Thoughts
It’s been a long time since my last post and it’s been an even longer time since I’ve posted some general thoughts on things happening in the world. I think about things constantly and analyze them in my head but I never really bother writing them down, much less post a blog about them. Unfortunately I don’t even have the patience to keep a written journal around. It’s only every now and then that something motivates me enough to write something down. It seems that livejournal is hardly ever used anymore, except some of the communities that frequently update. I guess keeping a blog has just gotten boring. And I guess I’m just updating now because it’s convenient.
First off, I stopped going to 4chan. It’s only been about three or four days but I don’t suspect that I’ll be going back any time soon. The only reason is that 4chan has gotten so stupid and full of fail that it’s not worth continuing with. No, it’s not a good, funny-in-a-twisted-way stupid, it’s just plain stupid. And frankly, it has gotten boring. I’m sick and tired of browsing through the pages and pages of trolls and pointless debates about religion. And I’m fed up with the arguments about whether Europe or America is better than one another. Anonymous has split into factions, each favoring their own self righteous definition of what Anonymous is and I don’t want to keep up with it. Stupid. Boring. And worst of all: trivial. I am done with 4chan.
Now for the meat of this entry. This is going to be somewhat hard and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to be totally coherent about my thoughts here. I’m not even sure, as I’m typing this now, where to begin. Some people will probably find this trivial but I don’t really care. I’ll probably add to this if I can think of any more.
I got my car back from the body shop today and went over to the Books-a-Million in Fultondale to pick up a copy of The Godfather by Mario Puzo. After I got the book I walked over to Best Buy to look through the DVDs. I almost bought Revenge of the Sith but realized I didn’t have enough money for it. And I had wanted to get a copy of Black Hawk Down for a long time but when I went to find it I realized that I wasn’t even ready to watch it. So as I left this prompted some thoughts and revelations that I’ve been having for the past few weeks.
I think it’s safe to say that everyone knows of things that they’re afraid to look into. Everyone knows of certain things that they don’t understand or want to understand. For me this is terrorism. Obviously it’s not just Islamic terrorism but terrorism in general. I’ve read into it and have seen some videos online about it. And I don’t understand it. I don’t even want to understand it. It frightens me down to the core of my soul. A few days ago (out of my own morbid curiosity) I tried to watch a video of Chechnya rebels massacring a group of Russian conscript soldiers.
I’m not even going to describe what I saw there. It was too much and it left me literally trembling. It was one of the most horrifying things I’ve ever seen.
Though looking into the background of the war they were in the Russians were really no better (wiki Chechnya-Russian wars I and II). There were soldiers on that side that massacred civilians and other things I don’t want to get into. Still…
The thing is I have almost no trouble delving into the criminal mind. I like True Crime and Criminal fiction, Hardboiled/Noir, etc. I’m deeply fascinated with the Mafia and I like to read into what drives not just the Mob but the criminal fraternity in general. As a writer I find that a good deal of my themes revolves around criminals of some type.
There is a distinct difference between typical criminality and terrorism, despite some similarities. Criminals do what they do usually for money or power, whereas terrorists do what they do for political or religious ideology. I don’t understand that at all. I guess I only understand to the extent that some types of terrorists like Islamic terrorists have known violence pretty much all their lives. It’s practically all they know. My spiritual beliefs about whether or not what they do can be termed “evil” is irrelevant. What’s relevant, however, is there is an explanation for it. There is an age-old cycle of conflict that reaches back to ancient times. All that terrorists do is contribute and perpetuate that cycle by making it worse with their barbarism and their senseless radicalism. You can find this with any faction of terrorists, like the IRA for example.
What comes to my mind now is something from the film version of No Country for Old Men, one of my recent obsessions:
"The crime you see now, it's hard to even take its measure. It's not that I'm afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But, I don't want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don't understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He'd have to say, 'O.K., I'll be part of this world.'"
In this case, I’d have to say I am indeed afraid of something I don’t understand. But at the same time it disgusts me. I don’t understand why some people have to kill others in such horrible ways because of religion or for political gain. I’m absolutely no more sympathetic to criminals in the Mob who kill for power and money, but for some reason I find that trying to understand them is a lot more tolerable than trying to understand terrorists. I kind of don’t know what to make of that.
"… I don't want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don't understand."
This line really struck me the most because it implies that not everything is what it seems, that there is sometimes a certain underbelly that’s not easy to explore. Organized crime like you see in the Sicilian Mafia stems from poverty and desperation. The Sicilian Mafia formed in a chaotic time in Italy, in the absence of law and strong government. Similar things happened with the Irish, the Russians, the South Americans, etc. Books and movies like The Godfather and In Cold Blood by Truman Capote are so important (at least to me) because they epitomize what drives the criminal underworld. In Cold Blood is just as scary as anything but I could get through the whole thing and would read it again if I had the time. I also cite certain parts of movies like Batman Begins and perhaps The Dark Knight when it comes out.
Now I don’t pretend to fully understand the criminal mind, because I think the only way to do that is to actually be one. And obviously I’m not going to go that far. I’ll probably be able to pick up Black Hawk Down again and watch it, but for now it’s too early. Certain parts of it remind me of what I saw and what I don’t want to see again. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get over what I saw or not.
Well... I'm over it for the most part, but there's still something uncomfortable that remains. What’s worse is that that was just a small part of a whole horrific history of violence. I realize that it’s a sad part of human nature, but despite that, it leaves me with a fear that I can’t fully describe.
It’s a genuine, very real fear. It’s a corrupt-your-soul-and-leave-you-in-the-dark kind of fear…
First off, I stopped going to 4chan. It’s only been about three or four days but I don’t suspect that I’ll be going back any time soon. The only reason is that 4chan has gotten so stupid and full of fail that it’s not worth continuing with. No, it’s not a good, funny-in-a-twisted-way stupid, it’s just plain stupid. And frankly, it has gotten boring. I’m sick and tired of browsing through the pages and pages of trolls and pointless debates about religion. And I’m fed up with the arguments about whether Europe or America is better than one another. Anonymous has split into factions, each favoring their own self righteous definition of what Anonymous is and I don’t want to keep up with it. Stupid. Boring. And worst of all: trivial. I am done with 4chan.
Now for the meat of this entry. This is going to be somewhat hard and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to be totally coherent about my thoughts here. I’m not even sure, as I’m typing this now, where to begin. Some people will probably find this trivial but I don’t really care. I’ll probably add to this if I can think of any more.
I got my car back from the body shop today and went over to the Books-a-Million in Fultondale to pick up a copy of The Godfather by Mario Puzo. After I got the book I walked over to Best Buy to look through the DVDs. I almost bought Revenge of the Sith but realized I didn’t have enough money for it. And I had wanted to get a copy of Black Hawk Down for a long time but when I went to find it I realized that I wasn’t even ready to watch it. So as I left this prompted some thoughts and revelations that I’ve been having for the past few weeks.
I think it’s safe to say that everyone knows of things that they’re afraid to look into. Everyone knows of certain things that they don’t understand or want to understand. For me this is terrorism. Obviously it’s not just Islamic terrorism but terrorism in general. I’ve read into it and have seen some videos online about it. And I don’t understand it. I don’t even want to understand it. It frightens me down to the core of my soul. A few days ago (out of my own morbid curiosity) I tried to watch a video of Chechnya rebels massacring a group of Russian conscript soldiers.
I’m not even going to describe what I saw there. It was too much and it left me literally trembling. It was one of the most horrifying things I’ve ever seen.
Though looking into the background of the war they were in the Russians were really no better (wiki Chechnya-Russian wars I and II). There were soldiers on that side that massacred civilians and other things I don’t want to get into. Still…
The thing is I have almost no trouble delving into the criminal mind. I like True Crime and Criminal fiction, Hardboiled/Noir, etc. I’m deeply fascinated with the Mafia and I like to read into what drives not just the Mob but the criminal fraternity in general. As a writer I find that a good deal of my themes revolves around criminals of some type.
There is a distinct difference between typical criminality and terrorism, despite some similarities. Criminals do what they do usually for money or power, whereas terrorists do what they do for political or religious ideology. I don’t understand that at all. I guess I only understand to the extent that some types of terrorists like Islamic terrorists have known violence pretty much all their lives. It’s practically all they know. My spiritual beliefs about whether or not what they do can be termed “evil” is irrelevant. What’s relevant, however, is there is an explanation for it. There is an age-old cycle of conflict that reaches back to ancient times. All that terrorists do is contribute and perpetuate that cycle by making it worse with their barbarism and their senseless radicalism. You can find this with any faction of terrorists, like the IRA for example.
What comes to my mind now is something from the film version of No Country for Old Men, one of my recent obsessions:
"The crime you see now, it's hard to even take its measure. It's not that I'm afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But, I don't want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don't understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He'd have to say, 'O.K., I'll be part of this world.'"
In this case, I’d have to say I am indeed afraid of something I don’t understand. But at the same time it disgusts me. I don’t understand why some people have to kill others in such horrible ways because of religion or for political gain. I’m absolutely no more sympathetic to criminals in the Mob who kill for power and money, but for some reason I find that trying to understand them is a lot more tolerable than trying to understand terrorists. I kind of don’t know what to make of that.
"… I don't want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don't understand."
This line really struck me the most because it implies that not everything is what it seems, that there is sometimes a certain underbelly that’s not easy to explore. Organized crime like you see in the Sicilian Mafia stems from poverty and desperation. The Sicilian Mafia formed in a chaotic time in Italy, in the absence of law and strong government. Similar things happened with the Irish, the Russians, the South Americans, etc. Books and movies like The Godfather and In Cold Blood by Truman Capote are so important (at least to me) because they epitomize what drives the criminal underworld. In Cold Blood is just as scary as anything but I could get through the whole thing and would read it again if I had the time. I also cite certain parts of movies like Batman Begins and perhaps The Dark Knight when it comes out.
Now I don’t pretend to fully understand the criminal mind, because I think the only way to do that is to actually be one. And obviously I’m not going to go that far. I’ll probably be able to pick up Black Hawk Down again and watch it, but for now it’s too early. Certain parts of it remind me of what I saw and what I don’t want to see again. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get over what I saw or not.
Well... I'm over it for the most part, but there's still something uncomfortable that remains. What’s worse is that that was just a small part of a whole horrific history of violence. I realize that it’s a sad part of human nature, but despite that, it leaves me with a fear that I can’t fully describe.
It’s a genuine, very real fear. It’s a corrupt-your-soul-and-leave-you-in-the-dark kind of fear…