(no subject)
Ok, im finally updating. I usually don't like writing in this thing because it seems like i'm ranting, but today i dont care lol. i need to vent. So yeah Friday drove to New Roads, got lost many of times. But just being on a road trip by myself in my mothers fast car with music blaring was just plain awesome. So yeah friday night got home and slept. That night I drove to central and me and andrew had a grand ole time down there. Saturday went shopping for DC..uber fun i must say. Then sunday, yeah that was just like a regular sunday. Anyway, drama is just everywhere nowadays. I've been trying to stay out of it and not cause any. I'm basically just trying to comfort and be there for anyone that needs it. Life is good, could be better. Mother is a lot nicer don't get me wrong she still has her horrible days. Lately I've been so tired. I go home and don't do any homework and sleep. It's horrible it stresses me out, but yet I can't help it I've just been so tired. I'm tired of school. It's just wearing me out. I just feel like I have nothing left. I can't wait until D.C. VACATION finally. I haven't been on a actual vacation since Key West in like 2001. So yeah I'm ready for to get away. Grades are stressing me out. Kirkland tells us that homework will no longer be the largest grade, TESTS will become the most. I was like joy. Most people were happy because they said that homework brought them down, but yeah homework defiantly keeps my grade UP in that class. But you can't get everything you want can you? Oh and then Chemistry..........i hate this class with a passion. I can't learn, she doesn't teach and I pay attention every class. Yet I still have to come home and teach myself..which I am not to happy about that. My parents are not paying 8,000 dollars a year for this crap. But yeah moving on. And for once i have a awesome grade in English but then i have horrible grades in Chemistry and AH and that pisses me off. Why can't I just have all good grades. I have been working my ass off this past year and what do I have to show for it? Nothing but a low GPA. Yeah then I ordered this cellphone off of Ebay and yeah come to find out it might not work and I might have to send it back IF the guy accepts to take the return. And I'm just dying to know if it can be fixed or whatever because if it can't then i am going to be out $150 dollars and im going to get bitched at from mother saying how stupid i was for getting it off ebay and all this crap. So yeah im stressed about that. But yeah on a good note, bringing back some old friendships. Excited, but at the same time scared. Love sucks. Being single sucks even more. I hate this whole i think i like him does he like me crap. That's my new theory. I miss the relationship. I miss him. It scares me because I tell myself that I don't love him anymore but yet when he talks about other girls and when I think about him dating another girl I just die inside. I miss him..there I said it, i miss you. I MISS YOU. I miss you calling every morning and night just to say I love you, I miss the cuddling ti'll the whee hours, i miss the making out, i miss calling you baby, i miss me always bitching at you and you just laughing at me, i miss how my hand always fit in yours, i miss the "baby, you look beautiful", i miss the falling asleep in your arms, i miss how i could trust you and no one else. i miss everything. To know that i have to move on scares me. To know that i have to tell someone else my every secret, story, and spot scares the shit out of me and i dont know if i want to do it. Ah I hate this. I just hate it. (ps. if your giving me a taste of my own medicine.......its working.) But yeah, the point is until I date others and see what else is out there I can not go back to that relationship, and its killing me, because that relationship was somewhere where i felt comfort and just trust. OK MOVINGGGGG ON. haha so yeah sorry for anyone who is actually reading this WHOLE thing. I just really needed to get all this out. Well I think that's everything. If not then oh well. haha. Well i appreciate anyone who is reading this nice to know you care haha. Well, I love you all. Thanks again.<3