Realization
I think about when I have no clothes on, whether it's just a shirt, or just panties and a bra, or just the panties, whatever, it makes me think of my skin. I must say that my skin is one of the best parts of my body. I mean IT IS my body practically, but it is one of the things that I am proud of to show off. When I was younger, I was the tomboy who didn't really know anything about being feminine. My skin was dry, crackly, [sounds disgusting I know], and just ugly. Then when I became older I promised myself that I would become beautiful and indeed feminine. I am a woman LOL & I am proud of it. I practically love my face all the way to my little feet. Of course, there is always room for improvements, but after all the fucking body image problems, I must say that I love the way I look. I have grown since high school, even though it's only been 3 years. I feel like I have under gone a physical transformation slowly, but surely. However, mentally, I have gone up and down. I have always been known as the positive figure, little miss sunshine so to speak, and I flaunted that because I felt I could be peoples' light when they felt like they had none. A little while ago, a lot shit happened and I "gave up." I was tired of being everyone's shoulder and "why should I be positive, when everyone else isn't, what good has it gotten me? No where, etc. etc. etc." HAHA I was such a little immature brat thinking that. That short time was truly a moment of weakness. So, everytime I feel tired of going through life's obstacle, I think back to my junior&senior year of high school, when I remember that was when I was the most optimistic in my life. Everytime I think back to those times, it makes me smile to see how strong I was, and know that I can be just as open and bright now or even more. And I like that.
I was watching Shear Genius last night and Dee did a rocker theme. She was telling a story of how rockers go through certain phases with their hair. It made me think how I just go through certain phases. HAHA I have changed my imaged so much I used to wonder if i was ever certain of who I was. Then halfway over the summer, I realized what I honestly liked and who I wanted to be. For the longest time before that I was into the whole scene crowd. Idk why but the fashion, make-up, etc. just appealed to me. About July, it's like I woke up one day and I hated that kind of thing. Anything that had to do with emo and scene, I just detested. I still like some punk and rock and roll. Don't get me wrong, I love skulls. But, from the hair color, to the bright clothing, to the jewelry accessories, it was now I total turn off. It still is. I don't know what I was thiinking. I even dyed my hair half blonde/brown, and I realized that I will never do that again. I am over it all. Now, what my real style is sophisticated, cute, sexy, and put together. Overall, simple. I am good with this. I went to church this morning and I was wearing this dress that I bought at the end of the summer, and it reminded my sister, boyfriend, and me of Jackie Onassis[Kennedy]. Again, sophisticated and simple. =]
SO, here's what I am certain of myself:
- I love being positive/optimistic
- I am the only person who can control what I do and how I feel
- Simple style
- The future ia my concentration, not the past.
- I [for the majority] think my body is bangin. <3
“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.” --Carrie/Sarah Jessica Parker
xoxoxo