oof
Two weeks of employment remaining and I am ... very very ready to be done. I am frantically trying to finish up what was supposed to be a two-person project, going through and verifying 5200+ transcripts (about 10% of them have significant formatting issues) prior to the coming merger with a larger school. As the task was originally divvied up, I'd be almost finished. As it stands, I'm less than halfway through and can just about feel my brains melting out my ears.
I don't mind a solid data clean-up project, but this one has me nearly in tears over the impossibility of it. And I know nobody else expects me to actually finish the damn thing, given the circumstances--the few remaining staff will just have to lump it, I suppose--but I had been thinking of it as a solid way to close out my career at the school, and I am cursed to be a completionist by nature: it's going to be very unsatisfying to have some odd number left undone.
I don't want to complain, though--it's just that I'm so tired mentally that writing this is the closest I can get myself to doing something constructive. There's an enormous pile in one corner of my room which is a testament to just how sapped my willpower is from this project (and all the other scrambling bits of trying to prep for a imminent but still-not-actually-planned transition).
I want to garden, but don't; I want to sew, but don't; I want to clean, but don't; I want to write, but can barely manage a bit of daydreaming at night before falling asleep; I want to read real books, but keep just reflexively checking for updates on favorite fanfics. I know I need to get more sleep, but somehow it's always after 11 by the time I think "should probably go to bed soon". About the only things I'm sort of managing to keep up with are walking and prayer, though both in less-than-ideal amounts.
At least it's rained on and off the last few days (a great relief!); I had strawberries and cottage cheese for breakfast; there are rainbows dancing across my ceiling. This stress and mental strain is yet another thing that will pass.
Oddly enough, it helps to think of the whole thing less as losing my job and more as a vaguely amicable divorce. I hold no ill-will towards anyone (not consciously, at least), but oh, what a wreck things have come to! Somehow I'll get thorugh the next two weeks and the required paperwork, and then it will be done and I'll take the rest of the summer off before trying to find some better-suiting way to keep my bank account afloat.
I don't mind a solid data clean-up project, but this one has me nearly in tears over the impossibility of it. And I know nobody else expects me to actually finish the damn thing, given the circumstances--the few remaining staff will just have to lump it, I suppose--but I had been thinking of it as a solid way to close out my career at the school, and I am cursed to be a completionist by nature: it's going to be very unsatisfying to have some odd number left undone.
I don't want to complain, though--it's just that I'm so tired mentally that writing this is the closest I can get myself to doing something constructive. There's an enormous pile in one corner of my room which is a testament to just how sapped my willpower is from this project (and all the other scrambling bits of trying to prep for a imminent but still-not-actually-planned transition).
I want to garden, but don't; I want to sew, but don't; I want to clean, but don't; I want to write, but can barely manage a bit of daydreaming at night before falling asleep; I want to read real books, but keep just reflexively checking for updates on favorite fanfics. I know I need to get more sleep, but somehow it's always after 11 by the time I think "should probably go to bed soon". About the only things I'm sort of managing to keep up with are walking and prayer, though both in less-than-ideal amounts.
At least it's rained on and off the last few days (a great relief!); I had strawberries and cottage cheese for breakfast; there are rainbows dancing across my ceiling. This stress and mental strain is yet another thing that will pass.
Oddly enough, it helps to think of the whole thing less as losing my job and more as a vaguely amicable divorce. I hold no ill-will towards anyone (not consciously, at least), but oh, what a wreck things have come to! Somehow I'll get thorugh the next two weeks and the required paperwork, and then it will be done and I'll take the rest of the summer off before trying to find some better-suiting way to keep my bank account afloat.