Goodbye Sembreak.
I just realized that I haven’t done anything at all the past month, that one glorious period of break from all those eyebrow-singeing nights we spent cramming papers and studying for exams. My brain, magnificent thing that it is, was in one of those moments where it chose to emphasize the total lack of activity I had for the past few weeks. You are lazy, it told me. I disagreed, of course. I know I'm not lazy, I worked my ass off to get this well-deserved one month break. Now it isn't abnormal for my brain to argue with me. It likes doing that. And so predictably, to prove me wrong, it calls up my imaginary siblings and imaginary me (it likes the whole imaginary thing too much, in my opinion), and proceeds to do a whole Q & A portion. Without my consent, of course.
So Gray Matter asks, during the whole month, what did you do during the weekdays?
The imaginary brother in my head said, I had basketball training most of the time. The imaginary sister in my head said, I had classes and studied literature, history, geography, math and science. And the Renee in my head, ever so beautiful and sharp as a whip, sheepishly scratched her head and said, I had watched TV and surfed the net and napped during the afternoons.
I could almost hear the smirk in its voice when Thingie With Convolutions asks again, during the weekends, what did you do?
Brother said, I had a schedule of teaching elementary school kids as community service each Saturday, and a date with my girlfriend on Sunday. Sister said, I stuck to my rigorous schedule of having my piano lessons every Saturday and swimming lessons on Sunday. And I said, I stuck to my rigorous schedule of helping with the laundry every Saturday, and washing the dishes each Sunday, with naps in the afternoons.
…and during your free time, what did you do? Brain continues to prod, gleefully sensing victory.
He said, during my free time I practiced with my guitar and jammed with my band. She said, during my free time I played the viola and practiced my drawing skills. And the Renee in my head said, during my free time I slept and I ate.
With naps in the afternoons.
Alright, alright! I give up. So I was lazy. And I did realize just how lazy I was and how much my brain was sadly lacking in exercise. I further proved this fact when I tried taking one of the easiest online IQ tests known to man, and the questionnaire was demanding “Which has more worth? A trunk full of dimes? Or half a trunk of nickels?” All smart little me could think about was, “how much again is a nickel?” I also tried answering those questions which have “what number comes next in the pattern?” I got it wrong, even after stressing my brain cells out. I tried to see if I really lost that much amount of IQ points over such a short period of time or if the question was just too hard... by asking my little sister. AND the little brat got it right damnit. I asked my big brother… I’m better in algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and calculus than he will ever be.
He, by some cruel twist of fate, got it right. My self esteem took such a blow.
Yep, it’s the second day of class and I have to read three chapters on Organizational Behavior by tomorrow. What luck, my brain refuses to absorb anything beyond first grade level of knowledge. I was thinking (I do this from time to time) of exercising it a bit, you know… doing something productive, or developing a talent that I can probably use in the future. I chose the moment to grab my sister’s “Speak Japanese” book and tried to read it while I was doing my business in the bathroom. Pops kept knocking on the bathroom door, wondering why I was talking to myself in Japanese.
I didn't care. I sounded cool reading all those, and pretending to be fluent. Never mind that I did it in the bathroom! But if ever I get the chance to visit Japan I would wow them locals with my impressive Japanese vocabulary. However, by the time I got out of the bathroom, I had only memorized a couple of phrases; a few hundred short of what was originally my goal. What the heck, it’s still a start, right?
So here's what I bullied my brain to remember:
Atashi wa ____ desu. ---> for introducing yourself.
Anata no jusho o kudasai ---> for asking someone’s address
Nan sai desu ka.---> for asking someone’s age
Hentai. ---> this is of course, not something that was written on the book, but it’s from my super extensive Japanese “stock knowledge” vocabulary.
I can pretty much form new sentences already. Atashi wa hentai desu.* And I can form actual paragraphs too. Check this out. Nan sai desu ka. Anata no jusho o kudasai. Atashi wa hentai desu.**
Pure genius.***
* I am a pervert? But I don’t mean any disrespect so I’m saying it politely? Please don’t hit me!
** How old are you? Please give me your address. I am a pervert (politely).
*** I need more trips to the bathroom.