Scars
Title: Scars
Authors: dreaminginside & kellsung
Pairing: Yewook
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: ~1800
Summary: I'll fix you, he wanted to tell him, but he knew he wouldn't, he couldn't.
He wanted it to end. Whenever Ryeowook cried silently during the lunch break over the tones of texts that he had gotten no reply to, over the wasted months, years, over his shattered heart, Jongwoon would pray for it to end. It wasn't that he didn't wish him well; on the contrary, he wanted to give him everything he thought he deserved. But truth to be told, he wasn't in the position to give him anything, and he was an egoist too, a selfish man whose heart had a few scars of its own, big, ugly scars that he tried to hide away from the prying eyes of nosy people.
All he wanted to do was pull Ryeowook into his arms, tell him that he wouldn’t have to worry anymore, but he knew he wasn’t the shining example of what Ryeowook could have, should have. He’d been broken just as much, if not more, than Ryeowook, and he didn’t want to have to put the man through something like all the other relationships he’d had.
I'll fix you, he wanted to tell him, but he knew he wouldn't, he couldn't. He was no healer, but then again, as long as he didn't get hurt, he was sure he would never hurt anyone either. I'd never do this, I'd never break your heart, he wanted to promise him but what if Ryeowook's heart was not the one he should be concerned about?
He didn’t think that he had much to lose anyway though, his heart almost beyond able to be hurt anymore. It’s why when he found Ryeowook crying over his phone one more time that he couldn’t stop himself from pulling the phone from the man’s hands, Ryeowook’s surprised eyes looking at him as Jongwoon told him look at me instead.
There was confusion written all over Ryeowook's face and thus Jongwoon didn't expect him to agree, didn't even expect a single nod. He didn't receive either that day, but the next day Ryeowook came crying to him again and this time, Jongwoon was informed that Ryeowook needs someone to stick the pieces of his heart back together. “It's not like we're a couple now,” he said and Jongwoon felt one more scar being added to the old ones. “But it's hard to be alone.”
“Okay,” Jongwoon had said, because he could understand Ryeowook’s reluctance, and knows that he probably wouldn’t even have believed himself if he’d been in Ryeowook’s shoes. And he did know exactly how hard it was to be alone, though he wasn’t sure how who had been with Ryeowook in the past could be much better than being alone. He mentioned it once, but Ryeowook just smiled, said you wouldn’t understand.
Oh I would, he intended to say but words got stuck in his throat and never left his mouth. He knew it'd be better for him to never reveal his scars to anyone.
Because scars are scary.
***
They never kissed, nor did they hold hands so he didn't know what to make of it when Ryeowook suggested that they should stop it.
“Lets stop it,” he said with a pained expression and a voice that didn't waver. “I don't want to hurt you.”
“You can’t break me anymore than I already am,” Jongwoon smiled, only slightly bitter, before he took a deep breath, and decided to just take a chance. He reached his hands out for Ryeowook’s, grabbing them before the other man could have a chance to run. “Can’t we try to fix each other instead of going back to the way we were?”
“It's not that simple,” Ryeowook muttered, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. “I can't be fixed anymore, I'm dead inside.”
“Are you?” Jongwoon asked, stepping closer and leaning in, lips stopping mere inches away from Ryeowook's. “Are you really?”
He didn't kiss him until he'd felt the shiver under his palm when he'd cupped his cheek. He didn't kiss him until Ryeowook had closed his eyes and let his body betray him.
For a moment, Ryeowook just let himself go, let himself do what he wanted and just kiss Jongwoon. He gave in and stopped thinking, the feel of Jongwoon’s mouth on his almost irresistible. It was when Jongwoon’s other hand snaked around his waist that he came back to himself, hands pushing violently against Jongwoon’s chest, shaking his head as he tried to organize his thoughts.
It felt like thousands of blades when it fact, it was just a silent no that cut deep into him, piercing right through his heart. No blood gushed from the wounded muscle though, and Jongwoon found himself almost wishing it had, because maybe then Ryeowook would see.
He didn't say anything for there was nothing more to say. He just turned around casually and walked off, ignoring the ceaseless yet meaningless whimpers of I'm sorry.
“Just wait for one minute,” Jongwoon heard as a hand grabbed his arm, having not noticed that Ryeowook even made an attempt to follow him. He didn’t look back to see Ryeowook’s pleading eyes, though, the other man staring resolutely at the ground, trying to ignore the break in Ryeowook’s voice. “Can’t I at least have a minute to think about this? I’ve made too many fast decisions in the past that just leave me broken, I just can’t trust my feelings anymore.”
“A minute,” Jongwoon repeated flatly. “A minute to think about this.” Ryeowook raised his curious eyes just in time to see the other shaking his head with a fake smile plastered on his face. “You tell me to wait one more minute, huh? Well, you know what? I've been waiting for months - no - years. Do you even realize? Do you know how hard it's been to watch you getting tossed from one asshole to another? To watch you cry your heart out over stupid jerks that only knew how to hurt you? Can't you see you're doing the exact same thing to me now?”
Ryeowook recoiled like he’d been hit when Jongwoon’s words finally got through to him. It made so much more sense now, why Jongwoon would even have wanted to bother with someone like him, one broken person for another. He swallowed heavily, and his hand shook where it gripped Jongwoon’s arm tighter. “I’m sorry,” He breathed, meeting Jongwoon’s eyes steadily, “I’m just scared, Jongwoon, and if you’ve really been watching me that long then you should know why. I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it, a relationship like this is just new to me.”
“A relationship like this?” Jongwoon asked, voice probably a little bit louder than he had intended it to be. “What do you mean?” He tried to wait patiently for Ryeowook's reply but there was none for the longest time, not a single word, and he could almost literally feel anger burning him from the inside. “Tell me!”
“I don't know, okay! I don't know. I'm scared. We're colleagues, friends, you know everything about me, you've seen everything, you've-”
“For fuck's sake, Ryeowook, just because you weren't friends with any of your previous so-called boyfriends doesn't mean it's impossible!”
“Look at it from my perspective for just a second,” Ryeowook gritted his teeth and hissed out, reciprocating some of Jongwoon’s anger with his own. “Do you think that all my relationships start badly? No, they start out just like you, they want to know me, be my friend, and you see how those have ended up. No one has ever tried as hard as you though, and that’s what confuses me the most. Because why would someone ever want someone like me so much?”
“Fuck if I know,” Jongwoon all but wailed, feeling this close to giving up. “I don't know the reasons. All I know is that I want to hold you when you're about to fall, wanna touch you, kiss you, wanna-”
“Jongwoon...” Ryeowook gasped, astounded, because Jongwoon's hands were suddenly cupping his cheeks and they were warm, so warm, much like his breath ghosting over his lips.
“I want to have you so much, Ryeowook.”
And that time Ryeowook let Jongwoon kiss him, didn’t push him away. As selfish as it may have seemed, he wanted to feel that Jongwoon really wanted him, a tangible want that he would be able to feel and see. It wasn’t harsh and rough the way he was used to being handled, but something much softer, slower as Jongwoon pulled him close. It was why Ryeowook couldn’t help himself when he whispered Why? into Jongwoon’s mouth.
“Why do you need answers for everything?” Jongwoon mumbled, feeling Ryeowook gradually relax in his arms. “Why can't you just assume you're the most beautiful, most sensitive, most loving person in the world, which is exactly what I think you are?”
“You'll be so disappointed,” Ryeowook let out a chuckle in reply, dry though it was. “I am none of those.”
“You are everything” Jongwoon said, frowning slightly. “This, and so much more.”
And then they were kissing again, lips moving faster, bolder, shivers shooting through them as their tongues first met.
“You aren’t so bad yourself, you know,” Ryeowook mumbled when they finally pulled away from each other, breathing heavily. He still wasn’t quite ready to believe Jongwoon’s opinion of him, but he knew that Jongwoon’s words were sincere at least, could see it in his eyes in the way he looked at him after they’d kissed, Ryeowook biting his lip self consciously. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at him that way. “I know how I am, and you really must be truly amazing to have waited this long for me.”
“That I am,” Jongwoon smiled, pressing their foreheads together. They stood like that for what seemed like hours, reveling in the warmth of each other's embrace, before Ryeowook pulled away, eyes fixed on his own feet when he whispered, “Have me.”
They took a leap of faith that night, scared, uncertain and broken. But when Jongwoon woke up to Ryeowook's nose pressed against his neck and Ryeowook to Jongwoon's arms around him, both had one scar less.
...
Thank you for reading, we hope you enjoyed! :)
Authors: dreaminginside & kellsung
Pairing: Yewook
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: ~1800
Summary: I'll fix you, he wanted to tell him, but he knew he wouldn't, he couldn't.
He wanted it to end. Whenever Ryeowook cried silently during the lunch break over the tones of texts that he had gotten no reply to, over the wasted months, years, over his shattered heart, Jongwoon would pray for it to end. It wasn't that he didn't wish him well; on the contrary, he wanted to give him everything he thought he deserved. But truth to be told, he wasn't in the position to give him anything, and he was an egoist too, a selfish man whose heart had a few scars of its own, big, ugly scars that he tried to hide away from the prying eyes of nosy people.
All he wanted to do was pull Ryeowook into his arms, tell him that he wouldn’t have to worry anymore, but he knew he wasn’t the shining example of what Ryeowook could have, should have. He’d been broken just as much, if not more, than Ryeowook, and he didn’t want to have to put the man through something like all the other relationships he’d had.
I'll fix you, he wanted to tell him, but he knew he wouldn't, he couldn't. He was no healer, but then again, as long as he didn't get hurt, he was sure he would never hurt anyone either. I'd never do this, I'd never break your heart, he wanted to promise him but what if Ryeowook's heart was not the one he should be concerned about?
He didn’t think that he had much to lose anyway though, his heart almost beyond able to be hurt anymore. It’s why when he found Ryeowook crying over his phone one more time that he couldn’t stop himself from pulling the phone from the man’s hands, Ryeowook’s surprised eyes looking at him as Jongwoon told him look at me instead.
There was confusion written all over Ryeowook's face and thus Jongwoon didn't expect him to agree, didn't even expect a single nod. He didn't receive either that day, but the next day Ryeowook came crying to him again and this time, Jongwoon was informed that Ryeowook needs someone to stick the pieces of his heart back together. “It's not like we're a couple now,” he said and Jongwoon felt one more scar being added to the old ones. “But it's hard to be alone.”
“Okay,” Jongwoon had said, because he could understand Ryeowook’s reluctance, and knows that he probably wouldn’t even have believed himself if he’d been in Ryeowook’s shoes. And he did know exactly how hard it was to be alone, though he wasn’t sure how who had been with Ryeowook in the past could be much better than being alone. He mentioned it once, but Ryeowook just smiled, said you wouldn’t understand.
Oh I would, he intended to say but words got stuck in his throat and never left his mouth. He knew it'd be better for him to never reveal his scars to anyone.
Because scars are scary.
***
They never kissed, nor did they hold hands so he didn't know what to make of it when Ryeowook suggested that they should stop it.
“Lets stop it,” he said with a pained expression and a voice that didn't waver. “I don't want to hurt you.”
“You can’t break me anymore than I already am,” Jongwoon smiled, only slightly bitter, before he took a deep breath, and decided to just take a chance. He reached his hands out for Ryeowook’s, grabbing them before the other man could have a chance to run. “Can’t we try to fix each other instead of going back to the way we were?”
“It's not that simple,” Ryeowook muttered, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. “I can't be fixed anymore, I'm dead inside.”
“Are you?” Jongwoon asked, stepping closer and leaning in, lips stopping mere inches away from Ryeowook's. “Are you really?”
He didn't kiss him until he'd felt the shiver under his palm when he'd cupped his cheek. He didn't kiss him until Ryeowook had closed his eyes and let his body betray him.
For a moment, Ryeowook just let himself go, let himself do what he wanted and just kiss Jongwoon. He gave in and stopped thinking, the feel of Jongwoon’s mouth on his almost irresistible. It was when Jongwoon’s other hand snaked around his waist that he came back to himself, hands pushing violently against Jongwoon’s chest, shaking his head as he tried to organize his thoughts.
It felt like thousands of blades when it fact, it was just a silent no that cut deep into him, piercing right through his heart. No blood gushed from the wounded muscle though, and Jongwoon found himself almost wishing it had, because maybe then Ryeowook would see.
He didn't say anything for there was nothing more to say. He just turned around casually and walked off, ignoring the ceaseless yet meaningless whimpers of I'm sorry.
“Just wait for one minute,” Jongwoon heard as a hand grabbed his arm, having not noticed that Ryeowook even made an attempt to follow him. He didn’t look back to see Ryeowook’s pleading eyes, though, the other man staring resolutely at the ground, trying to ignore the break in Ryeowook’s voice. “Can’t I at least have a minute to think about this? I’ve made too many fast decisions in the past that just leave me broken, I just can’t trust my feelings anymore.”
“A minute,” Jongwoon repeated flatly. “A minute to think about this.” Ryeowook raised his curious eyes just in time to see the other shaking his head with a fake smile plastered on his face. “You tell me to wait one more minute, huh? Well, you know what? I've been waiting for months - no - years. Do you even realize? Do you know how hard it's been to watch you getting tossed from one asshole to another? To watch you cry your heart out over stupid jerks that only knew how to hurt you? Can't you see you're doing the exact same thing to me now?”
Ryeowook recoiled like he’d been hit when Jongwoon’s words finally got through to him. It made so much more sense now, why Jongwoon would even have wanted to bother with someone like him, one broken person for another. He swallowed heavily, and his hand shook where it gripped Jongwoon’s arm tighter. “I’m sorry,” He breathed, meeting Jongwoon’s eyes steadily, “I’m just scared, Jongwoon, and if you’ve really been watching me that long then you should know why. I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it, a relationship like this is just new to me.”
“A relationship like this?” Jongwoon asked, voice probably a little bit louder than he had intended it to be. “What do you mean?” He tried to wait patiently for Ryeowook's reply but there was none for the longest time, not a single word, and he could almost literally feel anger burning him from the inside. “Tell me!”
“I don't know, okay! I don't know. I'm scared. We're colleagues, friends, you know everything about me, you've seen everything, you've-”
“For fuck's sake, Ryeowook, just because you weren't friends with any of your previous so-called boyfriends doesn't mean it's impossible!”
“Look at it from my perspective for just a second,” Ryeowook gritted his teeth and hissed out, reciprocating some of Jongwoon’s anger with his own. “Do you think that all my relationships start badly? No, they start out just like you, they want to know me, be my friend, and you see how those have ended up. No one has ever tried as hard as you though, and that’s what confuses me the most. Because why would someone ever want someone like me so much?”
“Fuck if I know,” Jongwoon all but wailed, feeling this close to giving up. “I don't know the reasons. All I know is that I want to hold you when you're about to fall, wanna touch you, kiss you, wanna-”
“Jongwoon...” Ryeowook gasped, astounded, because Jongwoon's hands were suddenly cupping his cheeks and they were warm, so warm, much like his breath ghosting over his lips.
“I want to have you so much, Ryeowook.”
And that time Ryeowook let Jongwoon kiss him, didn’t push him away. As selfish as it may have seemed, he wanted to feel that Jongwoon really wanted him, a tangible want that he would be able to feel and see. It wasn’t harsh and rough the way he was used to being handled, but something much softer, slower as Jongwoon pulled him close. It was why Ryeowook couldn’t help himself when he whispered Why? into Jongwoon’s mouth.
“Why do you need answers for everything?” Jongwoon mumbled, feeling Ryeowook gradually relax in his arms. “Why can't you just assume you're the most beautiful, most sensitive, most loving person in the world, which is exactly what I think you are?”
“You'll be so disappointed,” Ryeowook let out a chuckle in reply, dry though it was. “I am none of those.”
“You are everything” Jongwoon said, frowning slightly. “This, and so much more.”
And then they were kissing again, lips moving faster, bolder, shivers shooting through them as their tongues first met.
“You aren’t so bad yourself, you know,” Ryeowook mumbled when they finally pulled away from each other, breathing heavily. He still wasn’t quite ready to believe Jongwoon’s opinion of him, but he knew that Jongwoon’s words were sincere at least, could see it in his eyes in the way he looked at him after they’d kissed, Ryeowook biting his lip self consciously. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at him that way. “I know how I am, and you really must be truly amazing to have waited this long for me.”
“That I am,” Jongwoon smiled, pressing their foreheads together. They stood like that for what seemed like hours, reveling in the warmth of each other's embrace, before Ryeowook pulled away, eyes fixed on his own feet when he whispered, “Have me.”
They took a leap of faith that night, scared, uncertain and broken. But when Jongwoon woke up to Ryeowook's nose pressed against his neck and Ryeowook to Jongwoon's arms around him, both had one scar less.
...
Thank you for reading, we hope you enjoyed! :)