here comes your man.

[breadlessbeauty]

i got my grades back the other day.

well. i did well.
surprised, certainly, but pleasantly surprised,
and i guess i should have been proud of myself.
i worked hard. there's nothing else
i could have done to improve my grades.

the classes were great, for the most part.
i was happy with my performance.

something didn't feel so great, though.
i don't know what was wrong.
empty. i felt empty.
...what does it matter how i did?

i needed someone else to be happy for me.
when i told my mom about my grades, she gave me
the generic response she gives
when i tell her of an accomplishment:
"that's great, sweetie!"

for some reason,
it sounded so hollow when she said it.
i know she probably meant it, and i don't expect
fanfare and flowers and a high-five and all of that,
but...it didn't feel like enough.

sometimes,
i just want to be able to look at myself,
to look at who i am and what i've done
and be proud of whatever
i did, whether it was jogging 2.5 miles
for the first time, or receiving a good grade...

it makes me think, perhaps what i accomplished
wasn't really all that difficult...
i could have done better...
who really cares...not me...
not anyone else...
it isn't important...

if i can't be happy for myself,
then i want someone to be happy for me.

that person doesn't live here.

home is with you.
i want need to go home.