Fuck up
So things worked out with Chas. Which gave me 24 hours of exhiliration.
Then Satch dies. Guilt. Anger. Fear. I'm so pissed at Renee, I'm so pissed at Bev. But I blame me more than I blame them. Ishowed her him and his problems. I showed her him again. I wrote information down. I kept tabs on him during the day. I tried. HOWEVER. I did not call Bev. I did not call Cindy. I didn't know to do those things...I did not look at his gums.
Could I have saved him?
Stress is mounting and nothing is getting done. Poor Chas just sat on the phone with me for an hour and twenty minutes while I related how much is on my mind. I won't be getting over any of it until I actually push it aside and deal. Academics and now life...all stress. "So why didn't you start on your papers earlier?" When haven't I been locked in my room for four hours straight every night trying to keep up on reading and still getting behind. When do I have a weekend to do homework?
Did I kill him?
Fuck me.
Then Satch dies. Guilt. Anger. Fear. I'm so pissed at Renee, I'm so pissed at Bev. But I blame me more than I blame them. Ishowed her him and his problems. I showed her him again. I wrote information down. I kept tabs on him during the day. I tried. HOWEVER. I did not call Bev. I did not call Cindy. I didn't know to do those things...I did not look at his gums.
Could I have saved him?
Stress is mounting and nothing is getting done. Poor Chas just sat on the phone with me for an hour and twenty minutes while I related how much is on my mind. I won't be getting over any of it until I actually push it aside and deal. Academics and now life...all stress. "So why didn't you start on your papers earlier?" When haven't I been locked in my room for four hours straight every night trying to keep up on reading and still getting behind. When do I have a weekend to do homework?
Did I kill him?
Fuck me.