"turn off feeling pretty....dressing up, dressing dwn"

[breakitdwnnow54]

hmmm well, today i def looked through every pic i have saved on my comp from now til summer. took me a good while, and brought back so many good memories. i miss those days. its crazy how much we did. all the fun. the drama. the friends. ive come to realize that i miss amandas camera. cant wait til i get mine. but it seems like an eternity away...but when that day comes the documentaion of my life can resume. i can clutter my comp with more pics. and ill be 17. kinda weird to think bout how much time has passed. each day passes just like the next. i wonder about what is to come. who ill still talk to in 5 or six months time. strange how easy it is to lose touch with ppl. this weekend has felt cold. and not just weather wise. i fear ppl r drifting and that we dont understand eachother like we used to. ppl r more secretive. less open. guess i feel shut off in some ways. trusted by some, but not others. some ppl tell me secrets that are hard for me to hear. i want to talk about it with my other friends b/c it upsets me. but i cant. b/c i have bound my trust to the other person. so i just sit and let it dwell, eating me up inside, even though it isnt even my life!. i just worry about my friends so much. they are my world. my life. without them i would be lost. broken dwn. and far worse off than i could imagine. they have helped me through tough times even if they didnt kno it. just them being there, not even having to talk, allows me to think and figure things out. it may seem like i dont want them there. but i really do. just the company is comforting. i wish it werent so cloudy tonight. or else i really would go lie out under the stars like i have been wanting to for so long. sure i wouldnt have the company of another. the safety of lieing in anothers arms, keeping me warm. but i kno i have to take things one step at a time. nothing comes all at once. i just have to go on my own. figure things out for myself. but most likely not tonight. but someday soon. if only i didnt have school tomorrow. i would sneek out at like 4 in the morn and lie there. i dunno why that sounds so good. but it does. wow. ive rambled for far too long. and i doubt many got this far. but its getting dark rather quickly. my hands are freezing along with my toes. but i do look forward to the chinese take out we r gettn tonight. if only it were here now.....

*guess this is where the night took me*
Living life
walking by.
Through the shadows
of mine eye.
Deep emotions
locked away.
Reveal them
another day...

Hollowed out
breaking down.
Build me up
shake the frown.
Stop the blood
seal the vain.
Slit my wrists
another day...

Speak my mind
lost my breath.
Walking backwards
close to death.
Seak me out
make me stay.
Throw me down
another day...

Fight the urge
close your lips.
Happiness comes
within 2 sips.
Lost and wandering
on my way.
Shine the light
another day...