Sorry
Sorry. This is yet another post about how fucking pissed off I am about my broken heart. Skip over this if you want. But if you want to read about how angry and hurt I am, continue. Caution: After reading this you may feel slightly disturbed.
I often wonder what I would do if I ever saw them walking around town. If I saw them from a distance. Holding hands. Now, the young adult tells me to turn and walk the other way,BUT,the primal beast within me tells me to run up to that motherfucker and make him wish he had never been born. I don't care if that motherfucker is 6'2" 210lbs. I'll lay that motherfucker OUT. I won't get arrested for assault, I'll be arrested for attempted murder. They'll need a shovel to scrape that motherfucker off the ground. You know why? Because I'm filled with rage. And when I am filled with rage, stay the fuck out of my way. I can actually feel the blood boiling in my veins. I grind my teeth so bad my back molars are worn down to nubs. Give me 15 minuets with that motherfucker. He doesn't even stand a chance.
I can't wait for the day when I don't love her anymore. I just want to forget about her.
She'll force the relationship to work. She'll do everything in her power to make him stay. Just so she can prove a point. Just so she can make me suffer.
Isn't it amazing how one day you are laying in bed together, watching movies, reading a book out loud, singing a song to her, going to the grocery store, eating chinese food, doing laundry, making dinner, kissing, hugging, looking into her eyes, making her laugh so fucking hard...and the next day she calls you up and says she doesn't want you anymore. Doesn't need you anymore. Wants you gone. Out. Vanish. Disappear. Go away. You have been replaced. Her life is better without me in it. And that thought alone makes me want to fucking kill myself.
Why? Why? Why? Why is this happening? I love her. Doesn't that mean anything anymore?
I just want to be somewhere else. Any place but here. Put me on a raft in the middle of the Pacific ocean. I want to be on that raft forever.
She graduates in May. I don't know what her plans are. Maybe she'll move back to MN. Maybe she'll stay in Ithaca and get pregnant. I hope she moves back to MN. No, it won't make things any easier but at least shes 30 hours away and not 30 minuets away.
My friends are telling me I'm fucking stupid to love a person that has treated me like dog shit. To be so miserable over someone who obviously has no regards for my feelings. To want to die over someone who used me and fucked around with my head. To be so desperate over someone who wants me to drop off the face of the earth. They aren't very sympathetic. I guess I don't blame them.
If she leaves in May to go back to MN, that really means that I will never, ever see her again. It's so fucked up I can't even comprehend it right now. It's like thinking about the solar system, or trying to count all the grains of sand on a beach. Your eyes just glaze over as you try to take it all in. Your brain shorts out and you just go numb.
If she stays in Ithaca, I'm bound to run into her at some point. Our paths may not cross for months and months, but I guarantee they will. And when that happens I hope I'm ready. And I hope for his sake, he's not with her.
This is the woman I want to marry. To spend the rest of my life with. To love forever and ever and ever.
The thought of him touching her makes me want to fucking puke. The thought of him fucking her makes me want to bash my head into a brick wall. I think about it every second. It drives me insane.
Will there ever be a night when I'm not screaming for her?
.
I often wonder what I would do if I ever saw them walking around town. If I saw them from a distance. Holding hands. Now, the young adult tells me to turn and walk the other way,BUT,the primal beast within me tells me to run up to that motherfucker and make him wish he had never been born. I don't care if that motherfucker is 6'2" 210lbs. I'll lay that motherfucker OUT. I won't get arrested for assault, I'll be arrested for attempted murder. They'll need a shovel to scrape that motherfucker off the ground. You know why? Because I'm filled with rage. And when I am filled with rage, stay the fuck out of my way. I can actually feel the blood boiling in my veins. I grind my teeth so bad my back molars are worn down to nubs. Give me 15 minuets with that motherfucker. He doesn't even stand a chance.
I can't wait for the day when I don't love her anymore. I just want to forget about her.
She'll force the relationship to work. She'll do everything in her power to make him stay. Just so she can prove a point. Just so she can make me suffer.
Isn't it amazing how one day you are laying in bed together, watching movies, reading a book out loud, singing a song to her, going to the grocery store, eating chinese food, doing laundry, making dinner, kissing, hugging, looking into her eyes, making her laugh so fucking hard...and the next day she calls you up and says she doesn't want you anymore. Doesn't need you anymore. Wants you gone. Out. Vanish. Disappear. Go away. You have been replaced. Her life is better without me in it. And that thought alone makes me want to fucking kill myself.
Why? Why? Why? Why is this happening? I love her. Doesn't that mean anything anymore?
I just want to be somewhere else. Any place but here. Put me on a raft in the middle of the Pacific ocean. I want to be on that raft forever.
She graduates in May. I don't know what her plans are. Maybe she'll move back to MN. Maybe she'll stay in Ithaca and get pregnant. I hope she moves back to MN. No, it won't make things any easier but at least shes 30 hours away and not 30 minuets away.
My friends are telling me I'm fucking stupid to love a person that has treated me like dog shit. To be so miserable over someone who obviously has no regards for my feelings. To want to die over someone who used me and fucked around with my head. To be so desperate over someone who wants me to drop off the face of the earth. They aren't very sympathetic. I guess I don't blame them.
If she leaves in May to go back to MN, that really means that I will never, ever see her again. It's so fucked up I can't even comprehend it right now. It's like thinking about the solar system, or trying to count all the grains of sand on a beach. Your eyes just glaze over as you try to take it all in. Your brain shorts out and you just go numb.
If she stays in Ithaca, I'm bound to run into her at some point. Our paths may not cross for months and months, but I guarantee they will. And when that happens I hope I'm ready. And I hope for his sake, he's not with her.
This is the woman I want to marry. To spend the rest of my life with. To love forever and ever and ever.
The thought of him touching her makes me want to fucking puke. The thought of him fucking her makes me want to bash my head into a brick wall. I think about it every second. It drives me insane.
Will there ever be a night when I'm not screaming for her?
.