What Makes You Think I’m Enjoying Being Led to the Flood? [6/12]
Title: What Makes You Think I’m Enjoying Being Led to the Flood?
Author: xxjulzcxx/braving_it
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: R
Warnings: Character death, violence, mentions of child abuse and self harm/suicide.
Disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t sue. Title and chapter headings belong to ‘The National’.
Summary: Modern day, human AU. Sebastian Shaw has devoted his life to creating the ideal monster, hidden within the mind, trying desperately to claw its way out. Erik Lehnsherr seems the perfect candidate and excels beyond Shaw’s expectations. Everything was going extraordinarily well, until the unexpected arrival of Charles Xavier.
Author’s Note: Work + writers block = hell. However, we are now halfway through!
Chapter Six: You’ll Never Believe the Shitty Thoughts I Think
Charles was awoken by a gut wrenching scream that came from Erik’s bedroom. His heart was pounding and his hands were shaking violently as he fell out of his bed, tangling the sheets around his legs. The mindless screaming had ceased but Charles could hear Erik sobbing and talking to himself. This was the first time in the months that they had been together that Charles was considering going into Erik’s room and waking him up from his slumber. They had some sort of unspoken agreement that Charles would ignore Erik’s sleeping problems and never bring it up.
As Charles sat on his bedroom floor, kicking his legs out of his sheets he listened closely to Erik’s whimpering. The other man was still crying out but it was softer and somehow made Charles’ heart ache for Erik’s obvious pain. He brought his legs up and wrapped his arms around them and rested his head on his knees. It was still dark outside and the sun wasn’t due to rise for a few more hours. Charles never usually woke up so suddenly due to Erik’s nightmares but there were some nights when he was so concerned about his friend that he lost a few hours of rest. He remained sitting for a few minutes, not quite sure how was going to be able to fall back asleep, when Erik, who had not ceased weeping, starting calling out his name.
“Charles? Charles please, help me!”
Charles was immediately on his feet, shoving the sheet back onto his bed and striding to his bedroom door frantically. He hesitated outside of Erik’s room, no longer able to hear his name among the crazed ramblings. His hand rested on the door handle as he stood still, straining his ears. He didn’t want to break the rule that they had but he didn’t want to ignore Erik’s pain as if it meant nothing to him. He didn’t even know if Erik had been calling his name in his sleep or if he had been awake and needed him there. Charles took a deep breath and turned the door handle.
Erik’s room was dark and Charles blinked rapidly, his eyes soaking in the sheer blackness. The blinds were pulled so close together that no trace of moon or street light was able to creep into the room. The idea of turning the lights on didn’t seem wise so Charles leaned back outsides Erik’s door and reached for the light switch that was linked to the lights in the main living area. The brightness filled Erik’s bedroom with a dull glow and Charles was able to see the state that Erik was in.
The sheets on Erik’s bed had fallen down onto the floor, piled in a heap. Erik’s chest was bare but he was wearing loose fitting pyjama bottoms. In the dim light Charles could see that Erik was sweating profusely and stirring fitfully. Charles walked up to the bed carefully, observing Erik in silence. The other man’s face was pinched in pain and shifting from side to side, buried in the pillow beneath his head. Charles was too scared to touch Erik, not wanting to startle him from what appeared to be a terrifying nightmare. Erik was making senseless noises and was breathing heavily. Charles stretched out his hand and held it over Erik’s heart, wanting to comfort the man with every fibre of his being but not having the courage to bring his hand down to meet his flesh.
Erik’s frantic movements stilled, his face relaxing for the first time since Charles entered the room. Charles’ fingers twitched as they hovered over Erik’s chest and he watched his face fondly, hoping that the worst was over. Erik’s brow furrowed for a moment but he seemed to be at peace. Without noticing, Charles had lowered his hand and was now touching Erik. He jerked when he felt the warm flesh of Erik’s chest but didn’t move away. He let his hand rise and fall with Erik’s breathing, that had evened out and become deep and soothing. Though Charles knew that if stayed in the room for too long he would eventually wake Erik up and have to face the consequences, he couldn’t bring himself to leave.
Erik’s torso was well defined, with taught muscles that bore the signs of a vigorous workout regime that Charles was adamant that Erik had once complied to. However, the skin was marred with an abundance of scars and Charles felt a chill run up his spine. He could make out the line of scar tissue from the surgery a few months before but there were many more that were raised and starkly white against the already pale skin. Most were small, with straight and clear edges while others were large and jagged, as if the skin had been ripped with bare hands. Charles moved his fingers down from Erik’s chest to a scar that ran the length of his stomach and disappeared past the waistband of his pants. The scar was wide and rippled across the skin and Charles traced it with his fingertips. Whatever had happened to Erik for him to receive such a scar must have been more painful than anything Charles had ever experienced in his life.
Charles was so enthralled by Erik’s imperfections that he didn’t notice the other man’s chest almost come to a complete halt as Erik’s eyes flickered open. Erik’s hand caught Charles’ wrist so suddenly that Charles actually jumped and cursed aloud. The realisation of what he had been doing hit him and he spluttered, trying to convey his apologies to Erik, who was staring at Charles impassively and holding his wrist quite tight.
“Erik, I’m so sorry. It’s just... well, you were calling out in your sleep and I heard my name... fuck, Erik I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” Charles couldn’t believe how pathetic he sounded and Erik appeared to be unimpressed by the excuses that poured out of Charles’ mouth.
“I’m sorry Erik, it won’t happen again,” said Charles as Erik remained silent. Charles gently pulled his wrist out of Erik’s grasp and swallowed loudly, backing away from the bed. Erik opened his mouth but closed it quickly, choosing not to comment. Charles left the room as fast as he could and closed the door softly behind him before he stumbled onto a chair in the kitchen and sat down heavily.
His heart was beating hard and he could hear the blood rushing through his ears as he scolded himself for being so damn reckless. Erik rarely touched him and after the incident where Charles had been foolish enough to kiss his hand, Erik had been fairly standoffish. Charles knew that his feelings for Erik were unrequited and completely idiotic but he just couldn’t seem to square them away. Erik was unpredictable but there was one thing about him that Charles had seen in the past months and that was that Erik did not like being close to people. Sudden movement made Erik flinch and his unwillingness to leave the apartment made Charles believe that crowds did nothing to help Erik’s already unhinged personality.
His hands were shaking as the adrenaline of being caught by Erik thrummed throughout his body and dissipated with the absence of threat. Charles glanced down at his hands and watched them tremble, much like Erik’s did and tried to hide from Charles but he always saw. Charles turned his hands over and stared at his palm, frowning at what he saw on his right hand, the one that Erik had been holding. Smudged over his wrist and partly on his palm was the unmistakable crimson of blood that formed the shape of what had been Erik’s hand. Charles’ heart stuttered as he stared down at his hands in disbelief. He wasn’t bleeding, so he knew it had to be Erik’s blood, though where it had come from he didn’t understand. Erik had been fine just hours before, when they had been watching television. The supposed injury must have happened after they both went to bed.
Charles’ humiliation quickly turned into concern and though he knew it was a bad idea he found himself at Erik’s bedroom door, opening it tentatively. Erik was sitting upright in his bed, the sheets pulled up from the floor and piled around him. His head snapped up the moment Charles entered the room and he shrank into himself. Charles could see the sheets were stained with what must have been more blood and he stepped closer to Erik, his heart now thumping with worry.
“Charles, don’t,” croaked Erik as he pulled the white fabric closer to himself. He had bunched some of it up and was pressing it against his wrist. His face was contorted into an expression that Charles could only explain as anguish. Erik was taking in deep shuddering breaths and seemed desperate to hide the fact that he had cut himself. He was curled into himself in shame and had his wrist cradled against his chest.
“Erik, what have you done to yourself?” asked Charles, walking closer to the bed. Erik pressed himself up against the headboard and shrugged his shoulders. Charles sat on the edge of the bed, an arm’s length away from Erik’s small form. He understood the need to be gentle with Erik, knowing that the man didn’t like pity. Erik had never looked so fragile before, not even in the hospital hooked up to all the machines.
“I don’t know,” confessed Erik weakly, dropping his arm into his lap. Charles could see two grooves etched into the skin. They were deep but also superficial enough not to warrant stitches. “I could never understand why they would do it to themselves,” continued Erik and Charles frowned but didn’t speak. Sometimes Erik spoke of unknown people and Charles guessed that they were old acquaintances of his.
“When I’m asleep I remember what that I’ve done. I can’t handle that sort of guilt. Why should I live when they’ve all died? They were strong enough to fight him, they could see how wrong it all was.” Charles was speechless, aware that Erik was probably saying things that he didn’t want Charles to know. Erik’s eyes were distant and unseeing, his wrist trickling blood onto the bed.
Charles reached out and touched Erik’s fingers with his own, ignoring the blood. Erik jerked and shook himself out of his reverie, staring at Charles with wide eyes. Charles bit his lip but still remained silent, not wanting to scare Erik off.
“Charles, I don’t want to be like this anymore. I’ve lost half of my life but then you came around and suddenly I know that I don’t have to live like that anymore. I’m free.” Erik tightened his fingers around Charles’ and gave a small laugh, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t deserve you but I’d like to think that I’ll eventually be good enough.”
Charles moved to kneel in front of Erik and took his hand in both of his. He ducked his head to force Erik to look him in the eyes and said, “Erik, you’re more than good enough already but you have to help me. You’re stuck and I don’t want to see you wither away like you are. You haven’t seen the sun in months.”
“You want me to go outside?” asked Erik and Charles nodded hesitantly. Erik’s eyes flicked from side to side as he panicked and Charles gave his hand a quick squeeze to calm him down. “I don’t know Charles. They're everywhere, I don’t want to risk it.”
Charles had heard enough of Erik’s verbal slip-ups to know that someone must be looking for him; hunting him down like a dog. Charles ignored most of the comments, not knowing if he wanted to deal with something so dangerous but it seemed that even Erik didn’t want to face it. Erik was strong and could take care of himself in a violent situation, that much was obvious but he was also on shaky ground. Charles wanted to make the ground beneath Erik’s feet was stable and safe.
“Erik, you’re going to have to go outside one day. You’re going to have to risk it and I promise you it’ll be worth it.”
Erik sighed and nodded, smiling at Charles. “I believe you. I think I’m ready but you have to do something for me.”
Charles narrowed his eyes for a moment before shrugging and said, “Sure, what is it?”
“Make up with Raven,” said Erik firmly. “I don’t like the fact that I’ve come between you two. If she doesn’t want to listen to you, make her.”
“Oh dear God,” laughed Charles. “Why do I have a feeling it’s not going to be that simple?”
“You can do anything Charles,” said Erik sincerely. “Anything you put your mind to.”
Charles smiled widely as his heart skipped a beat and filled with warmth. He was completely screwed.
**
Charles knocked loudly on Moira’s front door, tapping his foot as he waiting for someone to open it. He had expected Moira to be the face that he was greeted with when the door swung open but instead was met with the wide eyes of Raven, who took a step back in surprise when she realised who he was. Charles had decided to stop the useless attempts at getting her to talk over the phone but had planned on seeing her in person with a little more subtlety. Turning up at Moira’s door felt like he was ambushing her.
“Charles, I didn’t expect you to come here,” said Raven softly and Charles raised his eyebrows and huffed in indignation, causing Raven to splutter. “No, that’s not what I meant. I just thought you wouldn’t want to see me after how much of a bitch I’ve been over the past few months.”
Charles was definitely not expecting Raven to have had some clarity regarding her outrageous and undignified behaviour. With every effort Raven made to evade him and the situation that they had been placed in regarding Erik, Charles had been steadily growing more and more angry with her until he had stopped trying altogether. However, with what had happened with Erik the night before, Charles needed support and the only person he could rely on was Raven, though she hadn’t been the best sister over the last few months.
“Raven, I’m sick of this and I’m sure you feel the same way,” confessed Charles. “And I know that I shouldn’t just roll over and let you walk all over me like you usually do but I guess some things never change.” Raven had the audacity to scoff at the comment but she squirmed uncomfortably and Charles knew that she agreed with what he said.
Raven inhaled deeply and took Charles’ hand, squeezing it between her own. Her eyes were glazed over and this time Charles knew it was because she was about to cry. “Charles, I’m so sorry. The boys came over yesterday and they told me about Erik. You trust him and if you can forgive him after what he did then so can I but can you forgive me?”
“Can I come in?” asked Charles and Raven looked hurt at the evasive question but nodded and stepped out of the way. They both walked into the lounge room and sat on the couch. The strain between them was showing; Raven usually leaned all over Charles but now they were both sitting stiffly apart.
“I know you’re scared of him Raven,” pointed out Charles and she bit her lip, unable to deny the comment. “And you have every reason to be but you shouldn’t have treated me the way you did. It was my decision to let him back into my life and you should have respected that.” Charles waited for Raven to defend herself but she remained silent, staring at her hands which were folded in her lap.
“I don’t know what to do,” whispered Charles and Raven looked at him when she heard how distressed he sounded. Charles’ eyes were wet and he was breathing harshly. His feelings for Erik were so profound and he was acutely aware of how much his heart ached. It was a constant throbbing in his chest that never truly went away.
“I’m afraid of him too,” admitted Charles and Raven pouted, looking deeply concerned for her brother. “But I’m more afraid of how I feel,” continued Charles. “I’ve tried not to but my head is all over the place and I don’t have control over my thoughts anymore. I’ve done some things in the past few months that I’ve never done in my entire life”
“Charles, are you telling me that you’re in love with Erik?” asked Raven, incredulously. Charles buried his head in his hands and his shoulders shook with hushed sobs. Raven placed her hand on his shoulder comfortingly and waited until Charles sat up straight and wiped his face roughly with the back of his hand. His eyes were red but he adjusted his posture and smoothed down his shirt as if nothing was wrong.
“I have to go Raven,” managed Charles. He cleared his throat and stood up, causing Raven’s hand to fall from his shoulder and onto the couch. Charles began walking back to the front door, leaving Raven sitting down in shock. “I need to get back to Erik and make sure he hasn’t done anything stupid,” he called over his shoulder. “We’re supposed to go for a walk in an hour.”
“Wait!” cried out Raven as Charles wrapped is hand around the door handle. She stood up and took a few steps towards him. “Please say that you forgive me?”
Charles gave her a crooked smile and said, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
As Charles exited the house he heard Raven laugh in relief. He continued to smile as he set off towards his apartment. Though he still bitter towards Raven for what she had done, he had promised Erik that he would patch things up with her. It was going to take a little more than just a quick talk to fix all the wounds between them but it was definitely a start. Everything in his life was becoming more complicated than he was ready for and Raven was the only constant he could count on. He needed her to be there for him and if that meant getting over her prior behaviour then so be it.
**
Azazel was seconds away from falling asleep at the wheel and killing both him and Janos. Shaw still hadn’t called off the search for Erik and was becoming so agitated that Azazel genuinely feared for his safety. If he was being honest, the hours he spent away from the mansion searching for Erik were welcome and Janos heartily agreed. Shaw didn’t want to lose Erik and Azazel knew that he saw Erik as a threat to everything that he had worked for. If Erik suddenly loosened himself from Shaw’s grip then there was no telling what would happen. Shaw was utterly terrified of that happening and made sure that Erik was being looked for with every available moment.
Azazel’s drooping eyes snapped open as Janos pinched him hard in the arm as he lounged back in the passenger seat and scanned the area. Erik had obviously found somewhere that was well hidden and out of the way of prying eyes. The months of searching should have come up with something usable but both of them had come up empty handed after every patrol. Janos was barely taking in what he was looking at, having seen the area a million times before. He wished that Shaw would just face it and admit that Erik was gone for good, like Logan, who they definitely had not looked for (though Janos and Azazel had both been in hospital for quite a while after Logan escaped).
Four hours into their search, Azazel decided to call it a day and turned around to head back to the mansion. They took the route that passed by the alley they had found Erik in all those months ago, hoping that he showed up there once again. They usually had no luck and were both half-heartedly peering out the windows when they saw him. Janos swore loudly and sat up straight as Azazel stopped the van so suddenly that he winded himself against the steering wheel. Fortunately for them Erik hadn’t seen them or heard the screech of the brakes. He was talking to another man, who was standing at his side and smiling back at Erik fondly. Azazel couldn’t believe his eyes; he had taught Erik how to be a killer and knew how he was with company and yet the man he was watching showed little signs of a psychopath. Erik did look slightly uncomfortable and whenever someone walked passed him he would shrink back into himself and pull his jacket closer around his chest. The man he was with placed his hand on Erik’s arm and Erik smiled as he loosened his grip on his jacket.
Azazel and Janos sat low in the van as they watched the pair talk. Erik kept smoothing his thumb over his right wrist, flinching ever now and then and while the other man’s mouth was upturned, he seemed to be in a perpetual state of concern. Azazel had never seen Erik so relaxed, for lack of a better word. He had transformed into something completely different over the course of the last few months and Azazel couldn’t help but wonder if Erik would have turned out like that if Shaw hadn’t been interested in him.
The man Erik was with shifted to stand in front of him and Erik’s eyes changed direction to stare at him. The change in position put the van in Erik’s direct line of sight. Janos suddenly tapped Azazel’s arm and both of them froze as Erik’s eyes widened and he reached out to grab the man he was with. Erik was staring at the van in horror and the other man glanced over his shoulder to see what Erik was so terrified of. Azazel and Janos tumbled out of the van the second that Erik decided to sprint off in the other direction. They ignored the friend, who spluttered in confusion and watched as Erik skidded into an alleyway, followed closely by his pursuers. Azazel may have been fit but he was getting older and he hadn’t run so fast in years. Janos was ahead of him and kept his eyes on Erik’s form, which was weaving in and out of parked vehicles and dumpsters with ease. Sometimes Azazel cursed how well he trained Erik.
Erik was faster than both of them and Janos lost sight of him more than once and eventually had to slow to a halt and pivot around, trying to find where Erik had run off to. They were in a vastly complex maze of alleyways and everything looked the same in every direction. Azazel caught up to a wheezing Janos and cried out in frustration. They had been so close and now they were back at the beginning.
“We can’t tell Shaw about this,” puffed Azazel and Janos nodded in agreement. Both of them were doubled over with their hands on their knees, trying to find their breath again. “If he finds out that we lost Erik we’ll both end up in a ditch.”
“Ah, but at least we have some valuable information,” pointed out Janos as he straightened up and waved a finger at Azazel. “We know who his accomplice is and we can use that to our advantage. We can find that man and pry Erik’s precise whereabouts from him.” Azazel grinned maniacally and clapped Janos on the shoulder.
“C’mon, let’s get back to the van,” said Azazel. “We need to inform Emma of the situation. Maybe she can help us.”
**
“Why does everyone assume that I give a shit about their failures?”
Emma had her arms crossed and was perched on her desk, next to an ever growing pile of paperwork. Azazel and Janos were both standing in front of her, while Angel lingered in the corner, sitting quietly in a chair. Emma was teetering on the edge and was mere seconds away from falling right off it. With the Erik debacle and Shaw going steadily insane without his favourite toy thing, Emma was the only one doing the heavy lifting. The last thing she needed was for more news about how Erik had once again escaped. While she had consciously decided to let Erik go free, she knew that things would be a million times better if he was still around and that fact made her resent him more than ever.
“We didn’t fail,” sighed Azazel and Emma gave quite an unfeminine snort. “We just didn’t succeed but we’ve made progress!” Janos made a noise of contentment and nudged Azazel with his elbow. Emma buried her head in her hands theatrically as Angel smirked from her seat.
“You fucked up,” scolded Emma and she took her head out of her hands to point at both of them. “You had Erik in your hands and you both let him get away and now you think you can find some stranger that you happened to see him with. What the hell are you two thinking?”
“Look, I know this plan is hardly foolproof,” stated Azazel and Angel chuckled, “But we have to at least give it a try. A well planned stake out is all that’s needed to find this guy and then it’s simple.”
“What’s simple?”
The four associates in the room all jumped and cried out in alarm as they noticed Shaw standing at the door, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Emma slid off her desk and stood straight, brushing herself down and trying to make herself presentable. Angel even rose from her chair and took a few steps towards the main group. Azazel and Janos glanced at each other and realised that they were stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“Azazel and Janos found and lost Erik in less than thirty minutes today,” provided Emma nonchalantly and Azazel had to clench his jaw to stop himself from screaming at her. “However they have identified a man who seems to be friends with Erik and were planning on extracting some information from him.”
Shaw pursed his lips and sighed loudly as he watched them silently. Emma knew he was trying to make them uncomfortable but it had stopped working on her years before. Angel was feeling the effects though, because she was fidgeting with a piece of paper she had somehow acquired and was making tiny rips in it. Janos even tried to hide behind Azazel larger frame without making it look obvious.
“I think it’s a wonderful idea,” said Shaw suddenly and they all breathed sighs of relief. Angel even sat back in her chair with a huff as Shaw continued. “But know this, second chances are few and far between and I do not take failure lightly. If you do not succeed after extracting the required information I will have to deliver some much needed punishment. Is that clear?” All four of them nodded wildly in agreement.
“Right,” said Shaw cheerfully as he clapped his hands together and turned to leave. “I look forward to seeing this all work out.”
Emma stared at the now empty doorway with an ugly expression of confusion, not quite knowing how to take how optimistic Shaw had just been. He had been sulking for weeks and had been going over his notes from Erik’s early years. He was adamant that they retrieve Erik but he also was realistic enough to know that they may have to reprogram him after such a long period away. Emma wasn’t sure if Shaw would able to coerce Erik back into his old state of mind.
Azazel turned to Emma with an impressed look and said, “Well, I guess that’s settled.”
“Don’t fuck this up,” hissed Emma, “Or it’ll be the last thing you ever do and I swear to God if your fuck up gets me killed I will destroy you in the afterlife.”
**
Erik practically fell into the apartment when Charles opened the door. Charles deftly caught him and helped him upright, letting Erik lean heavily against his shoulder. Erik was panting loudly and had sweat trickling down his face. His entire body was shaking with the effects of adrenaline and he relied on Charles to steer him to a chair so he could sit. Once Erik was seated Charles rushed to get him a glass of water, remaining silent. Erik was in shock and horrified for thinking that it was safe to go outside. He should have known that Azazel and Janos were still searching for him under Shaw’s orders. Shaw would not quit until he had Erik back in his control or dead.
Charles placed the glass of water on the table in front of Erik and sat down on the chair next to him. As Erik took sloppy sips from the cup he was acutely aware of how close Charles had been to danger. They had seen Erik talking to Charles and that was enough for Azazel to implicate Charles as an accessory in Erik’s newfound freedom. The silence from Charles was unnerving. Erik stopped drinking and wracked his mind for some sort of excuse but found none.
“Charles, I don’t really know how to explain this all to you,” began Erik, deciding that some sort of honesty was needed; perhaps not all of the truth but a portion of it. “I know it’s been a rough week and I’m to blame. You know I have a past that haunts me and it was only a matter of time before it caught up with me.”
Erik hung his head, unable to continue with his attempted explanation. Charles, who had still not said a word, placed his hand on top of Erik’s which was resting on the table. Erik’s raised his head as Charles squeezed his hand and nodded slightly, indicating that he understood that Erik couldn’t exactly tell him everything. Erik was terrified of Charles being in the firing line but he also didn’t fully comprehend what was going through his mind. He had never felt this way about another human being in his life that he could remember. Charles’ safety and wellbeing was the only thing that he could think of and he would gladly give himself up if it meant that Charles was out of harm’s way. However, there was a part of him that didn’t want to leave Charles; a part that was selfish and wanted Charles to himself no matter the cost.
“Erik,” said Charles suddenly and Erik tore his gaze away from their hands to look Charles in the eyes. He lost himself in that electric blue stare as Charles continued. “Is there a way out for you? Some sort of truce, a way for peace? Surely there is something.” Charles seemed desperate for Erik to be able to leave his past behind and forget about it but it was never that simple.
Erik shook his head and turned his hand around to meet Charles’ palm with his own. “No Charles, I’m sorry. Peace was never an option.” Erik knew that the only way out of Shaw’s hold on him was to meet it head on with force. He had been working up the courage to confront Shaw for weeks now but just couldn’t bring himself to do it. The more time he spent with Charles the less he wanted to ruin everything.
Charles took his hand away from Erik’s and rose from his seat. Erik thought he was going to walk off but was proven wrong, as Charles stooped down low and cupped Erik’s face with both of his hands. Erik craned his neck to get a better look at Charles who was inches away from his face. His eyes were glazed over and bloodshot and his hands were trembling against Erik’s face. Erik’s breath hitched as Charles closed the gap between them and leaned their foreheads together. They both stayed like that for what seemed like hours. The rush of Charles’ breath was warm on Erik’s face and he raised his arms to grip Charles’ hips, gripping the fabric of his shirt between his fingers.
“There has to be a way Erik, there just has to be,” breathed Charles and Erik inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a moment, wishing that there was a way out of his life; out of everything. “I want this to end,” whispered Charles.
“I do too,” said Erik firmly as he stood up, only breaking their contact for a second before pulling Charles closer to him. “I need this to end.” Charles inhaled sharply and moved his hands down to Erik’s neck, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into the skin.
Suddenly, Charles froze his movements and jerked away from Erik, who frowned in confusion. Charles was running his fingers through his hair and shaking his head. He reached down and pulled Erik’s hands away from his shirt and took a step back.
“I need some air,” said Charles and Erik just stood still, not knowing what he had done to upset Charles. He didn’t want to move in case he did something wrong.
Charles flailed for a moment, almost reaching out for Erik a few times before he clenched his fists and stifled a scream. Without another word he stalked over to the front door and wrenched it open and walked out of the apartment, letting it slam behind him. Erik raised his hand to his face and touched it hesitantly. It was still warm from Charles' caress.
**
Azazel couldn’t actually believe his luck. He and Janos had been waiting in the van, parked on a random street near the one that they had found Erik earlier during the day and out of the blue the man they were not expecting to see so soon just appeared. He was meandering around, kicking at the pavement with a scowl. Azazel could clearly see that he was not in a good mood but it was the perfect opportunity and one that they may never find again. The street was deserted and the man was coming closer and closer to the van. Janos was crouching down in the back, waiting beside the door. As the man passed the van, Janos slide the door open and lunged outside, grabbing a handful of the stranger’s shirt and pulling him inside. The man cried out loud as he crashed into the cold metal floor. As quickly as he could, Azazel climbed over the seats and loomed over the man, bunching up the front of his shirt in his hands.
“What’s your name boy?” Azazel asked and he raised his fist in front of the man’s face. The man whimpered and tried to cover his face with his arms. Janos leaned back on his heels and watched silently, knowing not to interrupt Azazel. They were hoping for a quick job; in and out in seconds with minimal damage.
“Charles, Charles Xavier.”
Janos tapped the name into his phone and sent a message to Emma. They needed his full name in case of some unforeseen emergency regarding Erik. Charles was trying to free himself from Azazel’s grip but it was no use. Azazel was twice his size and didn’t budge as Charles’ arms came flying towards his face.
“I remember you two!” exclaimed Charles suddenly and Azazel's grip on his shirt loosened slightly. The idea of hiding their identities hadn’t even crossed their minds but of course Charles remembered them; they’d run past him just hours before, chasing Erik.
“Yeah, and if you tell anyone about us you won’t live to see the sunrise,” pointed out Janos, completely blasé. “So if you value your fucking life you’ll keep your mouth shut and listen carefully to the big man.” Janos inclined his head towards Azazel and Charles stared up at him, swallowing loudly.
Azazel didn’t issue a warning before the first punch and Charles cried out in pain as his nose crunched under the pressure. Blood began to trickle from his nostrils and into his mouth and he gurgled.
“Where is Erik?” asked Azazel, his fist poised for another hit.
Charles spat some of the blood out of his mouth and said, “Who? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Azazel chuckled at the guts that the man was showing. Surely he knew that he was going to be punished for lying.
The next blow hit Charles in the cheek and he only emitted a small shout before he bit his lip and stifled it. The punch had been close to the eye socket and a few vessels in Charles’ eye burst, leaving branches of red throughout the white.
“Don’t lie to us,” said Janos. Blood dribbled out of Charles’ mouth as he tried to breathe. Azazel raised his fist again but Janos held up his finger, gesturing for him to wait a moment and continued talking. “Even if Erik gave you an alias we know that you know who were are talking about. You look smart and I’m sure you’ve put two and two together. The man we were after this morning, where is he?”
Charles just shook his head defiantly, refusing to speak. Azazel shrugged and did his best to manoeuvre in the tight space. He dropped Charles onto the van floor and brought his elbow down into his chest. Blood spouted from Charles’ mouth as he screamed through his teeth. Azazel had felt at least one rib break and sighed contently.
“I don’t know where he’s from,” wheezed Charles and the other two men raised their eyebrows and listened intently. “I’ve just spoken to him a few times. I told the woman who was looking for him the same thing. I don’t know where he lives.”
Azazel’s mind felt like it had been thrown into a brick wall and judging by Janos’ face he was feeling the same way. What Charles had just said didn’t make any sense. What woman had he already told about Erik? Who could he possibly be talking about?
“What woman Charles?” asked Janos and Azazel grabbed Charles’ shirt and pulled him up. Charles groaned in pain and stared at Janos, his eye already incredibly swollen.
“She said her name was Emma.”
Janos and Azazel looked at each other in horror and then back down at the beaten man in front of them. It couldn’t have been a coincidence, it was too damn close. Emma had already found Erik and had been hiding his location for God knows how long. Angel was probably aware of Erik’s hide-out as well.
“Fuck, this changes all the plans,” hissed Janos and Azazel dropped Charles once again, ignoring the man’s cries. “Emma knows where Erik is and all we had to do was ask her. That bitch went behind our backs.”
Azazel shushed Janos and nodded towards Charles, who was leaning on his elbows with difficulty and listening into their conversation. Janos inclined his head towards the door and crawled over to it. He opened it a fraction and poked his head outside, looking for any witnesses. The street was still deserted and he gave Azazel a thumb up. Once again, Azazel took Charles by the shirt and dragged him over to the door. Charles was coughing and protested but nothing he did could stop Azazel from rolling him out the door and onto the pavement. Charles landed with a heavy thud and continued to cough but didn’t get up. Janos closed the van door; they had more pressing issues to deal with.
**
Author’s Note: I do not like this chapter... It just feels off to me. Ugh, it’s been such a hectic week at work and I’ve tried so hard to get this written within the week because I hate being late to post so maybe I’m just rushing it too much. Or perhaps I’m too self critical. IDEK anymore
Author: xxjulzcxx/braving_it
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: R
Warnings: Character death, violence, mentions of child abuse and self harm/suicide.
Disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t sue. Title and chapter headings belong to ‘The National’.
Summary: Modern day, human AU. Sebastian Shaw has devoted his life to creating the ideal monster, hidden within the mind, trying desperately to claw its way out. Erik Lehnsherr seems the perfect candidate and excels beyond Shaw’s expectations. Everything was going extraordinarily well, until the unexpected arrival of Charles Xavier.
Author’s Note: Work + writers block = hell. However, we are now halfway through!
Chapter Six: You’ll Never Believe the Shitty Thoughts I Think
Charles was awoken by a gut wrenching scream that came from Erik’s bedroom. His heart was pounding and his hands were shaking violently as he fell out of his bed, tangling the sheets around his legs. The mindless screaming had ceased but Charles could hear Erik sobbing and talking to himself. This was the first time in the months that they had been together that Charles was considering going into Erik’s room and waking him up from his slumber. They had some sort of unspoken agreement that Charles would ignore Erik’s sleeping problems and never bring it up.
As Charles sat on his bedroom floor, kicking his legs out of his sheets he listened closely to Erik’s whimpering. The other man was still crying out but it was softer and somehow made Charles’ heart ache for Erik’s obvious pain. He brought his legs up and wrapped his arms around them and rested his head on his knees. It was still dark outside and the sun wasn’t due to rise for a few more hours. Charles never usually woke up so suddenly due to Erik’s nightmares but there were some nights when he was so concerned about his friend that he lost a few hours of rest. He remained sitting for a few minutes, not quite sure how was going to be able to fall back asleep, when Erik, who had not ceased weeping, starting calling out his name.
“Charles? Charles please, help me!”
Charles was immediately on his feet, shoving the sheet back onto his bed and striding to his bedroom door frantically. He hesitated outside of Erik’s room, no longer able to hear his name among the crazed ramblings. His hand rested on the door handle as he stood still, straining his ears. He didn’t want to break the rule that they had but he didn’t want to ignore Erik’s pain as if it meant nothing to him. He didn’t even know if Erik had been calling his name in his sleep or if he had been awake and needed him there. Charles took a deep breath and turned the door handle.
Erik’s room was dark and Charles blinked rapidly, his eyes soaking in the sheer blackness. The blinds were pulled so close together that no trace of moon or street light was able to creep into the room. The idea of turning the lights on didn’t seem wise so Charles leaned back outsides Erik’s door and reached for the light switch that was linked to the lights in the main living area. The brightness filled Erik’s bedroom with a dull glow and Charles was able to see the state that Erik was in.
The sheets on Erik’s bed had fallen down onto the floor, piled in a heap. Erik’s chest was bare but he was wearing loose fitting pyjama bottoms. In the dim light Charles could see that Erik was sweating profusely and stirring fitfully. Charles walked up to the bed carefully, observing Erik in silence. The other man’s face was pinched in pain and shifting from side to side, buried in the pillow beneath his head. Charles was too scared to touch Erik, not wanting to startle him from what appeared to be a terrifying nightmare. Erik was making senseless noises and was breathing heavily. Charles stretched out his hand and held it over Erik’s heart, wanting to comfort the man with every fibre of his being but not having the courage to bring his hand down to meet his flesh.
Erik’s frantic movements stilled, his face relaxing for the first time since Charles entered the room. Charles’ fingers twitched as they hovered over Erik’s chest and he watched his face fondly, hoping that the worst was over. Erik’s brow furrowed for a moment but he seemed to be at peace. Without noticing, Charles had lowered his hand and was now touching Erik. He jerked when he felt the warm flesh of Erik’s chest but didn’t move away. He let his hand rise and fall with Erik’s breathing, that had evened out and become deep and soothing. Though Charles knew that if stayed in the room for too long he would eventually wake Erik up and have to face the consequences, he couldn’t bring himself to leave.
Erik’s torso was well defined, with taught muscles that bore the signs of a vigorous workout regime that Charles was adamant that Erik had once complied to. However, the skin was marred with an abundance of scars and Charles felt a chill run up his spine. He could make out the line of scar tissue from the surgery a few months before but there were many more that were raised and starkly white against the already pale skin. Most were small, with straight and clear edges while others were large and jagged, as if the skin had been ripped with bare hands. Charles moved his fingers down from Erik’s chest to a scar that ran the length of his stomach and disappeared past the waistband of his pants. The scar was wide and rippled across the skin and Charles traced it with his fingertips. Whatever had happened to Erik for him to receive such a scar must have been more painful than anything Charles had ever experienced in his life.
Charles was so enthralled by Erik’s imperfections that he didn’t notice the other man’s chest almost come to a complete halt as Erik’s eyes flickered open. Erik’s hand caught Charles’ wrist so suddenly that Charles actually jumped and cursed aloud. The realisation of what he had been doing hit him and he spluttered, trying to convey his apologies to Erik, who was staring at Charles impassively and holding his wrist quite tight.
“Erik, I’m so sorry. It’s just... well, you were calling out in your sleep and I heard my name... fuck, Erik I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” Charles couldn’t believe how pathetic he sounded and Erik appeared to be unimpressed by the excuses that poured out of Charles’ mouth.
“I’m sorry Erik, it won’t happen again,” said Charles as Erik remained silent. Charles gently pulled his wrist out of Erik’s grasp and swallowed loudly, backing away from the bed. Erik opened his mouth but closed it quickly, choosing not to comment. Charles left the room as fast as he could and closed the door softly behind him before he stumbled onto a chair in the kitchen and sat down heavily.
His heart was beating hard and he could hear the blood rushing through his ears as he scolded himself for being so damn reckless. Erik rarely touched him and after the incident where Charles had been foolish enough to kiss his hand, Erik had been fairly standoffish. Charles knew that his feelings for Erik were unrequited and completely idiotic but he just couldn’t seem to square them away. Erik was unpredictable but there was one thing about him that Charles had seen in the past months and that was that Erik did not like being close to people. Sudden movement made Erik flinch and his unwillingness to leave the apartment made Charles believe that crowds did nothing to help Erik’s already unhinged personality.
His hands were shaking as the adrenaline of being caught by Erik thrummed throughout his body and dissipated with the absence of threat. Charles glanced down at his hands and watched them tremble, much like Erik’s did and tried to hide from Charles but he always saw. Charles turned his hands over and stared at his palm, frowning at what he saw on his right hand, the one that Erik had been holding. Smudged over his wrist and partly on his palm was the unmistakable crimson of blood that formed the shape of what had been Erik’s hand. Charles’ heart stuttered as he stared down at his hands in disbelief. He wasn’t bleeding, so he knew it had to be Erik’s blood, though where it had come from he didn’t understand. Erik had been fine just hours before, when they had been watching television. The supposed injury must have happened after they both went to bed.
Charles’ humiliation quickly turned into concern and though he knew it was a bad idea he found himself at Erik’s bedroom door, opening it tentatively. Erik was sitting upright in his bed, the sheets pulled up from the floor and piled around him. His head snapped up the moment Charles entered the room and he shrank into himself. Charles could see the sheets were stained with what must have been more blood and he stepped closer to Erik, his heart now thumping with worry.
“Charles, don’t,” croaked Erik as he pulled the white fabric closer to himself. He had bunched some of it up and was pressing it against his wrist. His face was contorted into an expression that Charles could only explain as anguish. Erik was taking in deep shuddering breaths and seemed desperate to hide the fact that he had cut himself. He was curled into himself in shame and had his wrist cradled against his chest.
“Erik, what have you done to yourself?” asked Charles, walking closer to the bed. Erik pressed himself up against the headboard and shrugged his shoulders. Charles sat on the edge of the bed, an arm’s length away from Erik’s small form. He understood the need to be gentle with Erik, knowing that the man didn’t like pity. Erik had never looked so fragile before, not even in the hospital hooked up to all the machines.
“I don’t know,” confessed Erik weakly, dropping his arm into his lap. Charles could see two grooves etched into the skin. They were deep but also superficial enough not to warrant stitches. “I could never understand why they would do it to themselves,” continued Erik and Charles frowned but didn’t speak. Sometimes Erik spoke of unknown people and Charles guessed that they were old acquaintances of his.
“When I’m asleep I remember what that I’ve done. I can’t handle that sort of guilt. Why should I live when they’ve all died? They were strong enough to fight him, they could see how wrong it all was.” Charles was speechless, aware that Erik was probably saying things that he didn’t want Charles to know. Erik’s eyes were distant and unseeing, his wrist trickling blood onto the bed.
Charles reached out and touched Erik’s fingers with his own, ignoring the blood. Erik jerked and shook himself out of his reverie, staring at Charles with wide eyes. Charles bit his lip but still remained silent, not wanting to scare Erik off.
“Charles, I don’t want to be like this anymore. I’ve lost half of my life but then you came around and suddenly I know that I don’t have to live like that anymore. I’m free.” Erik tightened his fingers around Charles’ and gave a small laugh, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t deserve you but I’d like to think that I’ll eventually be good enough.”
Charles moved to kneel in front of Erik and took his hand in both of his. He ducked his head to force Erik to look him in the eyes and said, “Erik, you’re more than good enough already but you have to help me. You’re stuck and I don’t want to see you wither away like you are. You haven’t seen the sun in months.”
“You want me to go outside?” asked Erik and Charles nodded hesitantly. Erik’s eyes flicked from side to side as he panicked and Charles gave his hand a quick squeeze to calm him down. “I don’t know Charles. They're everywhere, I don’t want to risk it.”
Charles had heard enough of Erik’s verbal slip-ups to know that someone must be looking for him; hunting him down like a dog. Charles ignored most of the comments, not knowing if he wanted to deal with something so dangerous but it seemed that even Erik didn’t want to face it. Erik was strong and could take care of himself in a violent situation, that much was obvious but he was also on shaky ground. Charles wanted to make the ground beneath Erik’s feet was stable and safe.
“Erik, you’re going to have to go outside one day. You’re going to have to risk it and I promise you it’ll be worth it.”
Erik sighed and nodded, smiling at Charles. “I believe you. I think I’m ready but you have to do something for me.”
Charles narrowed his eyes for a moment before shrugging and said, “Sure, what is it?”
“Make up with Raven,” said Erik firmly. “I don’t like the fact that I’ve come between you two. If she doesn’t want to listen to you, make her.”
“Oh dear God,” laughed Charles. “Why do I have a feeling it’s not going to be that simple?”
“You can do anything Charles,” said Erik sincerely. “Anything you put your mind to.”
Charles smiled widely as his heart skipped a beat and filled with warmth. He was completely screwed.
**
Charles knocked loudly on Moira’s front door, tapping his foot as he waiting for someone to open it. He had expected Moira to be the face that he was greeted with when the door swung open but instead was met with the wide eyes of Raven, who took a step back in surprise when she realised who he was. Charles had decided to stop the useless attempts at getting her to talk over the phone but had planned on seeing her in person with a little more subtlety. Turning up at Moira’s door felt like he was ambushing her.
“Charles, I didn’t expect you to come here,” said Raven softly and Charles raised his eyebrows and huffed in indignation, causing Raven to splutter. “No, that’s not what I meant. I just thought you wouldn’t want to see me after how much of a bitch I’ve been over the past few months.”
Charles was definitely not expecting Raven to have had some clarity regarding her outrageous and undignified behaviour. With every effort Raven made to evade him and the situation that they had been placed in regarding Erik, Charles had been steadily growing more and more angry with her until he had stopped trying altogether. However, with what had happened with Erik the night before, Charles needed support and the only person he could rely on was Raven, though she hadn’t been the best sister over the last few months.
“Raven, I’m sick of this and I’m sure you feel the same way,” confessed Charles. “And I know that I shouldn’t just roll over and let you walk all over me like you usually do but I guess some things never change.” Raven had the audacity to scoff at the comment but she squirmed uncomfortably and Charles knew that she agreed with what he said.
Raven inhaled deeply and took Charles’ hand, squeezing it between her own. Her eyes were glazed over and this time Charles knew it was because she was about to cry. “Charles, I’m so sorry. The boys came over yesterday and they told me about Erik. You trust him and if you can forgive him after what he did then so can I but can you forgive me?”
“Can I come in?” asked Charles and Raven looked hurt at the evasive question but nodded and stepped out of the way. They both walked into the lounge room and sat on the couch. The strain between them was showing; Raven usually leaned all over Charles but now they were both sitting stiffly apart.
“I know you’re scared of him Raven,” pointed out Charles and she bit her lip, unable to deny the comment. “And you have every reason to be but you shouldn’t have treated me the way you did. It was my decision to let him back into my life and you should have respected that.” Charles waited for Raven to defend herself but she remained silent, staring at her hands which were folded in her lap.
“I don’t know what to do,” whispered Charles and Raven looked at him when she heard how distressed he sounded. Charles’ eyes were wet and he was breathing harshly. His feelings for Erik were so profound and he was acutely aware of how much his heart ached. It was a constant throbbing in his chest that never truly went away.
“I’m afraid of him too,” admitted Charles and Raven pouted, looking deeply concerned for her brother. “But I’m more afraid of how I feel,” continued Charles. “I’ve tried not to but my head is all over the place and I don’t have control over my thoughts anymore. I’ve done some things in the past few months that I’ve never done in my entire life”
“Charles, are you telling me that you’re in love with Erik?” asked Raven, incredulously. Charles buried his head in his hands and his shoulders shook with hushed sobs. Raven placed her hand on his shoulder comfortingly and waited until Charles sat up straight and wiped his face roughly with the back of his hand. His eyes were red but he adjusted his posture and smoothed down his shirt as if nothing was wrong.
“I have to go Raven,” managed Charles. He cleared his throat and stood up, causing Raven’s hand to fall from his shoulder and onto the couch. Charles began walking back to the front door, leaving Raven sitting down in shock. “I need to get back to Erik and make sure he hasn’t done anything stupid,” he called over his shoulder. “We’re supposed to go for a walk in an hour.”
“Wait!” cried out Raven as Charles wrapped is hand around the door handle. She stood up and took a few steps towards him. “Please say that you forgive me?”
Charles gave her a crooked smile and said, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
As Charles exited the house he heard Raven laugh in relief. He continued to smile as he set off towards his apartment. Though he still bitter towards Raven for what she had done, he had promised Erik that he would patch things up with her. It was going to take a little more than just a quick talk to fix all the wounds between them but it was definitely a start. Everything in his life was becoming more complicated than he was ready for and Raven was the only constant he could count on. He needed her to be there for him and if that meant getting over her prior behaviour then so be it.
**
Azazel was seconds away from falling asleep at the wheel and killing both him and Janos. Shaw still hadn’t called off the search for Erik and was becoming so agitated that Azazel genuinely feared for his safety. If he was being honest, the hours he spent away from the mansion searching for Erik were welcome and Janos heartily agreed. Shaw didn’t want to lose Erik and Azazel knew that he saw Erik as a threat to everything that he had worked for. If Erik suddenly loosened himself from Shaw’s grip then there was no telling what would happen. Shaw was utterly terrified of that happening and made sure that Erik was being looked for with every available moment.
Azazel’s drooping eyes snapped open as Janos pinched him hard in the arm as he lounged back in the passenger seat and scanned the area. Erik had obviously found somewhere that was well hidden and out of the way of prying eyes. The months of searching should have come up with something usable but both of them had come up empty handed after every patrol. Janos was barely taking in what he was looking at, having seen the area a million times before. He wished that Shaw would just face it and admit that Erik was gone for good, like Logan, who they definitely had not looked for (though Janos and Azazel had both been in hospital for quite a while after Logan escaped).
Four hours into their search, Azazel decided to call it a day and turned around to head back to the mansion. They took the route that passed by the alley they had found Erik in all those months ago, hoping that he showed up there once again. They usually had no luck and were both half-heartedly peering out the windows when they saw him. Janos swore loudly and sat up straight as Azazel stopped the van so suddenly that he winded himself against the steering wheel. Fortunately for them Erik hadn’t seen them or heard the screech of the brakes. He was talking to another man, who was standing at his side and smiling back at Erik fondly. Azazel couldn’t believe his eyes; he had taught Erik how to be a killer and knew how he was with company and yet the man he was watching showed little signs of a psychopath. Erik did look slightly uncomfortable and whenever someone walked passed him he would shrink back into himself and pull his jacket closer around his chest. The man he was with placed his hand on Erik’s arm and Erik smiled as he loosened his grip on his jacket.
Azazel and Janos sat low in the van as they watched the pair talk. Erik kept smoothing his thumb over his right wrist, flinching ever now and then and while the other man’s mouth was upturned, he seemed to be in a perpetual state of concern. Azazel had never seen Erik so relaxed, for lack of a better word. He had transformed into something completely different over the course of the last few months and Azazel couldn’t help but wonder if Erik would have turned out like that if Shaw hadn’t been interested in him.
The man Erik was with shifted to stand in front of him and Erik’s eyes changed direction to stare at him. The change in position put the van in Erik’s direct line of sight. Janos suddenly tapped Azazel’s arm and both of them froze as Erik’s eyes widened and he reached out to grab the man he was with. Erik was staring at the van in horror and the other man glanced over his shoulder to see what Erik was so terrified of. Azazel and Janos tumbled out of the van the second that Erik decided to sprint off in the other direction. They ignored the friend, who spluttered in confusion and watched as Erik skidded into an alleyway, followed closely by his pursuers. Azazel may have been fit but he was getting older and he hadn’t run so fast in years. Janos was ahead of him and kept his eyes on Erik’s form, which was weaving in and out of parked vehicles and dumpsters with ease. Sometimes Azazel cursed how well he trained Erik.
Erik was faster than both of them and Janos lost sight of him more than once and eventually had to slow to a halt and pivot around, trying to find where Erik had run off to. They were in a vastly complex maze of alleyways and everything looked the same in every direction. Azazel caught up to a wheezing Janos and cried out in frustration. They had been so close and now they were back at the beginning.
“We can’t tell Shaw about this,” puffed Azazel and Janos nodded in agreement. Both of them were doubled over with their hands on their knees, trying to find their breath again. “If he finds out that we lost Erik we’ll both end up in a ditch.”
“Ah, but at least we have some valuable information,” pointed out Janos as he straightened up and waved a finger at Azazel. “We know who his accomplice is and we can use that to our advantage. We can find that man and pry Erik’s precise whereabouts from him.” Azazel grinned maniacally and clapped Janos on the shoulder.
“C’mon, let’s get back to the van,” said Azazel. “We need to inform Emma of the situation. Maybe she can help us.”
**
“Why does everyone assume that I give a shit about their failures?”
Emma had her arms crossed and was perched on her desk, next to an ever growing pile of paperwork. Azazel and Janos were both standing in front of her, while Angel lingered in the corner, sitting quietly in a chair. Emma was teetering on the edge and was mere seconds away from falling right off it. With the Erik debacle and Shaw going steadily insane without his favourite toy thing, Emma was the only one doing the heavy lifting. The last thing she needed was for more news about how Erik had once again escaped. While she had consciously decided to let Erik go free, she knew that things would be a million times better if he was still around and that fact made her resent him more than ever.
“We didn’t fail,” sighed Azazel and Emma gave quite an unfeminine snort. “We just didn’t succeed but we’ve made progress!” Janos made a noise of contentment and nudged Azazel with his elbow. Emma buried her head in her hands theatrically as Angel smirked from her seat.
“You fucked up,” scolded Emma and she took her head out of her hands to point at both of them. “You had Erik in your hands and you both let him get away and now you think you can find some stranger that you happened to see him with. What the hell are you two thinking?”
“Look, I know this plan is hardly foolproof,” stated Azazel and Angel chuckled, “But we have to at least give it a try. A well planned stake out is all that’s needed to find this guy and then it’s simple.”
“What’s simple?”
The four associates in the room all jumped and cried out in alarm as they noticed Shaw standing at the door, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Emma slid off her desk and stood straight, brushing herself down and trying to make herself presentable. Angel even rose from her chair and took a few steps towards the main group. Azazel and Janos glanced at each other and realised that they were stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“Azazel and Janos found and lost Erik in less than thirty minutes today,” provided Emma nonchalantly and Azazel had to clench his jaw to stop himself from screaming at her. “However they have identified a man who seems to be friends with Erik and were planning on extracting some information from him.”
Shaw pursed his lips and sighed loudly as he watched them silently. Emma knew he was trying to make them uncomfortable but it had stopped working on her years before. Angel was feeling the effects though, because she was fidgeting with a piece of paper she had somehow acquired and was making tiny rips in it. Janos even tried to hide behind Azazel larger frame without making it look obvious.
“I think it’s a wonderful idea,” said Shaw suddenly and they all breathed sighs of relief. Angel even sat back in her chair with a huff as Shaw continued. “But know this, second chances are few and far between and I do not take failure lightly. If you do not succeed after extracting the required information I will have to deliver some much needed punishment. Is that clear?” All four of them nodded wildly in agreement.
“Right,” said Shaw cheerfully as he clapped his hands together and turned to leave. “I look forward to seeing this all work out.”
Emma stared at the now empty doorway with an ugly expression of confusion, not quite knowing how to take how optimistic Shaw had just been. He had been sulking for weeks and had been going over his notes from Erik’s early years. He was adamant that they retrieve Erik but he also was realistic enough to know that they may have to reprogram him after such a long period away. Emma wasn’t sure if Shaw would able to coerce Erik back into his old state of mind.
Azazel turned to Emma with an impressed look and said, “Well, I guess that’s settled.”
“Don’t fuck this up,” hissed Emma, “Or it’ll be the last thing you ever do and I swear to God if your fuck up gets me killed I will destroy you in the afterlife.”
**
Erik practically fell into the apartment when Charles opened the door. Charles deftly caught him and helped him upright, letting Erik lean heavily against his shoulder. Erik was panting loudly and had sweat trickling down his face. His entire body was shaking with the effects of adrenaline and he relied on Charles to steer him to a chair so he could sit. Once Erik was seated Charles rushed to get him a glass of water, remaining silent. Erik was in shock and horrified for thinking that it was safe to go outside. He should have known that Azazel and Janos were still searching for him under Shaw’s orders. Shaw would not quit until he had Erik back in his control or dead.
Charles placed the glass of water on the table in front of Erik and sat down on the chair next to him. As Erik took sloppy sips from the cup he was acutely aware of how close Charles had been to danger. They had seen Erik talking to Charles and that was enough for Azazel to implicate Charles as an accessory in Erik’s newfound freedom. The silence from Charles was unnerving. Erik stopped drinking and wracked his mind for some sort of excuse but found none.
“Charles, I don’t really know how to explain this all to you,” began Erik, deciding that some sort of honesty was needed; perhaps not all of the truth but a portion of it. “I know it’s been a rough week and I’m to blame. You know I have a past that haunts me and it was only a matter of time before it caught up with me.”
Erik hung his head, unable to continue with his attempted explanation. Charles, who had still not said a word, placed his hand on top of Erik’s which was resting on the table. Erik’s raised his head as Charles squeezed his hand and nodded slightly, indicating that he understood that Erik couldn’t exactly tell him everything. Erik was terrified of Charles being in the firing line but he also didn’t fully comprehend what was going through his mind. He had never felt this way about another human being in his life that he could remember. Charles’ safety and wellbeing was the only thing that he could think of and he would gladly give himself up if it meant that Charles was out of harm’s way. However, there was a part of him that didn’t want to leave Charles; a part that was selfish and wanted Charles to himself no matter the cost.
“Erik,” said Charles suddenly and Erik tore his gaze away from their hands to look Charles in the eyes. He lost himself in that electric blue stare as Charles continued. “Is there a way out for you? Some sort of truce, a way for peace? Surely there is something.” Charles seemed desperate for Erik to be able to leave his past behind and forget about it but it was never that simple.
Erik shook his head and turned his hand around to meet Charles’ palm with his own. “No Charles, I’m sorry. Peace was never an option.” Erik knew that the only way out of Shaw’s hold on him was to meet it head on with force. He had been working up the courage to confront Shaw for weeks now but just couldn’t bring himself to do it. The more time he spent with Charles the less he wanted to ruin everything.
Charles took his hand away from Erik’s and rose from his seat. Erik thought he was going to walk off but was proven wrong, as Charles stooped down low and cupped Erik’s face with both of his hands. Erik craned his neck to get a better look at Charles who was inches away from his face. His eyes were glazed over and bloodshot and his hands were trembling against Erik’s face. Erik’s breath hitched as Charles closed the gap between them and leaned their foreheads together. They both stayed like that for what seemed like hours. The rush of Charles’ breath was warm on Erik’s face and he raised his arms to grip Charles’ hips, gripping the fabric of his shirt between his fingers.
“There has to be a way Erik, there just has to be,” breathed Charles and Erik inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a moment, wishing that there was a way out of his life; out of everything. “I want this to end,” whispered Charles.
“I do too,” said Erik firmly as he stood up, only breaking their contact for a second before pulling Charles closer to him. “I need this to end.” Charles inhaled sharply and moved his hands down to Erik’s neck, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into the skin.
Suddenly, Charles froze his movements and jerked away from Erik, who frowned in confusion. Charles was running his fingers through his hair and shaking his head. He reached down and pulled Erik’s hands away from his shirt and took a step back.
“I need some air,” said Charles and Erik just stood still, not knowing what he had done to upset Charles. He didn’t want to move in case he did something wrong.
Charles flailed for a moment, almost reaching out for Erik a few times before he clenched his fists and stifled a scream. Without another word he stalked over to the front door and wrenched it open and walked out of the apartment, letting it slam behind him. Erik raised his hand to his face and touched it hesitantly. It was still warm from Charles' caress.
**
Azazel couldn’t actually believe his luck. He and Janos had been waiting in the van, parked on a random street near the one that they had found Erik earlier during the day and out of the blue the man they were not expecting to see so soon just appeared. He was meandering around, kicking at the pavement with a scowl. Azazel could clearly see that he was not in a good mood but it was the perfect opportunity and one that they may never find again. The street was deserted and the man was coming closer and closer to the van. Janos was crouching down in the back, waiting beside the door. As the man passed the van, Janos slide the door open and lunged outside, grabbing a handful of the stranger’s shirt and pulling him inside. The man cried out loud as he crashed into the cold metal floor. As quickly as he could, Azazel climbed over the seats and loomed over the man, bunching up the front of his shirt in his hands.
“What’s your name boy?” Azazel asked and he raised his fist in front of the man’s face. The man whimpered and tried to cover his face with his arms. Janos leaned back on his heels and watched silently, knowing not to interrupt Azazel. They were hoping for a quick job; in and out in seconds with minimal damage.
“Charles, Charles Xavier.”
Janos tapped the name into his phone and sent a message to Emma. They needed his full name in case of some unforeseen emergency regarding Erik. Charles was trying to free himself from Azazel’s grip but it was no use. Azazel was twice his size and didn’t budge as Charles’ arms came flying towards his face.
“I remember you two!” exclaimed Charles suddenly and Azazel's grip on his shirt loosened slightly. The idea of hiding their identities hadn’t even crossed their minds but of course Charles remembered them; they’d run past him just hours before, chasing Erik.
“Yeah, and if you tell anyone about us you won’t live to see the sunrise,” pointed out Janos, completely blasé. “So if you value your fucking life you’ll keep your mouth shut and listen carefully to the big man.” Janos inclined his head towards Azazel and Charles stared up at him, swallowing loudly.
Azazel didn’t issue a warning before the first punch and Charles cried out in pain as his nose crunched under the pressure. Blood began to trickle from his nostrils and into his mouth and he gurgled.
“Where is Erik?” asked Azazel, his fist poised for another hit.
Charles spat some of the blood out of his mouth and said, “Who? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Azazel chuckled at the guts that the man was showing. Surely he knew that he was going to be punished for lying.
The next blow hit Charles in the cheek and he only emitted a small shout before he bit his lip and stifled it. The punch had been close to the eye socket and a few vessels in Charles’ eye burst, leaving branches of red throughout the white.
“Don’t lie to us,” said Janos. Blood dribbled out of Charles’ mouth as he tried to breathe. Azazel raised his fist again but Janos held up his finger, gesturing for him to wait a moment and continued talking. “Even if Erik gave you an alias we know that you know who were are talking about. You look smart and I’m sure you’ve put two and two together. The man we were after this morning, where is he?”
Charles just shook his head defiantly, refusing to speak. Azazel shrugged and did his best to manoeuvre in the tight space. He dropped Charles onto the van floor and brought his elbow down into his chest. Blood spouted from Charles’ mouth as he screamed through his teeth. Azazel had felt at least one rib break and sighed contently.
“I don’t know where he’s from,” wheezed Charles and the other two men raised their eyebrows and listened intently. “I’ve just spoken to him a few times. I told the woman who was looking for him the same thing. I don’t know where he lives.”
Azazel’s mind felt like it had been thrown into a brick wall and judging by Janos’ face he was feeling the same way. What Charles had just said didn’t make any sense. What woman had he already told about Erik? Who could he possibly be talking about?
“What woman Charles?” asked Janos and Azazel grabbed Charles’ shirt and pulled him up. Charles groaned in pain and stared at Janos, his eye already incredibly swollen.
“She said her name was Emma.”
Janos and Azazel looked at each other in horror and then back down at the beaten man in front of them. It couldn’t have been a coincidence, it was too damn close. Emma had already found Erik and had been hiding his location for God knows how long. Angel was probably aware of Erik’s hide-out as well.
“Fuck, this changes all the plans,” hissed Janos and Azazel dropped Charles once again, ignoring the man’s cries. “Emma knows where Erik is and all we had to do was ask her. That bitch went behind our backs.”
Azazel shushed Janos and nodded towards Charles, who was leaning on his elbows with difficulty and listening into their conversation. Janos inclined his head towards the door and crawled over to it. He opened it a fraction and poked his head outside, looking for any witnesses. The street was still deserted and he gave Azazel a thumb up. Once again, Azazel took Charles by the shirt and dragged him over to the door. Charles was coughing and protested but nothing he did could stop Azazel from rolling him out the door and onto the pavement. Charles landed with a heavy thud and continued to cough but didn’t get up. Janos closed the van door; they had more pressing issues to deal with.
**
Author’s Note: I do not like this chapter... It just feels off to me. Ugh, it’s been such a hectic week at work and I’ve tried so hard to get this written within the week because I hate being late to post so maybe I’m just rushing it too much. Or perhaps I’m too self critical. IDEK anymore