. Things uh...things kind of ended badly.”
“Well, yeah. Dude, that’s like untouchable territory there. When did it start? It’s not going on anymore?”
“Tommy kissed me at a party a few years back and it kind of had me thinking because I might have kissed back for just a second and Sauli...We got to talking and hanging out and one night...” A small smile came to his lips. It was like he was replaying an image inside his head. “I believe it was New Years Ev-”
“You didn’t! Kris Allen! You were supposed to be with Katy on New Years Eve!”
“I know. She was off somewhere and I went over to Sauli’s and...And things happened. And I let them happen. I wanted them to. I didn’t regret it and it felt really good.”
Author: xrazorbladesky and georgeegurl
Pairings/Character(s): Adam/Kris, Adam/Gabriel, past Kris/Katy.
Warnings:Domestic violence, self-injury, character death(main character), suicide, Supernatural beings, major depression, alcoholism.(Highlight to read)
Rating: R
Words: 2,231
Summary: Kris and Allison spend the day together.
Notes: Please read with care! Some warnings happen off-screen, but it doesn’t hurt to warn for them anyways.
June 12th, 2016
Sometimes when you fall you can’t get back up. The world has a way of just fucking with you as hard as it can. That’s how Allison felt at this very moment. She couldn’t get up from a hard fall and no matter how much she tried, all of her attempts have failed. She just felt completely hopeless....useless. Like nothing really mattered. It’s hard to realize that there’s really nothing to live for anymore. Everyone seemed to just...
No one really cared.
They were all off doing whatever they were doing before she came back to L.A. Why did she even come back? South Africa was free. Inviting and mystical. Helping out children, some -- most unfortunate. Her life was great there. She didn’t even use any technology. She just soaked up everything the culture had to offer. Things change. What was she thinking when she thought things were going to be the same? Things would never be the same after a couple of years away.
She really hadn’t been doing anything. Nothing. It just seemed like she’s sitting around and wasting space. A sigh comes from her as she moves to stand up. After coming back, she has been living with her parents. It’s not where she would want to be but it’s probably the only thing that she could handle. She had to go job searching and get back into the swing of things to actually afford a new apartment to stay in. That’s why her parent’s place would do for now. Her room was just as she had left it when she was younger. Nothing really changed. Which made somethings a little easier. Made her feel a little better about herself.
She walked over to her desk and sat down in the chair. There were pictures all over her wall in front of her. Pictures of...Pictures of her and Adam. Kris and Adam. Kris and her. Things of her them all having fun around town and just being carefree. Everything seemed like that then. She moved her hand over to one of the drawers off to the side before opening it. Her eyes moved to look at the contents. A bunch of paper littered in it, pencils, a sharpener, scissors.
Scissors.
Slowly, her hands moved into the drawer, picking them up. As she did her hand closer the drawer. Her eyes looked them over. The silver of the blade was kind of shiny in the light of her room and she could see her reflection as she looked at them. Those eyes that she was staring at seemed like they weren’t even hers. Like they were someone’s that she didn’t even know.
A finger went to run against the blade. Just coasting down it to one of the handles. Then another finger on the other hand did the same before it was down on the handle too. She allowed herself to move the claws of the scissors open. Watching as they moved back and forth. Listening to the sound they made. A gentle chomping noise.
Downcasting her eyes, she looked down at her legs. She had been wearing shorts to bed, so her legs were completely bare. In her hand, the scissors moved around so they were between her fingers and pointed downward. Just one pull across the skin. That’s all it would take. When the scissors got within an inch from her leg, they stopped and she took in a deep breath before they went the rest of the way. Slow, it moved across her skin, making a long streak. She stared at it. Waited until the redness popped out of the incision. When it did, she brought the scissors back and it once more. The second time was even better. Made her feel better.
But she wanted more. Allison opened another drawer, pushing the contents around and looking for a small object. She soon found it, in the way back of the drawer. Her old lighter. She used to use it for smoking joints by herself when she was upset. But she hadn’t touched it over five years, she doubted it still worked. She flipped it on, the flame shooting up. A sigh of relief coursed through her. She quickly shoved the blade under the flame, watching it heat up.
She blew out the flame, pressing the blade to her upper leg as hard as she could. She dropped the lighter, her free hand reaching out to grab the desk. It’d been years and it still felt the same. The burning of her skin was so intense it almost felt numbing.
As if it wasn’t really happening.
June 17th, 2016
Allison walked up to Kris’ door. She hadn’t seen him since she’d come home and their meeting hadn’t gone to well. She thought or more less hoped that this time it would go better. At least this time, she had some help. A little bag stored safely in her pocket. She knew Kris was probably going to be reluctant, but she had her ways.
She raised her hand to knock. Barking was the first thing that she heard on the the other side of the door and she smiled a little. Okay, so maybe she was already a little stoned and that’s what made her come here. She probably wouldn’t have otherwise fearing it would end up just like last time.
Kris opened the door, standing there in his pajamas. Obviously, he hadn’t planned on going out today. That was fine, she didn’t feel like seeing anyone else besides him. She pushed past him, walking into his house. Lux ran over to her, barking and pawing at her legs happily. She bent down and gave the beagle a loving pat on the head before she stood up again to staring at Kris. He looked really confused.
“Well, are you going to say hello or just stand there?” She said.
“Um, hello?”
“Good,” she replied, patting him on the head. “Now, our last meeting didn’t go as I would have liked. An understatement, actually. I thought possibly we could start over? And we could have a better welcome home party.” Allison reached into her pocket, pulling out the small bag of weed waving it back and forth in front of him.
Kris’ eyes went wide. “What the hell?” He said, snatching it from her hand and looking at it intensely. “No. No, we are not doing this.”
“Aw, you’re acting like you haven’t done this before.” She replied with a giggle.
“I - I haven’t! Well...” He looked down at the bag again. Of course he had but with Allison? Someone who was like his little sister? No way was this going to happen. He could get in so much trouble. Theycould get in so much trouble.
“You’re not my mother, Kris.” She said simply, taking the small bag from him. “Come on, loosen up a little. I bet you haven’t had any fun in the past six months. At least, not any fun that hasn’t gotten you into some kind of trouble with Brad.” She almost spat his name. She loved Brad, but after their last encounter, she could tell the two had some pretty ill feelings toward each other for some reason.
Kris stared at her for a few moments, then looked down at the bag in her hand. He nodded slowly. “Yeah okay, fine. Just....this doesn’t leave the house. Ever. Understand?” Allison nodded happily, running off toward his living room. He probably just made a big mistake, but he’d deal with it later. If this was going to get him to spend some time with Allison, he’d risk it.
June 17th, 2016 Part two
Allison laid next to Kris on his bed just staring up at the ceiling. She could tell you one thing, she felt a lot better than she did before she got there. Felt a lot more mellow.
“How’s Katy?” she asked as she moved her head back to look at Kris. He was looking right back at her. His hands resting on his stomach. She kind of pictured Kris being a bit of a partier when he was younger. Sure, no one would think that now. Thinking of the man partying now is kind of weird. She never thought she’d actually get him to say yes to smoking.
“Katy’s good. Good. She’s marrying my brother in a few months. They’re planning the wedding probably as we speak. It’s not weird at all.” There was a bit of sarcasm in his voice. Of course it was a little weird. Katy, his ex-wife, was marrying his brother. It was hard to be reminded of that sometimes. If it wasn’t for him, they’d probably be still together. Okay, he’s happy for her from moving on from him but maybe there still a little part of him that still loved her. He did pledge to love and to cherish her for as long as they lived. But his heart was something different than his mind. When they’re together, it’s just the most confusing thing. His heart might want Katy but his mind can’t stop thinking about guys.
“Your brother is marrying your wife?”
“Ex-wife,” Kris corrected her.
Allison let out a little laugh, “Katy is marrying Dan?”
“Yeah...I didn’t see it coming either. She seems happy. Knows what she wants. I can’t say as much.”
“You don’t know what you want?”
He shrugged. Here came that thing again. Knowing what he wanted and the confusion that life always presented him. Lately, he knew one thing. That he’d spent the last few years just wanting to explore and find what he may want. But that kind of turned into a mess after a while. “To a point maybe. I know that I figured out who I want to be but other than that I don’t have a clue of what I’m doing.”
“Who you want to be?”
“Yeah. Since Katy and I got a divorce, I know that I’m pretty sure that I’m more interested in men than I am woman. But that doesn’t rule out that I might be attracted to woman still. But since we’ve divorced all I’ve been doing is sleeping with men. In fact, that’s what kind of separated us. I cheated.”
Allison’s eyes widen just a little as she turns on her side and places her hand under her head on the pillow. “You’re...bi?”
“That just seems a little weird if you say it like that.”
“Well, I guess it can be when you’re first figuring it out.”
“It’s been years,” Kris said.
“It’s not that I’m surprised. You used to be all over Adam. It was kind of cute. We had a poll going on how long it would take before you two were together.”
“We?”
“Everyone. I think Neil even had money on it.”
“That me and Adam were...”
“That you were going to be. Everyone could see it in both of your eyes. He was so in love with you. He would never admit to that but it’s true. Who did you do it with?”
He raised an eyebrow. How was he going to tell Allison of all people that he had been fucking around with Adam’s ex? That wasn’t something that he wanted to talk to her about. Sex wasn’t on the list of things that they were supposed to be talking about. Smoking weed is high on that list also but he broke that one. It’s weird for him to talk about sex and to smoke weed with her. He had known this girl since she was sixteen. There’s like this unspeakable pact between everyone that was on Idol to basically keep her safe and no talk about those sorts of things.
“Kris?”
Kris looked away from Allison and back up to the ceiling. “Uh...Sauli.”
That brought Allison to sit up, making the whole bed move in the process. “Sauli? You fucked Sauli? That’s Adam’s fucking ex!”
He just nods to him. “Yeah. We were doing it for a while. Things uh...things kind of ended badly.”
“Well, yeah. Dude, that’s like untouchable territory there. When did it start? It’s not going on anymore?”
“Tommy kissed me at a party a few years back and it kind of had me thinking because I might have kissed back for just a second and Sauli...We got to talking and hanging out and one night...” A small smile came to his lips. It was like he was replaying an image inside his head. “I believe it was New Years Ev-”
“You didn’t! Kris Allen! You were supposed to be with Katy on New Years Eve!”
“I know. She was off somewhere and I went over to Sauli’s and...And things happened. And I let them happen. I wanted them to. I didn’t regret it and it felt really good.”