Join the Youth and Beauty Brigade
Yesterday was a great break from everything.
My feelings were off the walls.
Erika came over. We sketched out her painting. The thought of doing another painting just gets me excited and happy; looking at all my new brushes makes me want to jump around and yell. yay.
I went to rugby yesterday. It's been forever. We went there to meet up with Meagan for dinner later. I haven't played rugby in forever; I can safely say I miss it. I was really intimidated at first. All the college boys. But I saw familiar faces: a couple coaches I knew and some high schoolers were there. I didn't have cleats or shorts because I didn't think it'd be long. And it wasn't; we didn't stay long. It was fun though. We played a touch scrimmage using "Michigan rules."
I know we were just playing around but god. There was this one instant where I knew I should of dove at that gay that flew past me. I would of got him. But god. That feeling of just wanting to dive at someone. UGH I miss rugby so much. It was the best pain reliever.
Went out to eat Sushi with Meagan and Erika. Um, I love sushi. I love Meagan! I never get to see her often so I was happy to hang out with her again. After we ate we went back to her dorms and just hung around for a bit and then we left. I hate being the youngest. =[
I want college so bad, but oh well. I'm being patient.
But anyway... I told Matt about Paige and I. I think he took it kind of weird. He thinks we were the perfect couple; not were but are. I don't know. We would of been the perfect couple. If I hadn't of moved away, it would of been perfect.
You know, I'm glad I moved.
Missouri made me so unhappy. I had no one there but her. It was and is a miserable place. I'm glad I moved to Athens. I love it here. I don't care it's the south. It's better than Washington. I have friends here who understand me. Besides, there's way too much straight people in Washington. It's awkward.
We went out to dinner, when I visited, with her friends. All straight but this one boy, whom I love. It was awkward. They were talking about boys. I mean, what the hell? I HAVE straight friends but my straight friends are use to my jokes and me being OPENLY gay. Her friends were definitly not. It was awkward, so I was quiet the whole time. I was sitting there going, "where the hell are the gay people, shit" I could totally tell Trey, the gay boy, wasn't use to being around other gay people. He sounds gay, but he doesn't really talk gay? Does that make sense? Oh well. boy that boy would burst if he met my gay friends, lmao.
I just noticed that when I visited. No wonder I didn't find out I was gay until I moved to Georgia. Washington, MO is a freaking backwater city. Ugh. I hate that place. I hate the people in it, most at least.
Whatever, I don't even want to go into all of this now.
This is just upsetting me.
Will and I might hang out tonight. Tomorrow I'm spending the night at Apo's with Hannah and some of Apo's friends. My goal is not to get freaking smashed. I am friendly when I'm drunk and there are two people in that room who like me.
That won't end well. Wish me luck.
ps - if I wasn't so scared of relationships and commitment right now; I'd totally be flipping out on Olivia. Bleh. Why are all the awesome people in Cali? god damn. haha. Oh well, it's just like my luck.
My feelings were off the walls.
Erika came over. We sketched out her painting. The thought of doing another painting just gets me excited and happy; looking at all my new brushes makes me want to jump around and yell. yay.
I went to rugby yesterday. It's been forever. We went there to meet up with Meagan for dinner later. I haven't played rugby in forever; I can safely say I miss it. I was really intimidated at first. All the college boys. But I saw familiar faces: a couple coaches I knew and some high schoolers were there. I didn't have cleats or shorts because I didn't think it'd be long. And it wasn't; we didn't stay long. It was fun though. We played a touch scrimmage using "Michigan rules."
I know we were just playing around but god. There was this one instant where I knew I should of dove at that gay that flew past me. I would of got him. But god. That feeling of just wanting to dive at someone. UGH I miss rugby so much. It was the best pain reliever.
Went out to eat Sushi with Meagan and Erika. Um, I love sushi. I love Meagan! I never get to see her often so I was happy to hang out with her again. After we ate we went back to her dorms and just hung around for a bit and then we left. I hate being the youngest. =[
I want college so bad, but oh well. I'm being patient.
But anyway... I told Matt about Paige and I. I think he took it kind of weird. He thinks we were the perfect couple; not were but are. I don't know. We would of been the perfect couple. If I hadn't of moved away, it would of been perfect.
You know, I'm glad I moved.
Missouri made me so unhappy. I had no one there but her. It was and is a miserable place. I'm glad I moved to Athens. I love it here. I don't care it's the south. It's better than Washington. I have friends here who understand me. Besides, there's way too much straight people in Washington. It's awkward.
We went out to dinner, when I visited, with her friends. All straight but this one boy, whom I love. It was awkward. They were talking about boys. I mean, what the hell? I HAVE straight friends but my straight friends are use to my jokes and me being OPENLY gay. Her friends were definitly not. It was awkward, so I was quiet the whole time. I was sitting there going, "where the hell are the gay people, shit" I could totally tell Trey, the gay boy, wasn't use to being around other gay people. He sounds gay, but he doesn't really talk gay? Does that make sense? Oh well. boy that boy would burst if he met my gay friends, lmao.
I just noticed that when I visited. No wonder I didn't find out I was gay until I moved to Georgia. Washington, MO is a freaking backwater city. Ugh. I hate that place. I hate the people in it, most at least.
Whatever, I don't even want to go into all of this now.
This is just upsetting me.
Will and I might hang out tonight. Tomorrow I'm spending the night at Apo's with Hannah and some of Apo's friends. My goal is not to get freaking smashed. I am friendly when I'm drunk and there are two people in that room who like me.
That won't end well. Wish me luck.
ps - if I wasn't so scared of relationships and commitment right now; I'd totally be flipping out on Olivia. Bleh. Why are all the awesome people in Cali? god damn. haha. Oh well, it's just like my luck.