(no subject)
As the year closes, I feel that I should visit my journal for a bit. I realize I haven't written in over 3 months. I wrote more before because I was alone more. I was alone in my apartment, late at night, with my thoughts. Now a days I'm never alone and I am barely in my apartment. The play takes up A LOT of time. Relationships take up a lot of time. And when I am alone, I am very tired and want to either sleep or read or something. So, I apologize for the large absence and gap in writing.
It's been a little over a year since I started this journal and I try to write a few times a month, although lately I've been lacks, as mentioned above. My life, a year later, is completely different. I hardly recognize it. I'm still struggling, as we always will in life, but there is an underlying contentment and happiness that has never been there before.
Fat Pig is going really well. We extended the play through November and December, and now through February. November, however, was really hard. We had 5 shows a week (2 on Saturdays) and it wore on me. I felt my grip on the show slipping and it became tedious. I tried so hard every night and I felt so awful about every performance. Most nights ended in tears, and not my character's tears. These issues began to affect my cast mate and we had some problems. Every night I was terrified to do the show because of these problems, but we worked it out and I found a way to re-engage in the story and in my character. Luckily, these issues did not seem to affect the effect of the play on the audience.
Friends and family are flying out from all over the country to see me and that kind of support touches me deeply. If you are in Chicago in the next couple of months, I'd love for you to come see it. I am proud of the work we've been doing. December was much better than November and I expect that to continue through the New Year. No performance feels perfect or air tight or exactly what I want it to be, so the kind of attention and recognition I've received amazes me. I sort of feel like I'm fooling people. I'm really not very good...shhh..just don't tell anyone. I like that they think I am. Later this weekend I'll post some of the comments here.
Christmas came and went in a whirlwind. Whitney came down to Florida for a few days to meet the family and we had a wonderful time. After Whitney left, the family dynamics kicked in and it wasn't as enjoyable. My sister and I spoke about how hard this year has been for her and how I expect too much from her. I think the problem is not that I expect too much, rather it is that I expect different things from her that she is able to give me (which is a different problem all together). It's all about communication and perspective, but I write more on that when I have some time to digest it all. My mother is having a very difficult time dealing with some other members of my family and it's wearing on my siblings and me. And my mother and sister are going through a rough phase and I sometimes unwillingly get caught up in it. So many hearts were heavy this Christmas and leaving Florida was a relief, albeit a bittersweet relief.
We start the play again next week for another 2 month run and my life will go back to being too busy for me to handle. But this weekend I'll catch up with some friends, maybe clean my apartment, and spend some soulful time with Whitney, who generally makes me feel better about life. I hope I have more energy and inspiration to write more in the New Year. 2006 was an amazing year that seemed to changed everything and yet some remain eerily the same. I do, however feel my life is headed in a new direction. Can't wait to see what 2007 has in store for me.
It's been a little over a year since I started this journal and I try to write a few times a month, although lately I've been lacks, as mentioned above. My life, a year later, is completely different. I hardly recognize it. I'm still struggling, as we always will in life, but there is an underlying contentment and happiness that has never been there before.
Fat Pig is going really well. We extended the play through November and December, and now through February. November, however, was really hard. We had 5 shows a week (2 on Saturdays) and it wore on me. I felt my grip on the show slipping and it became tedious. I tried so hard every night and I felt so awful about every performance. Most nights ended in tears, and not my character's tears. These issues began to affect my cast mate and we had some problems. Every night I was terrified to do the show because of these problems, but we worked it out and I found a way to re-engage in the story and in my character. Luckily, these issues did not seem to affect the effect of the play on the audience.
Friends and family are flying out from all over the country to see me and that kind of support touches me deeply. If you are in Chicago in the next couple of months, I'd love for you to come see it. I am proud of the work we've been doing. December was much better than November and I expect that to continue through the New Year. No performance feels perfect or air tight or exactly what I want it to be, so the kind of attention and recognition I've received amazes me. I sort of feel like I'm fooling people. I'm really not very good...shhh..just don't tell anyone. I like that they think I am. Later this weekend I'll post some of the comments here.
Christmas came and went in a whirlwind. Whitney came down to Florida for a few days to meet the family and we had a wonderful time. After Whitney left, the family dynamics kicked in and it wasn't as enjoyable. My sister and I spoke about how hard this year has been for her and how I expect too much from her. I think the problem is not that I expect too much, rather it is that I expect different things from her that she is able to give me (which is a different problem all together). It's all about communication and perspective, but I write more on that when I have some time to digest it all. My mother is having a very difficult time dealing with some other members of my family and it's wearing on my siblings and me. And my mother and sister are going through a rough phase and I sometimes unwillingly get caught up in it. So many hearts were heavy this Christmas and leaving Florida was a relief, albeit a bittersweet relief.
We start the play again next week for another 2 month run and my life will go back to being too busy for me to handle. But this weekend I'll catch up with some friends, maybe clean my apartment, and spend some soulful time with Whitney, who generally makes me feel better about life. I hope I have more energy and inspiration to write more in the New Year. 2006 was an amazing year that seemed to changed everything and yet some remain eerily the same. I do, however feel my life is headed in a new direction. Can't wait to see what 2007 has in store for me.