Days like these
It's one of those days where I feel like my whole life's been a waste. On top of the fact that it's the first day of Chinese New Year and I'm on the first day of my period (which means I had killer cramps the ENTIRE day visiting and entertaining relatives), life just seems so monotonous and everything I considered important and meaningful to me suddenly doesn't feel that way anymore.
I never realised how lonely I felt till Joey left for the army last weekend... It's sad, really. That my world just stops revolving without him. I just thought that I could confide in my closest friends anytime anywhere which would make the pain more bearable but I guess it's not working out very well. The past few incidences when I needed someone the most other than Joey, nobody was there to pick me up. And the people I thought I could depend on, were the very opposite of that. I know my friends love me and care for me, and I love them too. I'll always have their back. It's just that when push comes to shove, the human race does things for its own benefit and places self before others. It's just how the world works, it's how everyone is. Not that it's wrong, because I guess to an extent, I'm like that too.
Lately I've just been too tired to care about what's going on in others' lives. And like a boomerang, that effect seems to bounce back to my peers as well, because no one really takes the initiative to text or call or whatever. Not unless someone needs something from me. But yknw what, I completely understand because they've got their lives too.
There are people out there, of course, who are exceptions of the rule; people like (though I hate to admit), Joey's friends. Despite them having lives too, it's rather heartwarming to see that they care enough to ask about how Joey is coping in the army and all that jazz, calling him the moment he's booked out of camp. It does make me jealous sometimes, but I'm glad at least Joey has the honour and opportunity of having met people like that.
I have no motive in this post, just that of rambling and filling this dying piece of online crap. All in all, I'm just tired... Of people. I've never felt more alone and of a loner than ever, than now. But it's okay, I really feel quite okay. At least I know I have myself, and God too.
I never realised how lonely I felt till Joey left for the army last weekend... It's sad, really. That my world just stops revolving without him. I just thought that I could confide in my closest friends anytime anywhere which would make the pain more bearable but I guess it's not working out very well. The past few incidences when I needed someone the most other than Joey, nobody was there to pick me up. And the people I thought I could depend on, were the very opposite of that. I know my friends love me and care for me, and I love them too. I'll always have their back. It's just that when push comes to shove, the human race does things for its own benefit and places self before others. It's just how the world works, it's how everyone is. Not that it's wrong, because I guess to an extent, I'm like that too.
Lately I've just been too tired to care about what's going on in others' lives. And like a boomerang, that effect seems to bounce back to my peers as well, because no one really takes the initiative to text or call or whatever. Not unless someone needs something from me. But yknw what, I completely understand because they've got their lives too.
There are people out there, of course, who are exceptions of the rule; people like (though I hate to admit), Joey's friends. Despite them having lives too, it's rather heartwarming to see that they care enough to ask about how Joey is coping in the army and all that jazz, calling him the moment he's booked out of camp. It does make me jealous sometimes, but I'm glad at least Joey has the honour and opportunity of having met people like that.
I have no motive in this post, just that of rambling and filling this dying piece of online crap. All in all, I'm just tired... Of people. I've never felt more alone and of a loner than ever, than now. But it's okay, I really feel quite okay. At least I know I have myself, and God too.