that's the last time I saw that pretty smile upon your face...
I plan on this being my last livejournal entry... I've had it for 2 years now I do believe, and it's been good to me, very rehabilitating... it tells a story, quite a few in fact, but they're all in the past, and it's time to move on. When I first started dating Julie, she helped me set it up, and from then on out it's been my outlet for my venting. The time I spent with Julie I don't regret, no matter what I've ever said, it was fun and taught me a lot. Thanks, even if we don't get along now and probably never will again, due to us both changing and maturing so much.
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As for the person who matters to me the most, Jackie, this is a great record of our relationship, it's too bad it can't express how great we really were. The short time I've spent with you is the greatest and most important time of my life, because you taught me more than anyone ever has about what true love feels like, what true responsibility is like, and saved me from my self-destruction and showed me there is a better way. I like to think I helped you out too :). Most all you made me realize that one day you have to grow up, and quit doing the childish ignorant shit I did for kicks. Drinking and drugging are fun as hell, I can't lie, and I've done my share and don't regret it, but I'm glad it's over, and you've shown me I can truly live and be happy without all that baggage. You've been there with me at the lowest of my lows and the highest of my highs; not that long ago, it was me, you, and Alexus (who will always be my adopted daughter!) layed together in our bed, and you and I pretended to be asleep and watched Alexus groggily play around, and if that moment replayed over and over for eternity in my mind I would be eternally happy. The only thing I regret about our relationship is the fact that the first part of it I took you for granted and put you through hell. I would go back and change that if I could. But I want you to know I'm thankful for the time I could say that you were mine, and the plans we had made were too perfect to actually come true I guess. It's funny what all realizations come to you after it's over. But you know I'm always here and if you decide you want me to be with you and work around everything else in your life, I'm here. But I'm proud of you wanting to make something out of yourself and I know you'll succeed and go far if you keep your mind on it. You're a great mother and a great person all around and if we're never any more than friends for the rest of my life I'll be satisfied. I just hope that no matter what happens you allow me to hang around and see how you end up and see my baby grow up. I'm also happy that all that court shit is over and you told Josh everything you've needed to for so long, I know that takes a lot of weight off your back. I'm gradually working this friend thing out and getting used to it, just bear with me, the awkwardness is going away. I'll always love you more than most friends do, and there will always be a little hope in the back of my mind that believes we'll end up together, but if it's meant to be then it'll work itself out. Thanks, and I love you Jackie. Don't ever change or let the bastards get you down.
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As for everyone else on here, including but not limited to:
Chris: Roxxy still has your shirt, no big deal about closing LJ, I know we'll k.i.t. anyway
Mayder: Don't hardly talk to you anymore, your love of music almost rivals mine :p, holla at me sometime and we'll do something
Nathan: appreciate you letting me vent, you better call me or write me and we'll go to a show or something too
Jordan: I still read your LJ, you're very smart and I enjoy reading your posts
Julie: I still read your posts too, glad things are working out for you and Shadom
ECampbell: Still haven't caught CCR live, kinda been preoccupied with DBT, keep in touch
I want to thank ya'll for entertaining me and listening to my shit, hope everything works out for all of ya'll, if ya'll ever want to get in touch with me my email is BSmith7028@aol.com.
I'm out, peace, love, and empathy
Smitty
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As for the person who matters to me the most, Jackie, this is a great record of our relationship, it's too bad it can't express how great we really were. The short time I've spent with you is the greatest and most important time of my life, because you taught me more than anyone ever has about what true love feels like, what true responsibility is like, and saved me from my self-destruction and showed me there is a better way. I like to think I helped you out too :). Most all you made me realize that one day you have to grow up, and quit doing the childish ignorant shit I did for kicks. Drinking and drugging are fun as hell, I can't lie, and I've done my share and don't regret it, but I'm glad it's over, and you've shown me I can truly live and be happy without all that baggage. You've been there with me at the lowest of my lows and the highest of my highs; not that long ago, it was me, you, and Alexus (who will always be my adopted daughter!) layed together in our bed, and you and I pretended to be asleep and watched Alexus groggily play around, and if that moment replayed over and over for eternity in my mind I would be eternally happy. The only thing I regret about our relationship is the fact that the first part of it I took you for granted and put you through hell. I would go back and change that if I could. But I want you to know I'm thankful for the time I could say that you were mine, and the plans we had made were too perfect to actually come true I guess. It's funny what all realizations come to you after it's over. But you know I'm always here and if you decide you want me to be with you and work around everything else in your life, I'm here. But I'm proud of you wanting to make something out of yourself and I know you'll succeed and go far if you keep your mind on it. You're a great mother and a great person all around and if we're never any more than friends for the rest of my life I'll be satisfied. I just hope that no matter what happens you allow me to hang around and see how you end up and see my baby grow up. I'm also happy that all that court shit is over and you told Josh everything you've needed to for so long, I know that takes a lot of weight off your back. I'm gradually working this friend thing out and getting used to it, just bear with me, the awkwardness is going away. I'll always love you more than most friends do, and there will always be a little hope in the back of my mind that believes we'll end up together, but if it's meant to be then it'll work itself out. Thanks, and I love you Jackie. Don't ever change or let the bastards get you down.
====
As for everyone else on here, including but not limited to:
Chris: Roxxy still has your shirt, no big deal about closing LJ, I know we'll k.i.t. anyway
Mayder: Don't hardly talk to you anymore, your love of music almost rivals mine :p, holla at me sometime and we'll do something
Nathan: appreciate you letting me vent, you better call me or write me and we'll go to a show or something too
Jordan: I still read your LJ, you're very smart and I enjoy reading your posts
Julie: I still read your posts too, glad things are working out for you and Shadom
ECampbell: Still haven't caught CCR live, kinda been preoccupied with DBT, keep in touch
I want to thank ya'll for entertaining me and listening to my shit, hope everything works out for all of ya'll, if ya'll ever want to get in touch with me my email is BSmith7028@aol.com.
I'm out, peace, love, and empathy
Smitty