Never mind me I'm just a moron in disguise
I fucking hate everything...I'm in the worst mood ever and I have to fucking work 6-10 tonight because CVS owns me. Joe hates me because I was supposed to go to his house tonight but things didn't work out as planned and he's gonna be mad at me forever now. He thinks I don't get upset too...it's crazy how I cried almost 3 nights this week for something that has to do with him and my mom of course. Me and my mom fought for a half hour on the phone, non-stop yelling at eachother because she's not reasonable at all..she told me to go live with my dad again which I would do if he lived close, but he doesn't. Now I'm waiting to go to work and I feel like I made Joe feel like shit and I feel like shit and I really wanna see him tonight and I know that can't happen now because I told fucking CVS that I could work. I'm such an ass, I really have no common sense. I could have seen my boyfriend tonight for the last time this week but no I decide to fucking work because I knew I'd get dicked over by my mom if i didn't go and Joe doesn't understand that work is a priority to me, I hate to lie about not being able to come in and I know how it feels to not have anyone able to cover for you, it sucks! I really don't want to get on my managers bad side either becuase they always ask me to come in and I almost always say no. So I have to start making a better impression on them and show them that I'm a good worker so I can get raises and time off easier. I wish everyone could understand how I'm feeling. Today I just felt like giving up on everything..I feel like me and Joe can't have a future if my mom keeps running down our relationship, she fucking spies on us when he comes over, who does that????? NO ONE! I hate this, there's no way to fix things becuase I screamed out everything I could to her today on the phone when we were fighting and yet she still doesn't understand anything that comes out of my mouth. Ughhhhhhhhhh!!!! I really think I need to go to like a therapist or something to get all this out because I feel trapped and I don't think I'm gonna stop feeling like this anytime soon. I just wanna dig a hole 100ft underground and bury myself alive with nothing but memories of my life that I wish I could change. It's not gonna change. I usually have a positive outlook on shit like this but not anymore. Nothing ever changes I always feel depressed and nothing changes that except Joe and I can't even be with him when I want to. So fuck it all..I might as well kill myself knowing that someone still loved me.