the violin
Okay so first the flattering and scary stuff- my good friend and bridesmaid Amalia wants me to play at her wedding in May. She's been talking to me about us practicing together for a while now and just confessed she had an ulterior motive.
I haven't practiced regularly in 8 years.
This is something I feel both reallyreally bad about and reallyreally sad about.
I played the violin from the age of 4 until Iw as 18. I was relatively serious about it- I always knew I would never be a concert violinist or pursue a professional career, but I played in various youth and school orchestras. I actually chose my music and arts high school specifically for the chance to play in an awardwinning orchestra with a phenomenal conductor. I did play with that orchestra and it afforded me incredible opportunities- we won music festivals, got invited to Japan and went, played peace concerts, a concert in the Seattle Symphony Hall- it was just incredible.
Then I went to college and was overwhelmed academically. I was trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do, and I was dealing with a lot of emotional issues as well. I stopped playing.
I have since carted my violin with me everywhere I have lived, pick it up ac ouple fo times a year and try to play, then get so angry at myself and depressed about being bad and out of practice that I give up. A very unattractive personality trait that I have is perfectionism- if I can't do it right the first time I get very upset. Ironically, as a child the violin was one of the things that forced me to deal with that and try to change it, but these days it just winds up discouraging me.
Every time I see a movie with an orchestra in it I get sad- to the point of crying. It was a huge part of my life and I gave it up and I knew while doing it that it would always be hard to go back and I did it anyway. I can't believe I was so stupid even at 18.
Anyway, having Amalia ask me to play for her wedding is both flattering (that she trusts that I can get back enough of my skills to be able to play something, even something basic), and scary. It means I have to confront the fact that my skills are not nearly where they were 8 years ago, and I have to suck it up and just stink for a little bit while I get some of that back. I'm glad to have a goal for motivation and scared that I will fail. Plus which even if I get good enough to play, playing solo always scared the shit out of me, even when I was in top form, so there's that to deal with later on.
I'm excited though- I hope I can do it.
I haven't practiced regularly in 8 years.
This is something I feel both reallyreally bad about and reallyreally sad about.
I played the violin from the age of 4 until Iw as 18. I was relatively serious about it- I always knew I would never be a concert violinist or pursue a professional career, but I played in various youth and school orchestras. I actually chose my music and arts high school specifically for the chance to play in an awardwinning orchestra with a phenomenal conductor. I did play with that orchestra and it afforded me incredible opportunities- we won music festivals, got invited to Japan and went, played peace concerts, a concert in the Seattle Symphony Hall- it was just incredible.
Then I went to college and was overwhelmed academically. I was trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do, and I was dealing with a lot of emotional issues as well. I stopped playing.
I have since carted my violin with me everywhere I have lived, pick it up ac ouple fo times a year and try to play, then get so angry at myself and depressed about being bad and out of practice that I give up. A very unattractive personality trait that I have is perfectionism- if I can't do it right the first time I get very upset. Ironically, as a child the violin was one of the things that forced me to deal with that and try to change it, but these days it just winds up discouraging me.
Every time I see a movie with an orchestra in it I get sad- to the point of crying. It was a huge part of my life and I gave it up and I knew while doing it that it would always be hard to go back and I did it anyway. I can't believe I was so stupid even at 18.
Anyway, having Amalia ask me to play for her wedding is both flattering (that she trusts that I can get back enough of my skills to be able to play something, even something basic), and scary. It means I have to confront the fact that my skills are not nearly where they were 8 years ago, and I have to suck it up and just stink for a little bit while I get some of that back. I'm glad to have a goal for motivation and scared that I will fail. Plus which even if I get good enough to play, playing solo always scared the shit out of me, even when I was in top form, so there's that to deal with later on.
I'm excited though- I hope I can do it.