Borderline
I may be entering a "low" period in this relatively mood-stabilized life I have. It's hard to tell just yet, but the last few days I've felt weary, it's been harder to mask or just deal with the frustrations at hand, and all I've wanted to do today is sleep.
One of the things I hate about my depression is that I've almost never experienced that telltale "loss of appetite" that's always listed as a symptom of generalized depression. I mean, if I'm going to have this affliction, I should at least get some free weight loss out of it. That's always been my perspective, anyway.
The reason I thought of that was because I had a ginormous lunch after work today, I mean seriously stuffed myself. I never have been very good at moderating my consumption of really delicious things. Hence the 2 pieces of pie yesterday.
When I'm at work I feel like it's this out-of-control environment where things have been set in motion and changing or derailing anything is almost out of the question, if I could even find time to try. I think that's why I spent a lot of yesterday in the office putting bows on jellies, because it was something small I could focus on and keep myself from freaking out. I spent the last few hours today holed up in the office, too, working on the schedule for the week after next. Sure, it was something I needed to do, and I did answer the phone a few times, too, but still, I knew even as I was doing it that it was just an excuse to sit down and not deal for a while.
I keep telling myself I just have to make it through December, but I have to remember that, come January, there probably won't be any more jobs in this town than there are now. Much as I don't want to, I need to get used to the idea that I will probably be stuck in this job for more than just another month. Just take some deep breaths, and get used to it.
One of the things I hate about my depression is that I've almost never experienced that telltale "loss of appetite" that's always listed as a symptom of generalized depression. I mean, if I'm going to have this affliction, I should at least get some free weight loss out of it. That's always been my perspective, anyway.
The reason I thought of that was because I had a ginormous lunch after work today, I mean seriously stuffed myself. I never have been very good at moderating my consumption of really delicious things. Hence the 2 pieces of pie yesterday.
When I'm at work I feel like it's this out-of-control environment where things have been set in motion and changing or derailing anything is almost out of the question, if I could even find time to try. I think that's why I spent a lot of yesterday in the office putting bows on jellies, because it was something small I could focus on and keep myself from freaking out. I spent the last few hours today holed up in the office, too, working on the schedule for the week after next. Sure, it was something I needed to do, and I did answer the phone a few times, too, but still, I knew even as I was doing it that it was just an excuse to sit down and not deal for a while.
I keep telling myself I just have to make it through December, but I have to remember that, come January, there probably won't be any more jobs in this town than there are now. Much as I don't want to, I need to get used to the idea that I will probably be stuck in this job for more than just another month. Just take some deep breaths, and get used to it.