Damn stupid brain
It's been a rough couple of days. I feel damn lousy, and I've gotten almost nothing done. I am reminded at how damn screwed up my ability to focus is and it pisses me off. I get a fair bit done, but my inability to buckle down to things for long periods means I could be getting so much more done and I don't. I hate it. I blame my stupid Smart phone and related implements; I believe they've optimized my brain to process many short things very quickly. I notice my ability to multitask and speed of thought has never been greater. I can read and have a conversation at the same time with minimal loss of absorption. So mental sprints are stronger than ever. But if it's for a long haul, I'm next to useless. I haven't read a book in I don't know how long because I can't concentrate on anything longer than a few pages. When I sit down to work it takes me ages to get into it; I waste so much time screwing around. It makes me so angry.
Sometimes I think I'd be so much better off if I threw my phone away. Disconnected my computer from the Internet. But I'm so damn addicted at this point it's like going through detox, and I'm sure it would end up making other things in my life harder if I actually got rid of it. And what would I do if I didn't have my precious phone to distract me from the social situations which I am increasingly disliking? I've felt incredibly antisocial lately, both for incidental interaction and regarding friends. I just want to hide from everybody lately.
Bitch, bitch, bitch. Why don't you write something productive, bitch? Instead of wasting your time for once.