Another Day ~
Another day
The last time I actually talk talked to him was probably ...Thursday . So exactly 7 days ago . Well .. he told me he wanted to talk to me last night but I made myself unavailable .. Im glad I was actually able to do that *laughs* . Usually when he says he wants to talk to me I make sure I am near the computer or near the phone and that the cell is turned on . I think Im doing .. "ok" -laughs-
It kind of came as a shock to me as I realised that I actually count my days in my months in three different ways -> Saturdays = Cartoons. -> 2nd Fridays = Paydays -> Sundays & Mondays= when he calls .
I feel weak and pathetic because its taking me so long to get over him . And that it seems thats all I can think about .. "this many days since I last talked to him , this many days since I last saw him , this many days since I last touched him " etc ..
A friend of mine helps alot.. tells me that this is normal - that I am *not* weak and pathetic .. that its more often hardest to get over your first then anything else ..
Its wierd because some of my old friends .. friends that havent had a relationship of any sort .. I cant seem to click with them like I used to . I know , I know that sounds so .. pompous (?) But thats how I feel . It takes effort to be near them .. When something is planned .. I have to work myself up to even go.. I HATE that ..
I used to be very ..happy and Im having trouble with that now . Im just not . Im just here - going through the motions .
Granted things at home could be a hell of alot better .. but Im not about to leave here and leave my mom alone with the Cracker Issue.Crackers is hard enough to deal with as it is .. I cant wait until she runs out .. that will be just *heavenly *..
blah
enough for today , I feel like Im in a self pity landslide.