Que Sara, Sara
I've been thinking of the future of late. Of which uni I want to go to, where I CAN go to, whether I can EVEN GO TO uni to begin with. It's a scary thought, knowing that your future is hanging all on A levels at the end of this year. The thought of screwing this up like how I did Os just paralyses me. I cannot afford to undergo that humiliation again, you know?
The motivation is really strong at times, and at other times, I don't know why and who I'm doing this for. I've realised how I've lost focus this year, and how I'm ruining myself and the hard work I've put in last year by getting involved in these distractions. I have no idea how it's going to work out, but I know I'm going to regret not having put in my 110% should I flake out now.
Speaking of choices, making the right one has never been so difficult. As much as people can change, a leopard can never truly change its spots. People are just too unpredictable.
Which is why, today, I'm reminded of the someone who's always been there, but I've been neglecting; to which has caused me my disorientated plight and lack of direction. It took me a hard fall during Os to realise what I lacked was faith. Painful, but deserving nonetheless. I think God put me through that painful experience to ensure I don't screw up this time, where I either make it or break it. He deserves nothing less than the best, and that is enough motivation for me at this point of enlightenment. Afterall, faith is all that really matters at the end of the day.
Unbelief puts circumstances between us and God, but faith puts God between us and circumstances.