(no subject)
I've been drowning in green tea.
Last week of Fall semester. Finals are going to be long, but okay.
I am not that afraid of them. They matter, yet they don't.
This week will go by fast.
I am ready to go home, yet I am not.
I will get to see the people who matter to me the most.
Work. Earn money. Play.
Sleep in my own bed. Smell the scent of my pillow cases.
Drive to another town, while listening to music.
Hah. Speeding.
Christmas is approaching. I love this season.
The smell changes. The air changes.
The entire environment changes.
It seems to get peaceful even though it's busy.
I love it.
Then it will go away.
Things will get not only busy but somewhat sad.
I picture more grey, yet blues when the summer arrives.
However, the feeling that present during this season isn't here.
Everything in my life is fine.
There are plenty of times where it's content, smiles, joyfulness, and above it all.
It is never depressing. It is never sad.
There are at times I get mad because of silly things.
But...
my life is never hurtful. It is never suicidal. It is never abandoned.
It is regretful of certain things.
But that does not mean I wish to change it.
It just means that I make mistakes
& I keep learning.
I have been rejected. I have rejected.
I have loved. I am in love.
I have cried. I still cry when things hurt.
However, it does not haunt me.
At the end of the day, it goes away
and I cannot even remember.
I am the helper. The mouth full of light.
People cling to my words.
And sometimes, unfortunately, they never let go.
So, I let them go.
I am my own self, whom I have established, perfected, ripped apart, rebuilding person I have created.
I am no longer a perfectionist.
Since then, life has changed.
I don't give myself any self pity.
Life reminds of me of a big, crowded, smoggy city.
It's ugly, yet beautiful.
It's not complicated. It's simple.
It just appears to be complicated.
You have no idea how grateful and positive I am about life.
I am realistic. I do not dream, except at night.
It's everything.