ａｎａｍｎｅｓｉｓ．
There's no place like it. In the morning, the Sun takes its bright orange mouthwash and does some great gargling, then spits it out into the Earth and the island is suddenly there in the blue basin.
There's nothing else to say about it.
ａｎａｍｎｅｓｉｓ．
uruha, kai of The GazettE
pg-13, 1481w unbeta'd, somewhat futuristic au, failed attempts at deep questions
●anamnesis - recollection. also in terms of Platonism - simply put (or in this context) knowledge is innate; learning is only recollecting etc.
●pictured above: Hashima. Details in this fic are not entirely true.
This man waves his hand, like a tree swaying in the breeze. He wears a pair of bruises on his eyes that he calls 'sunglasses'. The other man is too busy wiping his spectacles to see.
So he calls out, "Hey! You're going to miss out on great views if you keep doing that."
The other man puts his spectacles back on.
//22nd February, 2019 - REWIND ver. 03 (Contact Lost)
The toilet doesn't work and Uruha's sigh is shaky. He steps away from a dead rat. Kai shrugs when Uruha comes out of the crumbling building. "Told you so," He says quietly and then turns back to the tiny fire they made.
"Well... What's that?"
"A dead bird."
Uruha settles down next to Kai. "Of course it's dead, how else would you eat it? "
"Would you eat this?"
Uruha takes a long, hard look at the dark mess on the ground. It reminds him of something he'd seen after a few bottles of Vodka, but...
"Roast it."
What do you know. (Kai does the talking-to-himself thing again.)
//25th February, 2019 - REWIND ver. 03.24 (Contact Lost)
"No, you don't understand how awesome this will be."
"Or how ridiculous, you mean."
"Kai. Come on, man. Take it easy for a while."
"No, you don't realize your mistake in thinking like this."
"I usually don't realize my mistakes until tomorrow."
"And I usually don't play hide-and-seek in a godforsaken land like this, especially near evening."
The taller man clicks his tongue. Then he produces a pair of shades.
"For once, get rid of the spectacles."
//4th March, 2019 - REWIND ver. 04.39 (Contact Lost)
Time lives here in the creaky folded tongues of staircases, in candy jars collecting ants, in a bird's nest, sleeping. Kai is convinced that everywhere he goes, there are bombs right under his feet, or maybe there are bombs inside him, waiting. Uruha doesn't seem to care. They're still alive.
Because Kai refuses to look into the mirror shards they found in the apartments, Uruha tells him how he looks. He says, you are what I'm not and that's good enough for Kai even though he likes compliments more.
Kai wakes up to Uruha making breakfast one day. His spectacles are gone and the frying pan looks amazing.
"Scrambled or sunny-side up?"
"How-"
"Sunny-side up it is, then."
It's almost insane to smile like this, but Kai does it anyway, and Uruha grins. When the eggs that actually look like eggs are done, all messy and slightly burnt, they eat it from the pan and laugh like children.
//11th March, 2019 - REWIND ver. 05.12
Kai thought it would be a good idea to draw a simple map. For the whole day they went around the island, shifting in and out of open doors and peering through cracked windows. They found some sweet potatoes and plants on the rooftops, a few rusty knives, yellowed paper, salt, more coal and a stray cat that kept staring at them. Uruha thought it would be a good idea to stay in one apartment for one day, and then move to another the next. "We'll be neighbours," He said.
The map is rather accurate. It has sharp corners and neat labels, and Kai is proud of it. He copies it out, gives one to Uruha.
"Here's my map." Uruha presses a square of wrinkled paper to Kai's palm. It's a drawing of two stick figures with smiley faces, standing on an wobbly island labeled 'Hawaii'. Kai laughs for the third time today. Evening arrives and Uruha wants to have a drink. Kai shakes his head but tells him that he saw bottles of something back in the restaurant near the dentist's office. It's a little too late though, so they lie down in the playground to watch the quiet stars. After that, Uruha doesn't feel like moving anymore, and while Kai thinks it's better to sleep inside one of the apartments, he doesn't move either.
//22nd March, 2019 - REWIND ver. 05.12
"You have very sharp cheekbones." "We're in a dead place." "How did we get here?" "There were vehicles and ships and people." "A little greed never hurt anyone." "Look what it did to this place." "Some kind of honeymoon this is." "I just wanted to get away."
"Someone said that no man is an island." "I know she still likes me." "I know we can get away." "I know I am human." "You have a nice mouth." "I know." "You taught me how to laugh and smile again." "I didn't." "I used to do that often."
"You have cute dimples." "I know. I just forgot that they're still there."
//3rd April, 2019 - REWIND ver. 05.32 (Contact Lost)
//10th April, 2019 - Attempted REWIND ver. 05.52
(Launch Failure)
This is a corridor with broken railings and mild graffiti on the walls. They write their names with pencils from the dusty classrooms. Kai and Uruha and Kai and Uruha and Uruha and Kai and Kai and Uruha and you and me and then Kouyou and then Yutaka and then Kouyou and Yutaka all the way across the concrete that's crumbling like cake. The sky is only beautiful because you can see it.
I had a dream last night. We were walking down to the waters and then we died.
I dreamt that we were still alive.
You only dream if you're still alive, right?
I don't know... I can't remember.
//15th April, 2019 - REWIND ver. 06.21 (Contact Lost)
Uruha strikes the day off the calendar that Kai made. He knocks on the wall next to it and hears a slightly muffled reply. "Dinner is almost done."
"Ok." Uruha rests his palm on the wall. "Need any help?"
"Yeah, can I have your kitchen tomorrow?"
"You can have it now, you know."
Dinner is mostly green. Kai's been at the rooftops all day, so Uruha doesn't complaint, which is good. They make small talk after dinner, take a walk around the apartment and streets and then they head up to the rooftop to see the sky.
"The stars look nearer tonight. Don't you sometimes wonder if we're actually sinking?"
"The sea is probably creeping up on us slowly."
"We should leave this place soon, then?"
"No." And Kai looks at Uruha like he has five heads.
The silence drags on until the moon barges in, glowing impatiently over the other stars.
"I don't want to go back," Uruha says, shifting so that his head is resting on his arm. "There's nothing back there."
Kai sits up quickly, looking down at the other man with wide eyes. "What do you mean, nothing? There's everything back there, family, friends, food, buildings, aerovehicles, music under your skin, the speed tunnels with the coloured lights, alcohol rooms, everything." Uruha doesn't say anything, and Kai reads his face with tight lips.
"Right now, you have the moon behind your head."
Kai turns to look. When he does, there's a mouth on his jaw.
//24th April, 2019 - REWIND ver. 06.21 (Contact Lost)
//10th May, 2019 - Attempted REWIND ver. 07.23
(Launch Failure)
//14th May, 2019 - Attempted REWIND ver. 07.44
(Launch Failure)
Kai pounces on him during a game of hide-and-seek.
//20th May, 2019 - REWIND ver. 07.73 (Contact Lost)
//5th June, 2019 - Attempted REWIND ver. 09.20
(Launch Failure)
//8th June, 2019 - Attempted REWIND ver. 09.45
(Launch Failure)
He's not around. Uruha doesn't strike the day off. He remembers suggesting a game of hide-and-seek yesterday.
//9th June, 2019 - REWIND ver. 10 (Contact Lost)
Message in a used wine bottle: What are we?
Message in another used wine bottle: We need each other. This isn't something we learn to do.
They sit across each other by the hospital. Kai is tired and guilty and sad and happy all at once. He has a candle in his hands. "Happy belated birthday." Kouyou blows it out immediately, finds his way to Yutaka's lips in the dark because he remembers and Yutaka tries to keep his eyes open and they fuck until the sun comes out from its hiding place.
//12th June, 2019 - REWIND ver. 10.45
In the cinema, Uruha stretches. Kai is putting on his shirt again, which is funny, because there's nobody else around to care about how they're dressed or how indecent they might look. He decides to stick his face under that shirt. He kisses a pale hipbone.
This is not everything. His tongue traces patterns on the skin and Kai's hand is on his naked shoulder, squeezing, clawing. Bone on bone.
But it's not nothing either.