A BRAND NEW LIFE (CHAPTER 11)

[brassebouillon]

Summary : What if Ryan had entered the Cohen’s life when he was five years old?
Beta : As usual, I want to thank the awesome 
anne35for the incredible work she did on this fanfiction.
Disclaimers : The characters and the universe were created and are (or, “were”…*sob on the keyboard*) owned by Josh Schwartz.
All mistakes are my personal property.
No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
And I still don’t own Benjamin McKenzie (if I did, I swear, he would be in LA working, not travelling around the globe) nor Adam Brody (if I did, he would have a haircut right now!) *sob on the keyboard…again*

A flash of lightning momentarily lit Seth’s bedroom. He had been awake since the very first rumble of thunder. He jumped at both the sights and the noises of the storm. Clutching his blanket under his chin, he tried to tell himself there was nothing to be afraid of. It’s just a little rain, no big deal. Last summer, when we vacationed in France, there were much worse storms than this. I’m not scared. Rain is good for the plants and tress. Another bolt streaked across the sky instantly filling his room with light once again. But that doesn’t mean I have to like them. The following thunder made his bed shake. I’m outta here. He leapt out of bed, barely taking the time to grab Captain Oats, and ran down the hallway hoping to reach his parent’s bedroom before the next lightning hit.

He had almost reached the stairway when a muffled sob coming from Ryan’s room stopped him in his tracks. He may be frightened, but he couldn’t just ignore Ryan. After all, he was the big brother, and it was his job to protect his younger brother. Well, maybe not against the school bullies, but definitely against everything else.
“Ryan?”
Seth entered Ryan’s room. From the dim glow of the night light, he could see that Ryan wasn’t in his bed. He heard the crying once again.
“Ryan, where are you?”
After a third time, Seth could tell it was coming from inside the closet. He knocked on the door. “Ryan, Ryan are you in there.” The only answer was another muffled sob. Seth took a deep breath and slowly opened the door, terrified of what he might find. I’ve got to quit watching Scooby Doo reruns, he thought.
“Ryan!” Seth sighed with relief. It was just Ryan. Not a poltergeist or other scary creatures. He frowned.
“Ryan, what are you doing in the closet?”
Seth kneeled down in front of his brother. Ryan was sitting there, his hands on his ears and was mumbling something Seth didn’t get. Seth shook gently Ryan who jerked away.
“Hey, it’s just me. You know your brother... Seth. Are you scared?”
Ryan didn’t answer.
“It’s okay, Ryan. I don’t like thunderstorms either, and Captain Oats is a nervous wreck. I’ve tried to tell him we’re totally safe in the house, but he won’t listen to me. You know how stubborn horses can be. You wanna come with us? We’re going to sleep in Mom and Dad’s bed. That always makes Captain Oats feel safe, but I got to warn you, he kicks.”
Ryan bit his lip and whispered, “We can’t do that. They’re gonna be mad at us.”
“No they’re not. When I’m scared or sick, they always let me sleep with them.”
“They’re gonna yell at us…”
“Why would they do that? They don’t want us to be scared. Besides, when do they ever yell?”
Ryan thought about what Seth said. He was right. He couldn’t ever remember Kirsten and Sandy ever really yelling at either one of them. But you could never be too careful. A couple of weeks before coming to live with the Cohens, he had gotten sick during the night. Trey usually took care of him, but he was spending the night with Arturo, after getting into a big fight with Jake. Ryan had tried very hard to quiet and only wake his mom up, but it didn’t work. He had made too much noise and Jake woke up, too. Jake had been so mad, he slapped Ryan and gave him a bloody nose. Ryan shivered at the memory.
“That’s okay. I better not. I’ll just stay here.”
Seth was tempted to leave, but then he looked at Ryan. It was obvious he was really scared...even more than Captain Oats. “Are you sure? I’m serious, Mom and Dad won’t care. It’s a big bed, and I’ll let you sleep by mom. She doesn’t snore like Dad does.”
“I don’t know, Seth.”
“It’s not your first thunderstorm, is it?” Seth added.
Ryan shrugged.
“Come on, you’re not going to sleep in your closet with your smelly shoes are you?”
“It’s okay. I’m fine...really. Good night, Seth.”
Seth shrugged his shoulders. “All right, it’s your loss. You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

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Seth climbed into bed, and squirmed his way in between his parents.
Kirsten rolled over and smiled sleepily at Seth. “Hey, sweetie. It’s a pretty bad storm, isn’t it? We’re not used to all this rain, are we?” She reached over and tapped Sandy on the shoulder. “Honey, if Seth’s awake, I’m sure Ryan is too. He’s such a light sleeper. Would you go check on him for me, please?”
“Ryan is awake.” Seth yawned and snuggled in closer to his mother. “He’s hiding in his closet. I told him he could come sleep with us, but he thought you’d be mad at him. He things you’re going to yell at him if he comes in here.” He yawned again, and put Captain Oats next to him on the pillow. “Night, Mom.”
Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a worried look.
As Sandy quickly stood up, a rumble of thunder could be heard.
“It’s okay, Captain Oats,” mumbled a sleepy Seth. “You’re safe now.” He reached up and patted the toy horse.
Sandy stood for a moment, looking at Ryan’s closet door. He had been hoping that by some miracle that Seth had been wrong. That Ryan really wasn’t hiding in the closet, but the closed door and the empty bed left no room for doubt. He went to the door, but didn’t open it right away. “Ryan,” he called softly. He thought the boy had enough scares for one night, without adding to them. “It’s me, Sandy. I’m going to open the door and come in.”
He found Ryan with his hands on his ears, and his eyes closed as tight as possible. He was shaking....
Slowly, Sandy kneeled down in front of the terrified boy.
“Ryan, it’s me. Open your eyes, kid. It’s okay, it’s just a really scary thunderstorm outside. We’re safe in the house. Ryan?”
Ryan didn’t move. He kept his legs pulled into his chest, his face buried in his knees, and his hands clasped over his ears. Sandy gently shook Ryan’s knees and tried to get him to listen.
“Ryan, it’s okay, just listen to me. Put your hands down. Ryan, Seth is sleeping with us. Come on, you must be exhausted.”
Ryan had barely raised his head when a bright flash of light streaked through the bedroom, followed by the loud rumble of thunder. Terrified, Ryan screamed and leaned in closer to Sandy, who immediately gathered Ryan into his arms. He could feel the boy shaking hard against him. “It’s okay, Ryan. I’m here with you. I’ll keep you safe. I promise. Let’s go. Kirsten and Seth are waiting for us. If we’re all together nothing bad can happen.”
“I can’t,” whispered Ryan.
“Didn’t you ever go sleep in your mom’s bed when you were scared?”
Ryan shook his head:
“No. I slept in Trey’s bed. He let me. My mom didn’t like it. She said I bothered her boyfriends. They used to get really mad when I’d come in the room. They always said I was a real pain in the ass. I was always told to be as quiet as possible. I’m supposed to be invisible.”
“Things are different here. No one wants you to be invisible in this house. It’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to let us know that you’re scared.”
“I have to be a good kid, I don’t want to bother you. So you don’t want to get rid of me,” Ryan murmured.
“We will never want to get rid of you because you’re our son and we love you.”
A rumble of thunder could be heard and Ryan buried his face in Sandy’s shoulder.
“I’m scared…”
“Let’s go join Kirsten and Seth.”
Ryan nodded against Sandy’s chest:
“Okay,” he whispered.
Sandy scooped him up in his arms, making sure to grab the wifebeater as he stood, and made his way downstairs.
“Now, the family is complete,” Sandy announced while entering the bedroom.

Kirsten looked up and smiled at the pajama-clad, tousled-haired boy in her husband’s arms. She was happy to see that Sandy had brought him back with him, but she wasn’t sure what Ryan was feeling. He had a look on his face that she couldn’t quite place. He was staring at Seth with an expression that was a mixture of envy, embarrassment, and fear.
Sandy carefully placed Ryan down on the bed. Unlike Seth, he didn’t immediately lay down. Instead, he sat strait up, nervously looking around.
Kirsten patted the space between her and Seth. “Lie down, honey.”
“ You’d better hurry up and claim that spot. Seth prefers sleeping next to Kirsten rather than me. He has this strange idea that I snore.”
Kirsten cleared her throat and grinned at her husband.
He returned the smile. “Well, maybe I do, but he kicks.”
Ryan felt himself relax. He never understood why, but his foster parents’ playful teasing always made him feel better. Slowly, he laid down and curled himself into a ball next to Kirsten.
She began to rub his back, and whispered softly, “Sweet dreams, honey.”
“Sleep well and don’t worry, kid. We’re here.”
“I know.” He burrowed in closer to Kirsten. He mumbled a sleepy “G’night”, before falling fast asleep, completely unaware of the storm that still raged outside.

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“Rise and shine! Riiiiiise and shiiiiiine!”
“Please, Seth. It’s only six in the morning. Go back to sleep,” pleaded a drowsy Sandy.

Seth started jumping up and down on his father’s chest. “But Dad. I’m starving. I want pancakes, pretty please. But only if Mom doesn’t make them.”
Sandy sighed. “Okay. Okay. Pancakes it is. But you have to pay a price!” He lifted Seth high in the air, before throwing him back down on the bed and began to mercilessly tickle his son.
“Please, no more. I give. I give.” Seth could barely speak he was giggling so hard. Tears of laughter were streaming down his face.
Ryan jerked awake. Somebody was hurting Seth. He stood up, ready to defend him.
“Stop!” he yelled.
Both Sandy and Seth looked at him surprised. Kirsten woke up with a start.
“Ryan, sweetie, what’s the matter?”
“Don’t tell him to stop,” Seth said, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I haven’t gotten my revenge yet.”
Ryan didn’t understand what was going on. He was sure when he woke up, he had heard Seth practically begging his dad to stop whatever he was doing. Whenever Ryan used to ask his mom’s boyfriends to stop, he always meant it.
“Kid, it’s a game. Everything’s fine and everybody’s okay.”
“Yeah, Ryan. This is what we Cohen men call a tickle battle. I was just letting Dad think he was winning. Then I was going to launch my attack. Only I know the bushy-eyed one’s weak spot.” Seth laughed and poked his dad in the ribs.
“Why did you ask him to stop, then?” asked a perplexed Ryan.
“It’s totally part of the game!”
“He wasn’t hurting you?”
“No, goofy. It’s a game. Dad would never hurt me...or you.” He looked at Ryan confused. Sometimes he just didn’t understand his new brother at all. He was so smart in some ways, but there were times he just didn’t seem to know some pretty simple stuff.
Ryan looked away. “Yeah. Sure, I knew that.”
“Really? Because you don’t act like it sometimes. You hardly ever talk about your old family. Where they mean or something? Your mom was pretty scary looking that day she showed up at school.”
“Take that back!” Ryan snapped. “Don’t you say anything bad about my mom.” He lunged for Seth.
Sandy grabbed a hold of Ryan around the waist. “Hold on there, Ryan. Seth didn’t mean anything by it. Seth, I think you should apologize for insulting Ryan’s mother.”
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I didn’t mean to make you mad. I won’t ever say anything bad about her again. I promise. Please don’t be mad at me.”
Ryan didn’t answer. He stubbornly looked down, clutching his dad’s wifebeater.
“You know what?” Sandy asked with forced cheerfulness. “I’ve just decided that we’re on a mission. A mission to make breakfast for your mother without burning down the house. I say we have blueberry pancakes for Seth, Chocolate chip for Ryan, we need some bacon for your mother, and of course, we have to throw in a few schmeared bagels for yours truly.”
He scooped Seth up and swung him on his back and held his hand out to Ryan. Ryan didn’t make a move to take it.
“Come on, kid. You can’t stay mad when you have the chance to have pancakes. Reluctantly, Ryan took hold of Sandy’s hand and slowly scooted himself off the bed. Sandy gave him a huge grin.
“All right, Chefs, let’s go!”

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“That’s the best breakfast I’ve ever had! Congratulations to the Chefs,” said Kirsten, happy to be rewarded by Seth and Ryan’s smiles. Ryan’s resentment had quickly vanished and he had helped Seth and Sandy to cook the breakfast.
“Oh, and Ryan, we need to write your letter to Santa. Seth mailed his the day after Thanksgiving.” Kirsten began to plan the best time to sneak out of the house and buy the boys’ presents.
“That was just the first draft, Mom. He’s gotten a new letter every week since then.” Kirsten ruffled her son’s hair fondly. “That’s good to know, sweetie. I’m sure Santa appreciates the extremely wide selection of toys you give him to choose from every year.”
Ryan rolled his eyes at Seth. “Why do you bother? There’s no point in it. Everyone knows there’s no such thing as Santa.”
“What are you talking about? Of course there’s a Santa. There’s pictures of him everywhere. You know the guy in the red suit, the one who looks like he needs to hit the gym a bit harder.”
Kirsten and Sandy looked at each other uncomfortably. They each knew that since Seth had started school the time for Santa would soon becoming to an end, but they hadn’t even considered that Ryan, a year younger, would already not believe in him.
“I know what Santa looks like, Seth, but I’m telling you the guy isn’t real. He sure never bothered to show up at my house.”
Ryan remembered back to the year before. It was Christmas Eve. His dad was in prison and his mom was passed out on the couch. She had just gotten fired from another job for never showing up. Ryan had been pestering Trey to help him get the fake tree from the closet and help him put it up.
“Hurry up, Trey. We’ve got to get the tree up before we go to bed.”
“Why bother, little brother?”
“Because if we don’t have a tree Santa won’t leave us any presents. Do you think he’ll be mad that we don’t have any milk and cookies? I asked Mom to buy some, but she said we didn’t have any money to waste on crap like that.”
“Listen, Ryan. I’m going to give it to you straight. Better you find out now, then tomorrow when there’s no presents.”
“What are do mean no presents? I’ve been really good. I’ve tried really hard to not make Mom mad at me. Are your worried because you got sent home from school last week for fighting? I’m sure Santa will understand and know that kid was asking for it, just like you said.”
Trey sighed and rolled his eyes. “The kid was asking for it, but that’s not the point. You can’t be a baby forever Ryan. You need to know the truth. Santa is just some guy the toy stores made up so people would buy a bunch of crap for their kids. And with Mom out of work again, there ain’t going to be any toys tomorrow, because there ain’t any money.” He looked at their mother on the couch “Of course, there always seems to be enough money for her booze and her cigarettes,” he added sarcastically. Ryan had started to cry and Trey put his arm around him. “I’m sorry, Little Bro. I wish there was a Santa, but there’s just not. If there was, I’d wish for a new home for the both of us.” He started guiding his little brother into the other room. “Come on, if we’re lucky, maybe we’ll sleep through tomorrow.”
“So who puts the presents under the tree, if there’s no Santa Claus? Huh? Answer that one Mr. Smartie-pants.”
Seth’s voice jolted Ryan back to the present.
“Your parents. Think about it, Seth. If they weren’t the ones to buy the presents, why would all the toy stores have all those commercials on television all day long?”
“I don’t know. I just kind of figured it was for the kids who were rotten that year and their folks knew Santa wasn’t coming, and they felt sorry for them.”
Sandy felt sick. They should have realized that Ryan didn’t have any happy memories of the holidays. But for a five year old child to be so disenchanted? It was more than Sandy could stand. He wanted Ryan to be just like Seth this holiday season. He wanted Ryan to barely be able to sleep on Christmas Eve because he didn’t want to miss Santa. He wanted Ryan to run down the steps Christmas morning to a mountain of gifts he didn’t need and have them all opened in five minutes. He wanted them all to have a very merry Christmas. One they would never forget, because it was Ryan’s first Christmas with them.
“I still can’t believe it,” Seth said, while shaking his head in disbelief. “I just can’t believe there’s no Santa. I thought he was just as great as Superman. I mean, I know he needs his reindeer to fly, but still...”
“You do that he’s not real either, don’t you?”
“I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just say that.” Suddenly, Seth looked at his parents. “So if there’s no Santa, are we still going to celebrate Christmas? We have to celebrate. If you’re the ones who buy my presents, then you’ve probably already got them all. Haven’t you? You’re not going to take them back just because I know the truth, are you? I’ll be the only kid in my class who got zilch this year. I’ll be the laughing stock of the first grade.” He put his head down on the kitchen table.
“Settle down, son.” Sandy patted him on the back. “You’ll still get presents and so will Ryan. However, you do need to realize that not everyone celebrates Christmas. Remember, when you talk to The Na-Na on the phone she always wishes you a Happy Hanukkah, instead of Merry Christmas.”
“Oh, yeah. Why does she do that again?”
“Hanukkah is the story of a great victory of the Jews over the Syrian-Greeks. Years and years ago, Jewish people called the Maccabees managed to drive the Syrian army out of Jerusalem and reclaim their temple. You see that just over the chimney. It’s called a menorah. After the Maccabees reclaimed the temple there was only enough oil to burn for one day, but it lasted for eight days.”
“Is that why there are places for eight candles?”
“Exactly.” Sandy smiled proudly at his son. “That’s the miracle of Hanukkah, and why people of the Jewish faith celebrate Hanukkah for eight days.”
“That’s pretty awesome, Dad. I liked the part how the Maccabees totally kicked some Syrian butt. I always knew our people were a strong bunch.”
“Seth, don’t say butt,” warned Kirsten.
“Your mother’s right, you shouldn’t say that...but they did.” He winked at Seth. “And you’re right about your ancestors. The story of Hanukkah is all about heroes and bravery. It took courage to fight against...
Sandy kept telling the story. Seth was asking questions while Ryan was carefully listening to his foster father.
“That’s really cool,” Seth told his father after the story is finished. “And you know what else is cool? Since you’re Jewish and Mom is Christian, that means I get both holidays. Wait a minute.” He held up his hand. “I just got a fantastic idea.”
“Dare we ask?” Sandy questioned as he looked at his wife.
“Since the whole Santa conspiracy is out of the bag, and like I’ve already said, we need to celebrate both holidays. Let’s combine them. I’m a genius! We’ll have eight days of
presents. That’ll be for the Jewish half of me, Dad. Followed by one day of many, many presents, for Mom’s half of the holiday. Now to come up with a name. Thinking...thinking...” He tapped his head as if deep in thought. “Christmas-Hannukkah...Hannukkah-Christmas...no those are too long. I’ve got it! We’ll call it...Chrismukkah.”
“Chrismukkah?”
“Just hearing you say it makes me feel all festive. But I’m still hurt that Santa doesn’t exist.”
Sandy shook his head and laughed. “I think you’ll get over it. Let’s just forget about that, and start celebrating Chrismukkah.”
“Chrismukkah is now and forever the greatest super holiday,” concluded Seth.

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Ryan watched Seth with a look of complete awe. Seth was sitting under the tree, ripping open his presents so quickly that the room looked liked it was snowing wrapping paper.
A brand new blue bike with a gigantic bow was standing under the Christmas tree. It was the greatest bike he had ever seen. He really hoped Seth would let him ride it sometimes.
“Ryan, do you like your bike?” Kirsten asked. She came up and put her arm around him.
“My bike?”
Ryan swallowed hard. It couldn’t be. It was too good to be true.
“Yes, honey. If you don’t like the color we can get a different one. But I thought blue was your favorite. It is, isn’t it?”
“Yeah…thanks…It’s so great…I love it…thank you so much.” Ryan walked towards the bike, and slowly reached out to touch it. He was still afraid it all might be a dream. That if he touched the bike it would disappear and he would wake up.
“I got a red bike last year. It’s in the garage. I don’t ride it much, because there was never anyone to ride with. Now we can go together. But I got to warn you, Mom will make us wear those geeky helmets. You do know how to ride, don’t you?”
“Sure. Our neighbor Arturo, he’s one of Trey’s friends, he let me have his old bike when he got too big for it. But this one is a lot nicer and it’s brand new. I’ve never gotten anything that cost so much, brand new before.”
Ryan slowly touched the black seat, the shiny handlebars…it was the perfect size, the perfect bike.
Seth came up and shook his arm. “Ryan, dude, come on. Your bike’s cool, but you’ve got a ton of other stuff to open. I want to see what you got.” A huge grin began to form on his face. “You know what? I just thought of something. If you got different stuff than me, it’ll be like we each got double the presents. Man, I love having a brother!”
“Ryan.” Sandy came up behind his two sons. “Seth’s right. This whole pile of presents is for you. Merry Chrismukkah, kid.”
Ryan still looked hesitant to let go of his new bike.
“I tell you what. Let’s not torture Seth any longer. He’s a bit short on patience. If you want, after you’re done opening all your other gifts, we can go outside and you can ride your new bike in the driveway.”
“Can I?”
“Sure, kid. Let’s start with your stocking.”

Sandy gave Ryan a boost and helped him take his stocking down from the mantel.
Kirsten silently cursed the phone when it began to ring. She didn’t want to miss one second of her family’s first Chrismukkah.
When she came back, Ryan and Seth were eating a candy cane from their stocking and Sandy was kneeling in front of the VCR.
“Sandy, I’ve just got you another present for Chrismukkah,” grinned Kirsten.
“A brand new VCR?”
“No. There’s nothing wrong with this one. It works perfectly. This is much bigger. Guess who’s back from Europe and wants us to visit him?”
“No.” Sandy looked horror stricken. “Not your father. I was so hoping he’d want to stay in Europe. We’ve had him all these years. I think it’s time to spread the joy of that which is Caleb Nichol to other countries. It’s only fair.”
“Smart ass!” She swatted him playfully on the shoulder. “What about this afternoon?”
“Why so soon? Is it because he has to leave again?” Sandy asked hopefully.
“We’re his family. The only one he has right now, with Hailey off to boarding school and not wanting to come home. Besides, he needs to meet Ryan.”
Sandy moaned, “I think it’s too soon.”
“For you or for Ryan?”
“Both…”
“It’s only for one afternoon. You can play nice for that long.”
“I can, but can he?”
“Sandy!” Kirsten warned.
“I don’t have a choice, do I”
“No, you don’t.”
“Oh, all right, but you owe me...big time. Before the torture begins, let’s say we start a new tradition. When I was a kid, since we didn’t celebrate Christmas, we sat around and watched movies. I’d like to incorporate that into our uber-holiday. So what do you say, boys? Do you want The Jungle Book or The Lion King?”

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The maid ushered Kirsten, Sandy, and the two boys into the living room. “Mr. Nichol will be with you shortly.”
A few minutes later, Caleb walked in the room. He was casually dressed in a polo and sport coat.
“Kiki, I’ve missed you.” Caleb leaned down and kissed his daughter’s cheek, before heading to the bar. “Can I get you a drink,” he asked as he poured himself one.
“No thank you. I’ve missed you too, Dad. How was Europe?”
“Business as usual. We can talk about that later. Now, I want to see my grandson. Seth, look at you. You’ve grown, but I still don’t think we’re going to have a football player in our family.” He walked over to Seth, with his arms outstretched.
“No, don’t hurt him!”
The three adults watched in astonishment, as Ryan pushed Seth behind him and put up his arms in an attempt at self defense.
“Kike, what’s the matter with the boy. You warned me that he was a little wary around men, but this is an entirely different than what you lead me to believe. Is there something seriously wrong with him?”
“No, Dad, there’s nothing wrong with him. He’s just scared.” She moved closer to Ryan. “Ryan, honey, it’s ok. This is my father, Seth’s grandfather. He would never hurt him.”
Ryan, still keeping Seth behind him, backed closer to the wall.
She turned towards Sandy, wordlessly looking for help.
Sandy had been trying to figure out what could have set Ryan off. Caleb certainly wasn’t your typical grandfatherly type, but he there was no denying the fact that he loved Seth... in his own way.
Sandy knelt down in front of Ryan. “Everything’s ok, Ryan. Caleb he’s...he’s really nice.” He was barely able to choke out the words. “You don’t need to be afraid of him. He just looks like a stuffy old codger.”
Caleb didn’t even comment on Sandy’s remark. He was truly concerned about the boy Kirsten had brought into her home. He’d had his doubts when she had first told him about the child. He had feared that she’d inherited her mother’s too soft heart. But now he was beginning to see why Kirsten was so determined to help the boy.
From what Kirsten had told him, he had gathered Ryan hadn’t had a happy childhood, thus far. Caleb could relate to that. His own memories of his boyhood were certainly not fond ones. He had left home to make his fortune at a very early age. However, he had never been afraid growing up, and this child was obviously terrified of him. The boy had yet to take his eyes off of him since he had walked in the room. No, that wasn’t right, he hadn’t seemed to be frightened until he had gotten a drink.
Sandy tried to move closer to Ryan, but he only backed further away.
“Everything’s going to be fine. Don’t worry. Nobody’s going to hurt you and nobody’s going hurt Seth.”
“He’s gonna…he’s gonna…he’s…”
“It’s okay, kid. Just calm down.”
"Sandy, he’s hyperventilating," Kirsten realized as Ryan’s breath became more labored and his eyes began to glaze over.
She started to talk to him soothingly. "Honey? I need you to take a couple of deep breaths.
She sat on the floor next to him and pulled him onto her lap. She began to stroke his hair and tried to get him to concentrate on breathing, with the hope of keeping him from losing consciousness.
"Take deep breaths and calm down. You can do it…"
Ryan struggled to catch his breath. Suddenly he threw up, his eyes roll back slightly and he went limp.
“Ryan, Ryan,” called Kirsten softly while patting his foster son’s cheek slightly. Caleb exited the room in a hurry and came back with a wet washcloth he gave to his daughter. Kirsten gently wiped Ryan’s face.
“Ryan, sweetie, open up your eyes. It’s okay, Ryan, we’re here. Open your eyes.”
After what seemed like a lifetime, Ryan slowly opened his eyes.
“What...what happened?” He tried to sit up. “Is Seth okay?”
“I’m right here, buddy,” Seth said with forced cheerfulness.
“See? Seth is right here, sweetie. We’re all right here with you. You had a panic attack. It’s over now, and you’re going to be just fine.” Kirsten rocked him in her arms.
“I’ll go get him a clean shirt. I believe Seth left one here the last time he was over to go swimming.” Caleb turned to his grandson. “Seth, why don’t you come with me?”
Seth followed his grandfather. “He’s not gonna die, is he?”
“Of course not. He’s beginning to look better already. Come on, I have something to show you that should make you both feel better.”
Sandy took Ryan by the hand and helped him stand. Then, he and Kirsten led the still shaken boy to the couch.
“Ryan, sweetie, can you tell us what happened? What made you so scared of my father?”
Ryan closed his eyes tight. Tears escaped from under eyelids, and streaked down his face.
“Ryan, talk to me. Please, honey.”
“Don’t you understand?” Ryan opened his eyes and looked at them. “He’s going to get really mad. Didn’t you see him?”
Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a concerned look over the top of Ryan’s head.
“See him do what, kid?”
Ryan raised an unsteady hand had pointed at the bar. “He’s gonna drink that stuff and then he’s gonna get really mean. They all do. You shouldn’t have let Seth go with him. He’s probably already angry with Seth. He might hurt him.”
“Honey, not everyone gets mean when they drink. Sandy and I both drink wine on occasion and we’re not mean are we?”
Ryan thought this over for a moment. He had never seen either one of his foster parents drink. “No. But Mr. Nichol already looked mean and he hadn’t even drunk anything yet.”
Sandy tried his best not to laugh.
Kirsten glared at her husband. “He’s not mean, honey. I promise. He’s just...” She searched for the right word.
“Want me to help, honey?” Sandy asked with a devilish grin.
“No,” she stated in no uncertain terms, before returning her attention back to Ryan. “I know that sometimes some people get mean when they drink a lot. That has to do with that sickness that we’ve talked about. However, some people can even drink a whole big bunch and still not get mean. Some people get silly and others get really sleepy and make their wives drive them home.” She looked pointedly at Sandy. “But you don’t need to worry about any of that. No one in this family could ever hurt you or Seth even if they drank an entire ocean of alcohol.”
“She’s right, kid. Nothing in this world would make us hurt you. You need to realize that grown-ups can drink without yelling or hitting. There are going to be times when you have to go to a party with us and you’ll see Kirsten and I, and, Caleb, and the other adults drinking...some, not a lot. But we will be drinking and I don’t want you to ever be scared. Okay? Can you understand what we’re trying to tell you?”
“I think so.”
“Good. I know it’s hard, but things are different here.”
Caleb and Seth entered the room.
Seth eyed at Ryan cautiously . “Do you feel better now?” he asked hesitantly.
“Yeah. I do.”
Seth broke out into a huge grin. “Good, because Grandpa just bought us the coolest remote control toy boy boat for the pool. It’s huge.”
“Kiki, here’s that clean shirt.” Caleb eyed Ryan up. “Are you sure you’re all right, young man?”
Ryan nodded shyly.
“Good. As soon as your changed, why don’t you and Seth go on outside by the pool? I’ll have the maid bring you some snacks. You two can play with the boat I bought Seth...I mean you boys. Next time I’ll be sure to buy something for each of you.”
“That’s okay, sir,” Ryan said. He was looking down, still not sure enough of this man to look at him. “I don’t mind sharing.”
“Dude, you have so much to learn when it comes to grandparents.”
Kirsten laughed at Seth and began to help Ryan into his clean shirt.
Caleb’s eyes widened when he saw Ryan’s back. As soon as the boys were safely out of earshot he turned to Kirsten and Sandy.
“Kiki, you told me he came from a troubled homelife. You didn’t tell me he was abused. The back of that boy is covered with scars. Who’s the bastard that did that to him?”
“His mother’s boyfriends and his father before them. Jake, the last boyfriend, beat him so bad he was hospitalized. That’s when social services finally stepped in and took him away from her.”
“I hope the son of a bitch is rotting in jail.”
“His father is, but not Jake. The last we heard he and Ryan’s mother may be heading to Mexico.”
“May they both choke on their chiclets.” He turned to Sandy. “So what’s the boy’s mother’s story? Why is she such a mess?”
“She’s an alcoholic and a junkie. We thought she was out of the picture, but she showed up at the boys’ school a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to tell Ryan that she was
leaving. At some point in the conversation she convinced Ryan that if he wasn’t always on his best behavior we would desert him too. Naturally, he took it very hard. We had to go to school and take him to the hospital. He was...he was hurting himself. In the hospital, he begged Kirsten not to abandon him. It broke both our hearts. We thought he was adjusting more than he was. We’ve got him and us in therapy. It’s slow progress, but he is getting better.”
“I admit I was not pleased when you called me and informed me that you needed to work part-time, Kiki. But I understand now. You need to there for the boy...for both your children. Who’s his psychiatrist?”
“Dr. Thomas Folding.”
“A male doctor? Are you sure it’s a good choice?”
“Neil Roberts told us about him. He has helped his daughter after her mother left, he’s a really good psychiatrist. And even if he’s still wary around men, Ryan is doing really better and he began to trust Doctor Folding. ”
“If you say so.” Caleb nodded then asked in a serious tone. “Are sure that he is really going to be okay?”
“We’re doing everything we can for him.”

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Sandy looked in the rearview mirror to see two boys slumped down in their booster seats. Each child had their head resting on the window. “Looks like they’re both asleep.”
“It’s been a long day,” Kirsten sighed.
Sandy slowly opened Seth’s door, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy. As soon as he unbuckled him Seth barely opened his eyes and wrapped his arms around his father’s neck. “That was fun. Let’s do it again,” he muttered groggily.
“Sure thing, son.” Sandy rubbed Seth’s back, lulling him back to sleep.
The second Kirsten opened the door, Ryan woke up with a start and looked at her terrified.
“Sweetie, it’s okay,” she reassured. “We’re home. You fell asleep in the car, honey.” She lifted him from the car and started carrying towards the house.
Ryan nodded slowly, then rested his head in the crook of Kirsten’s neck and closed his eyes.
“I can trust you. You won’t ever drink too much and hurt me. You keep me safe,” he murmured.
“That’s right, sweetie. Sandy and I love you and we’ll protect you. Don’t have to worry anymore.”