"If you have to let your neurons go crazy firing, can you at least not aim them at me?"
Profound inability to focus on things lately. Perhaps due to the recent stress. Maybe now that it's more dealt with I won't be so out of it. I'd seriously better snap out of it this weekend, as my final paper for my summer class is due this coming week. I don't yet know what to write about, and it has to be long too, between ten and fifteen pages. *Sigh* I like this teacher a lot, so I want to do a good job. Still, it shudders me to think of that much work when my brain is so zapped.
I am learning recently that there is real truth in the notion that there can be too much of a good thing. I'm kind of exhausted with it.
I miss Jared, but that's nothing new. It's been almost a month since we were together last, and it'll be another month before we can be again. There's one good thing I'm not getting enough of, and in fact never seem to be able to. Because I'm afraid of losing it in transport to the gym in the morning, I haven't been able to wear much jewelry lately, but I try to have his necklace on as much as I can. I'm struck all over again by how pretty it is-- white gold in a shape like a figure eight with an extra loop, with a line of tiny diamonds running all along one side. So beautiful, and I love it. I call it my pretty. I wear it a lot most of the time, but especially lately I use it as a reminder of him, a way of feeling close to him. I'm such a sap, but I love that boy, and boy, do I miss him.
It seems there is an extra twenty-five dollars I don't remember depositing in my checking account. I really don't know how it got there, and while it is nice to have money appearing randomly (better than disappearing, I suppose) I'd still like to know where the hell it came from.
I am obsessed with my Google calendar. I like having a way of tracking where I have to be when, and to be able to look back and see what I did in the past. When I first made it I had this notion that I would put it out there as a way for people to find me if they needed me, but lately I find I don't really want that. More and more, perhaps as a result of getting older, I find I don't like having to account for my whereabouts to anyone. I like being able to go do things on a whim, or disappear randomly for a while, without having any kind of tabs kept on me. Well, most people, anyway. I like to always let Jared know, just as I like to know where he's going or what he's doing, just in case. But pretty much everyone else, I like to have the capability to slip away from if I need to just do my own thing.
This is certainly a disjointed entry, but it rather reflects the way my brain is working at the moment.
I am learning recently that there is real truth in the notion that there can be too much of a good thing. I'm kind of exhausted with it.
I miss Jared, but that's nothing new. It's been almost a month since we were together last, and it'll be another month before we can be again. There's one good thing I'm not getting enough of, and in fact never seem to be able to. Because I'm afraid of losing it in transport to the gym in the morning, I haven't been able to wear much jewelry lately, but I try to have his necklace on as much as I can. I'm struck all over again by how pretty it is-- white gold in a shape like a figure eight with an extra loop, with a line of tiny diamonds running all along one side. So beautiful, and I love it. I call it my pretty. I wear it a lot most of the time, but especially lately I use it as a reminder of him, a way of feeling close to him. I'm such a sap, but I love that boy, and boy, do I miss him.
It seems there is an extra twenty-five dollars I don't remember depositing in my checking account. I really don't know how it got there, and while it is nice to have money appearing randomly (better than disappearing, I suppose) I'd still like to know where the hell it came from.
I am obsessed with my Google calendar. I like having a way of tracking where I have to be when, and to be able to look back and see what I did in the past. When I first made it I had this notion that I would put it out there as a way for people to find me if they needed me, but lately I find I don't really want that. More and more, perhaps as a result of getting older, I find I don't like having to account for my whereabouts to anyone. I like being able to go do things on a whim, or disappear randomly for a while, without having any kind of tabs kept on me. Well, most people, anyway. I like to always let Jared know, just as I like to know where he's going or what he's doing, just in case. But pretty much everyone else, I like to have the capability to slip away from if I need to just do my own thing.
This is certainly a disjointed entry, but it rather reflects the way my brain is working at the moment.