So This Is the New Year...
My journal entries don't serve as an outstanding representation of this past year, as I have been (sadly?) lax in my transcription of my daily actions and sparse in my reflections. It would seem that this has to do with both the (thankful?) lack of "drama" in my life and the preponderance of tasks I manage to obligate myself to, which continually push my waxing eloquent to the side. I guess in that way, they have been rather representative...
The turning of the New Year always forces a retrospective: what have I done, how have I changed and what do I have left to do, what should yet be changed about me? My grandmother used to say of New Year's Resolutions "If something needs changing you shouldn't wait around until New Year's to fix it." I agree with this saying so emblematic of my sharp-tongued grandmother, and yet I remain drawn by the promise of a fresh set of calendar pages, the illusion of a clean start.
What have I done?
Awoke to the wonder of The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds; Hooked Joey on Boggle; Drank Massive Amounts of Tea; Became a Theater Critic; Partied with the Bands After KUMM Shows; Said Good-bye to Eighth Street and My Five Roommates; Moved into My Tiny "Downtown" Apartment; Completed 2 majors and 4 research projects; Became Station Manager; Saw Gator Country; Traveled to India; Gave a Sex Talk to 16-year-olds; Performed at the State Fair, Packed a House, and Recorded a CD with the Treble Makers; Got Asked If My Paper Was "Part of My Dissertation Work" at MPCA; Met Neil Conan; Went as a Mime, a Deviled Egg, and a My Little Pony for Halloween; Too Many Potlucks too Count; Became Addicted to Twin Peaks; Toured the MPR Studios and Decided Yes, That Is What I Want To Do With My Life.
How have I changed?
I feel old sometimes. It's not the cracking knees or the fact that I sometimes yearn to go to bed before ten o'clock; it's a feeling of independence (false, probably, but still powerful). It comes when I plan meals or my future, when I can say "This is what I want," and know that in fact, that is what I want, and I can set about achieving it, whether that thing is chickpea curry or a graduate education. At the same time, I am constantly reminded that I am too young. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, and most of the time it isn't or I act like it isn't, but I hate not being 21. I don't even care if I can drink, I just want to not be barred from hanging out with my friends. At the same time, I almost feel like I've gained in maturity from even that. I don't really care to spend my nights drinking anymore, as drinking for me usually only means making out with the nearest member of the opposite sex and a headache in the morning. It has also forced me to find the kind of friends that create amusement instead of imbibing it. I spent my evenings as I would (probably) rather spend them: in conversation, playing word games, listening to music or creating it, baking cakes, going to things of interest... sometimes alone with a book and a cat in the warm lamplight of my room, listening to the occasional shouts of drunken revelry drifting across Atlantic, and while I think "What Fun!" and casually wish I could join them, I am also thankful to wake the next morning without dry mouth and a headache.
I have given up on the idea of finding romantic love completely. For the time being at least. I have not however abandoned the idea of companionship, indeed for perhaps the first time in a while I do no feel a lack of it. I have more than one person who I feel I can call upon for no other reason than that I wish to be in their company. No plans need to be set or appointments made. It is the kind of friendship that I not only desire, but I think need to be truly happy.
What remains to be done?
Applications, Statements of Purpose, and (hopefully) Interviews; More Research; Presenting of Research; Lots and Lots More Time at KUMM; 21st Birthday; More Dance Parties and Sing-alongs; Too Many Potlucks to Count; Gallons of Tea; One Last Treble Makers Performance; Graduation; Saying Good-bye to Morris; Somewhere and Something New.
What remains to be changed?
Of course, I have made the typical resolutions to live healthier, manage my money more wisely, etc. My real resolution is to stay in touch with the people that have mattered in my life. I have a tendency, because of the way I run my life, manage my time, to become totally wrapped up in my own life and its petty tasks. I don't want to let my friends both in Morris and elsewhere and even my family fall to the wayside because of it. Especially as senior year draws to its close, I realize that I don't want to lose all the wonderful people I have met along the way.
So... Here Goes 2008!
The turning of the New Year always forces a retrospective: what have I done, how have I changed and what do I have left to do, what should yet be changed about me? My grandmother used to say of New Year's Resolutions "If something needs changing you shouldn't wait around until New Year's to fix it." I agree with this saying so emblematic of my sharp-tongued grandmother, and yet I remain drawn by the promise of a fresh set of calendar pages, the illusion of a clean start.
What have I done?
Awoke to the wonder of The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds; Hooked Joey on Boggle; Drank Massive Amounts of Tea; Became a Theater Critic; Partied with the Bands After KUMM Shows; Said Good-bye to Eighth Street and My Five Roommates; Moved into My Tiny "Downtown" Apartment; Completed 2 majors and 4 research projects; Became Station Manager; Saw Gator Country; Traveled to India; Gave a Sex Talk to 16-year-olds; Performed at the State Fair, Packed a House, and Recorded a CD with the Treble Makers; Got Asked If My Paper Was "Part of My Dissertation Work" at MPCA; Met Neil Conan; Went as a Mime, a Deviled Egg, and a My Little Pony for Halloween; Too Many Potlucks too Count; Became Addicted to Twin Peaks; Toured the MPR Studios and Decided Yes, That Is What I Want To Do With My Life.
How have I changed?
I feel old sometimes. It's not the cracking knees or the fact that I sometimes yearn to go to bed before ten o'clock; it's a feeling of independence (false, probably, but still powerful). It comes when I plan meals or my future, when I can say "This is what I want," and know that in fact, that is what I want, and I can set about achieving it, whether that thing is chickpea curry or a graduate education. At the same time, I am constantly reminded that I am too young. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, and most of the time it isn't or I act like it isn't, but I hate not being 21. I don't even care if I can drink, I just want to not be barred from hanging out with my friends. At the same time, I almost feel like I've gained in maturity from even that. I don't really care to spend my nights drinking anymore, as drinking for me usually only means making out with the nearest member of the opposite sex and a headache in the morning. It has also forced me to find the kind of friends that create amusement instead of imbibing it. I spent my evenings as I would (probably) rather spend them: in conversation, playing word games, listening to music or creating it, baking cakes, going to things of interest... sometimes alone with a book and a cat in the warm lamplight of my room, listening to the occasional shouts of drunken revelry drifting across Atlantic, and while I think "What Fun!" and casually wish I could join them, I am also thankful to wake the next morning without dry mouth and a headache.
I have given up on the idea of finding romantic love completely. For the time being at least. I have not however abandoned the idea of companionship, indeed for perhaps the first time in a while I do no feel a lack of it. I have more than one person who I feel I can call upon for no other reason than that I wish to be in their company. No plans need to be set or appointments made. It is the kind of friendship that I not only desire, but I think need to be truly happy.
What remains to be done?
Applications, Statements of Purpose, and (hopefully) Interviews; More Research; Presenting of Research; Lots and Lots More Time at KUMM; 21st Birthday; More Dance Parties and Sing-alongs; Too Many Potlucks to Count; Gallons of Tea; One Last Treble Makers Performance; Graduation; Saying Good-bye to Morris; Somewhere and Something New.
What remains to be changed?
Of course, I have made the typical resolutions to live healthier, manage my money more wisely, etc. My real resolution is to stay in touch with the people that have mattered in my life. I have a tendency, because of the way I run my life, manage my time, to become totally wrapped up in my own life and its petty tasks. I don't want to let my friends both in Morris and elsewhere and even my family fall to the wayside because of it. Especially as senior year draws to its close, I realize that I don't want to lose all the wonderful people I have met along the way.
So... Here Goes 2008!