(Untitled)

May 16, 2007 19:28

This is my film that I've been working on the last few weeks.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TZXbB63-Bg

Be honest, and unmerciful.

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mrfortune May 17 2007, 04:21:58 UTC
The only serious commentary I have would be in the pacing of certain elements. George is very genial when he tries to explain what he's doing on the field, and instantaneously goes straight to his depression once the guy kicks him out, which feels a bit abrupt. He drives up to his house, and the ball hits his car; he suddenly appears outside the car (way too fast), but the kids don't seem to realize that they've hit his car with their baseball until he actually looks up at them. I'm no failed baseball player, but it also strikes me as a little strange that he throws only two baseballs in his backyard before deciding that things are hopeless.

Other little things: the second kid to back away from the kid who broke the window has a very smug grin that feels very out of place given the scene. The score is good, though the crowd sounds and the announcer are a little loud, and thus a little jarring when they fade in and out, especially over the solo piano section when George is looking over the old photos and newspapers. I also personally find the announcer's voice a little grating, but that's just me.

Otherwise, I think that it's a very solid piece of film. Having the old baseball player actually come out of his house and throw a baseball around with some neighborhood kids is a nice touch, and certainly manages to avoid most of the usual sports film cliches. The actor who plays George does a nice job.

Peace,
Matt

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braundiggity May 17 2007, 06:37:45 UTC
totally agree with your pacing comments, but they're mostly due to the 5:30 time restriction the class puts on us. I would've wanted him to protest/fight more before leaving the field (though I think that's a little extraneous to the actual story), we had him actually getting out of the car (it added an unnecessary 4 seconds), and we had him throwing 3 baseballs, not two (2 felt short, 3 feels more natural, but we didn't have that extra 15 seconds or so). with the kids, that's my lazy fault; I wanted to record the kids actually talking about him ("oh my god, you hit it! you deal with it!" etc.) but never got around to it, so I had to use crap from the sound library.

the loudness issue really comes through in a home stereo. the sound is mixed for a theatre, and in the theatre, it sounds great. But played at home, that change is really, really apparent, a lot more jarring. And the announcer voice -- haha, what happened was, the guy I recorded kind of did the old-school voice himself, so when we tried to do mess around with the sound to give it that aged feel, it came off whiny and weird. lesson learned, on my part.

anyway, thanks for the comments. mostly, I agree, and it's nice to hear regardless, to think of what I could've done differently. Glad you liked it.

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mrfortune May 17 2007, 15:16:52 UTC
Ah, a 5:30 time restriction. In that case, I would have considered cutting the part where the kids hit his car with the baseball entirely (as well as the "Early Retirement" title, which I didn't really feel was necessary). It would have given you the extra seconds you needed to have him throw three baseballs, and it would have heightened the surprise of the baseball shattering the window just as he was about to take the pills (whereas here, it's more of an "oh right, they're still having trouble holding onto the damn baseball" type thing when it first happens).

Also, John has an excellent point about George contemplating suicide in a very short time.

Anyway, good stuff. See if Kevin Costner is available for a sequel...actually, no, just stick with the guy who played George.

Peace,
Matt

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braundiggity May 17 2007, 16:41:49 UTC
Actually, cutting the kids at the beginning might be the best idea i'd never heard. I had always seen it as a plant, to keep the baseball at the end from seeming like too much of a deus ex machina. But in hindsight, it should've gone.

Screw Kevin Costner. I want clint eastwood.

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