eveything feels the same, i gotta get away...

[break__my__fall]

i made my mom cry today. i didnt mean to. i only meant it to be sarcastic and maybe even funny, but apparently it didnt come out that way. we were watching TV and our satalite has a tendancy to "blink." its only becuase you reciever is old, but its annoying all the same because sometimes it will jsut cut out in mid program. anyway...so my mom was sitting on the love seat and i was on the chair and after one of its infamous blackouts i said "it would be one amazing experience to watch a TV show the whole way through." and she just broke down and walked into the kitchen and started making dinner. i didnt know what to do so i chose my usual defense mechanism...my room. i really didnt mean to and i started crying after she started crying and it just snowballed from there. i went outside and shot some hoops and cried some more and went for a quick run and cried a little on the side.

i hate having all this extra time to think about everything ive "done wrong" and how i can fix it. it eats away at me and i have no choice but to dwell on it. it hurts and i hate it.

i also have this weird echoie sound that happens in my left ear when someone talks. like its plugged up or something. but ive already taken the qui-tip to it so i dontknow what else it could be. oh well.

sorry this was so pointless, but according to my creative writing teacher, a disciplined writer writes everyday. story or no story.

later