Wild horses...couldn't drag me away...
An update to my life story. Oh the drama that surrounds me.
Alright. When we last left off with our band of intrepid adventurers, Karla was seeking advice on a certain Mel guy in Philly. Let's pop in and see how she has come around.
Well Mr. Mel never called me again. I sent a few voice mails and a few emails and never got a response. We saw where his loyalties were at that point. I sent him a yahoo greeting with one of those 'notify sender when card is picked up' notices and poured out a stream of semi-conscious blatherings about responsibility and truth and having balls enough to tell a girl it's over rather than stringing her along. Whatever. No skin off my nose. He lost his chance. I am rather proud of one particular line though. "I hope you find peace and happiness in life, Mel...but I will let you know that you are never going to find a woman that would have treated you and loved you as much as I would have. You sure as hell are not going to find one better than me." Arrogant? Maybe. But it's true.
So we pass by that episode of my love life. Let's all wave folks. Please remember to keep your hands inside the boat please.
So I went back and tossed my profile back up on BBWplus.com or whatever it is. I got a few psychos emailing me on occassion but I pretty much ignore them and have since forgotten pretty much the whole deal. There was a 52 year old guy who ...well...is filthy rich and spends 6 months out of the year on his yacht off the coast of Gambia, Africa and wanted me to come with. He was a sweetheart...but...meh. For love or money...which one truly weighs more when all is said and done?
So I go back to doing my thing. Playing World of Warcraft. Well...because...I'm a geek. Yeah.
And lo and behold....I become the focus of attention to a few people. Here is where my life gets interesting. *heavy sigh and clings to pillow* Ok...so here goes. Yeah this post is gonna be huge. My apologies.
So my friend I was RPing with on Alliance side and I decide we are gonna go Horde side cause roleplaying is pretty much dead...we thought...Alliance side. We play a husband and wife on our main characters and decided the new ones would have a blossoming romance as well. We work well together and there was no real life connection or anything. We liked it like that. So I come over and I find an old friend of mine...Shadris. Bran and him had a brief 'thing' for a little bit but then he up and dissappeared on her. I chalked it up to a loss but I was always kinda infatuated with him. Something exciting and eccentric about him that made me want him. I dunno. Animal magnetism? I suppose.
Well I find him and he says he is playing Hordeside as well and making a guild. I get all happy and tell my RP partner as we are new and hook up with the guild. Alright. So there we are all settled and junk. I meet a few people at a tavern and we are roleplaying. Shadris being one of them...and another one, Wallo.
(*pauses for a damned good song. Soundgarden - Day I tried to Live* ....man...he is hot. Anyways..)
Ok so Wallo gets all "hey how YOU doin?" with my character in a rather semi lecherous but all out comedic performance with my character. It amused me so I played along and we had a great time. All the while I am talking out of character with my friend Shade. So I start hanging out with these guys since my RP partner, Malrith, isn't always around.
Long story short...Wallo and Shade both take a liking to me. Like...simultaneously. WTF right? All this shit I have been going through and now they are coming out of the woodwork. Go figure. Wallo came first. He was so damned sweet and kind and romantic and soft spoken when talking to me. I mean...the guy is a cut up and I adore him completely. But he is getting out of a divorce as well and wants to move achingly slow. Anyone who knows me...knows I rarely move slow except when actually walking. Short legs. I can't help it.
That disappointed me a little. But then Shade pops up and shows interest. This gave me chills all over, let me tell you. He is so handsome...and sweet when not being an asshole. ;) But he is so good at it! >.>
I don't know...something about him drives me wild. So here I have two guys "falling for me" (yes that is a direct quote) at the exact same time. And I am stuck making a decision. Go me. WTF right? How the hell do I get into these messes. Not like I was throwing myself around or anything. Hell...I hardly EVER do that and half the time it's in jest or just messing around. I truly don't understand. So I toss a few tests out. Yeah...I'm a girl. I do tests. Deal with it, babies. I sent them both my pictures to test reactions. I mean. I'm a large woman. Guys tend to do that. 'honoes! push her back in!!' thing when they see the pictures so I figured I would at least narrow it down to one guy. But no. They are both still actively interested. Shade even more so. At this point I was just sorta blinking at the screen. No, really.
Well..they both knew I was talking to the both of them. I don't play that game. Deception and lies are meant for bippytwat bimbos who can afford to break hearts and look like an asshat. Games are for children. I may toss a test out here and there...but I don't play games. Except roleplaying ones...with dice...and stuff.
At this point I spoke with both frankly. I talked to Wallo first. His statement...which meant a great deal to me... "I will always be your friend and stand by you no matter what you decide. And I will be here, waiting, when you figure out what you want. Even if it's not me." I mean wow...how sweet is that, right? He is a damned good friend. But still did not want to move fast. Didn't want to come see me. He is only 4 hours away. *shrugs*
I talk to Kevin (Shade) next. His response? "I don't compete. I will back down before I have to compete for something." While very direct and to the point....it drove home. Kind of made my decision for me. Wallo wasn't ready for a relationship. I am. Kevin obviously is or he wouldn't be chasing me so hard...which he is.
So Kevin and I began talking more and more. Created characters together, started playing SecondLife again, my main characters even left my old RP partner for him. Kevin, the playboy that he is...also dropped all his sexual RP with others for me. And he was a hell of a playboy too. Needless to say, I pissed some girls off. I don't know if he understands how much that meant to me. I don't know if he ever will.
Well I had a three day weekend this weekend. And I decided I was going to go visit him. Kevin lives in Louisville, Kentucky. I flew out to see him. Let me give some background on him. Kevin is a hillbilly. Highly intelligent and charismatic hillbilly. Handsome as all hell and damned sexah. He is a mechanic and works in shipping for appliances and what not. He is an amazing writer and artist. He tends to exaggerate some. Perhaps a self conscious thing wanting people to like him. Maybe one day he will realize how much I truly adore him for who he is...not what he has accomplished or the stories he tells of his online adventures or childhood.
Yeah, I'm in love with him. And he is in love with me. I'm wearing an old ring of his he bought a long time ago that he used to wear. Funny how it fit my right ring finger perfectly. We have so much in common and can sit and have actual intelligent conversations about damned near anything. You have no idea how happy that makes me. He wants me to move to Kentucky to be with him. And said he loves me. I'm his girl. Makes me smile and get all twitterpated every time I think about it.
I am a little scared to make the jump. Such a drastic change in scenery. I mean...going from Providence to Louisville is a major jump in economy. I wouldn't be making nearly what I can here. We would be living with his mother for awhile. That bothers me a teency bit. He knows it does. But at the same time..he never had the bond with his mother growing up that he has now. He wants to make sure she is ok. Tehre is something to be said for that kind of devotion. She wouldn't make it on her own with her income. He knows that. He's a good man. I love him. He tends to think otherwise. I mean...he is not golden by some peoples standards I guess. But they can all choke on it. He hides his self consciousness well. But I know him better than that. He has sexy tatoos :) He also kinda had to get his teeth removed because they were causing problems. I don't mind but I think he does a bit. I'm sure my family would have something to say about it. But they are wealthy...of course they would.
So I have to ask myself...for love or money? Which one weighs more? Which will make me happier? We all know the answer. I love him. I really do. If he asked me to marry him I would probably say yes. Scarey, huh? Scared of the fact I just wrote those words out. Even more scared of the fact he will eventually read them. Oh well. I am not editing this at all since I am just letting my heart pour out. Honesty is always better than kept secrets.
I want to move out there. I think I have made that up in my mind. I am going to piss a lot of people off. Matthew will be livid. He has been trying to talk me down off this kick ever since he found out who I was dating. HE says Kevin is unstable. Kevin is pretty wild, I will admit that upfront. But he has calmed down considerably. And I know for a fact he wouldn't risk our relationship for anything.
So now what? What do I do now? Wallo still talks to me...he wants me still. I have to tell him when I see him next how the trip went. I know I'll break his heart. I hate that. You have no idea how much I hate that. But I can't be stringing people along. Even though he knows I am dating Kevin. I think he was still hanging on to some hope that Kevin and I wouldn't work out. I also think he knows better. Meh
Leaving Kevin this morning was so damned hard. I cried. I tried to keep it in for so long. But it came out anyways. I wore my crystal all night long, charging it up with my energies. Slept with it, wore it while we held eachother in bed. (no we didn't have sex...almost...but not quite) He held me close and was stronger than I. Telling me I would be back, and that it wasn't goodbye. But it hurt so much...
I watched him from the window inside the airport. He sat in the car for awhile. I don't know what he was doing...but I sat there with my hand against the window, crying. I felt like my heart was heavy and breaking. I miss him so much already. I watched him drive away. A part of me wanted him to come inside and pull me back to the car...telling me not to go. But he had to go to work. He's responsible like that. A good strong work ethic and said he would take care of me as best he could. I believe him. I truly do.
I am going to start making plans to get my life in order and move to be with him. I believe this is the right thing to do...
Alright. When we last left off with our band of intrepid adventurers, Karla was seeking advice on a certain Mel guy in Philly. Let's pop in and see how she has come around.
Well Mr. Mel never called me again. I sent a few voice mails and a few emails and never got a response. We saw where his loyalties were at that point. I sent him a yahoo greeting with one of those 'notify sender when card is picked up' notices and poured out a stream of semi-conscious blatherings about responsibility and truth and having balls enough to tell a girl it's over rather than stringing her along. Whatever. No skin off my nose. He lost his chance. I am rather proud of one particular line though. "I hope you find peace and happiness in life, Mel...but I will let you know that you are never going to find a woman that would have treated you and loved you as much as I would have. You sure as hell are not going to find one better than me." Arrogant? Maybe. But it's true.
So we pass by that episode of my love life. Let's all wave folks. Please remember to keep your hands inside the boat please.
So I went back and tossed my profile back up on BBWplus.com or whatever it is. I got a few psychos emailing me on occassion but I pretty much ignore them and have since forgotten pretty much the whole deal. There was a 52 year old guy who ...well...is filthy rich and spends 6 months out of the year on his yacht off the coast of Gambia, Africa and wanted me to come with. He was a sweetheart...but...meh. For love or money...which one truly weighs more when all is said and done?
So I go back to doing my thing. Playing World of Warcraft. Well...because...I'm a geek. Yeah.
And lo and behold....I become the focus of attention to a few people. Here is where my life gets interesting. *heavy sigh and clings to pillow* Ok...so here goes. Yeah this post is gonna be huge. My apologies.
So my friend I was RPing with on Alliance side and I decide we are gonna go Horde side cause roleplaying is pretty much dead...we thought...Alliance side. We play a husband and wife on our main characters and decided the new ones would have a blossoming romance as well. We work well together and there was no real life connection or anything. We liked it like that. So I come over and I find an old friend of mine...Shadris. Bran and him had a brief 'thing' for a little bit but then he up and dissappeared on her. I chalked it up to a loss but I was always kinda infatuated with him. Something exciting and eccentric about him that made me want him. I dunno. Animal magnetism? I suppose.
Well I find him and he says he is playing Hordeside as well and making a guild. I get all happy and tell my RP partner as we are new and hook up with the guild. Alright. So there we are all settled and junk. I meet a few people at a tavern and we are roleplaying. Shadris being one of them...and another one, Wallo.
(*pauses for a damned good song. Soundgarden - Day I tried to Live* ....man...he is hot. Anyways..)
Ok so Wallo gets all "hey how YOU doin?" with my character in a rather semi lecherous but all out comedic performance with my character. It amused me so I played along and we had a great time. All the while I am talking out of character with my friend Shade. So I start hanging out with these guys since my RP partner, Malrith, isn't always around.
Long story short...Wallo and Shade both take a liking to me. Like...simultaneously. WTF right? All this shit I have been going through and now they are coming out of the woodwork. Go figure. Wallo came first. He was so damned sweet and kind and romantic and soft spoken when talking to me. I mean...the guy is a cut up and I adore him completely. But he is getting out of a divorce as well and wants to move achingly slow. Anyone who knows me...knows I rarely move slow except when actually walking. Short legs. I can't help it.
That disappointed me a little. But then Shade pops up and shows interest. This gave me chills all over, let me tell you. He is so handsome...and sweet when not being an asshole. ;) But he is so good at it! >.>
I don't know...something about him drives me wild. So here I have two guys "falling for me" (yes that is a direct quote) at the exact same time. And I am stuck making a decision. Go me. WTF right? How the hell do I get into these messes. Not like I was throwing myself around or anything. Hell...I hardly EVER do that and half the time it's in jest or just messing around. I truly don't understand. So I toss a few tests out. Yeah...I'm a girl. I do tests. Deal with it, babies. I sent them both my pictures to test reactions. I mean. I'm a large woman. Guys tend to do that. 'honoes! push her back in!!' thing when they see the pictures so I figured I would at least narrow it down to one guy. But no. They are both still actively interested. Shade even more so. At this point I was just sorta blinking at the screen. No, really.
Well..they both knew I was talking to the both of them. I don't play that game. Deception and lies are meant for bippytwat bimbos who can afford to break hearts and look like an asshat. Games are for children. I may toss a test out here and there...but I don't play games. Except roleplaying ones...with dice...and stuff.
At this point I spoke with both frankly. I talked to Wallo first. His statement...which meant a great deal to me... "I will always be your friend and stand by you no matter what you decide. And I will be here, waiting, when you figure out what you want. Even if it's not me." I mean wow...how sweet is that, right? He is a damned good friend. But still did not want to move fast. Didn't want to come see me. He is only 4 hours away. *shrugs*
I talk to Kevin (Shade) next. His response? "I don't compete. I will back down before I have to compete for something." While very direct and to the point....it drove home. Kind of made my decision for me. Wallo wasn't ready for a relationship. I am. Kevin obviously is or he wouldn't be chasing me so hard...which he is.
So Kevin and I began talking more and more. Created characters together, started playing SecondLife again, my main characters even left my old RP partner for him. Kevin, the playboy that he is...also dropped all his sexual RP with others for me. And he was a hell of a playboy too. Needless to say, I pissed some girls off. I don't know if he understands how much that meant to me. I don't know if he ever will.
Well I had a three day weekend this weekend. And I decided I was going to go visit him. Kevin lives in Louisville, Kentucky. I flew out to see him. Let me give some background on him. Kevin is a hillbilly. Highly intelligent and charismatic hillbilly. Handsome as all hell and damned sexah. He is a mechanic and works in shipping for appliances and what not. He is an amazing writer and artist. He tends to exaggerate some. Perhaps a self conscious thing wanting people to like him. Maybe one day he will realize how much I truly adore him for who he is...not what he has accomplished or the stories he tells of his online adventures or childhood.
Yeah, I'm in love with him. And he is in love with me. I'm wearing an old ring of his he bought a long time ago that he used to wear. Funny how it fit my right ring finger perfectly. We have so much in common and can sit and have actual intelligent conversations about damned near anything. You have no idea how happy that makes me. He wants me to move to Kentucky to be with him. And said he loves me. I'm his girl. Makes me smile and get all twitterpated every time I think about it.
I am a little scared to make the jump. Such a drastic change in scenery. I mean...going from Providence to Louisville is a major jump in economy. I wouldn't be making nearly what I can here. We would be living with his mother for awhile. That bothers me a teency bit. He knows it does. But at the same time..he never had the bond with his mother growing up that he has now. He wants to make sure she is ok. Tehre is something to be said for that kind of devotion. She wouldn't make it on her own with her income. He knows that. He's a good man. I love him. He tends to think otherwise. I mean...he is not golden by some peoples standards I guess. But they can all choke on it. He hides his self consciousness well. But I know him better than that. He has sexy tatoos :) He also kinda had to get his teeth removed because they were causing problems. I don't mind but I think he does a bit. I'm sure my family would have something to say about it. But they are wealthy...of course they would.
So I have to ask myself...for love or money? Which one weighs more? Which will make me happier? We all know the answer. I love him. I really do. If he asked me to marry him I would probably say yes. Scarey, huh? Scared of the fact I just wrote those words out. Even more scared of the fact he will eventually read them. Oh well. I am not editing this at all since I am just letting my heart pour out. Honesty is always better than kept secrets.
I want to move out there. I think I have made that up in my mind. I am going to piss a lot of people off. Matthew will be livid. He has been trying to talk me down off this kick ever since he found out who I was dating. HE says Kevin is unstable. Kevin is pretty wild, I will admit that upfront. But he has calmed down considerably. And I know for a fact he wouldn't risk our relationship for anything.
So now what? What do I do now? Wallo still talks to me...he wants me still. I have to tell him when I see him next how the trip went. I know I'll break his heart. I hate that. You have no idea how much I hate that. But I can't be stringing people along. Even though he knows I am dating Kevin. I think he was still hanging on to some hope that Kevin and I wouldn't work out. I also think he knows better. Meh
Leaving Kevin this morning was so damned hard. I cried. I tried to keep it in for so long. But it came out anyways. I wore my crystal all night long, charging it up with my energies. Slept with it, wore it while we held eachother in bed. (no we didn't have sex...almost...but not quite) He held me close and was stronger than I. Telling me I would be back, and that it wasn't goodbye. But it hurt so much...
I watched him from the window inside the airport. He sat in the car for awhile. I don't know what he was doing...but I sat there with my hand against the window, crying. I felt like my heart was heavy and breaking. I miss him so much already. I watched him drive away. A part of me wanted him to come inside and pull me back to the car...telling me not to go. But he had to go to work. He's responsible like that. A good strong work ethic and said he would take care of me as best he could. I believe him. I truly do.
I am going to start making plans to get my life in order and move to be with him. I believe this is the right thing to do...