Yeah, I know. I haven't written in a while...a long while. July was exhausting, fabulous, and fucking hot. August has been exhausting, frustrating, liberating, and hot. Tonight, I have more updates, really, than a lot of firey opinions to hash out over my keyboard...
Change. Change is what I want to talk about tonight. The structure of my life has changed dramatically over the last two months. Are they permanent changes? That depends on what I do with the opportunities that I've been give, I suppose. Sometimes you are allowed to look at the changes in your life and assess them one at a time. Sometimes you aren't.
I met a boy and fell in love. Yeah, I said it...I love him. And here is the weird thing...he loves me too. I don't understand it. I thought this stuff only happened to other people. To go from always being disappointed to always being blissfully impressed...that is a pretty big change. To go from only worrying about what I am going to do with this or that to worrying about what we are going to do. ..Well, I don't know how I feel about that, but I think I like it. I have high hopes for this one. We are a perfect fit.
I'm in
a play. Yes, I got the part for the play I wrote about last entry (a billion years ago, sorry). I couldn't have done it without Whitney. He went over my sides with me the night before and that gave me the confidence to relax and do my best. Auditions are not my strong suit, which obviously is a problem. I feel the importance of this production every day. After two years of either not being involved in theatre or being involved in bad theatre, I finally feel that I am doing something challenging and significant.
I quit my job. Yes. I am saying goodbye to Collectalot. I had to. It was time. They are moving to Wheeling, Illinois and it's too far away for me to commute. I've been looking for a job, but I've been looking for the right job and I haven't found it yet. I had an interview for what felt like the
right job, but it didn't work out. Unfortunately, it has come to the point where I simply need a job. Period. Sitting at lunch with Mom and Phil and talking about Collectalot made me realize that I just had to make the decision. So the next day, I gave FNB my notice.
I don't know how to process all this change. No more single-status? No more pretending to be an actress? No more Azkaban? I have so much to say about all this and no energy to say it. I feel all.....well...everything! Excited, scared, overwhelmed, happy, loved, whole...everything. It's quite exhausting. I feel like I've been dormant for years and all of a sudden things are beginning to bloom. I've been given something, a chance, and now it is my responsibility to not let this die again. Cross your fingers. I've never been good at the follow through. In the mean time...I need some sleep!