Fic- Never Letting Go
Title: Never Letting Go
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Adult - sex and naughty words.
Spoilers: References to 2x8 A Day in the Death
Summary: After Ianto’s talk with Owen, Ianto reflects and helps Jack through.
Disclaimers: I own nothing!
Notes: Comments are Life!
It’s not like that. Me and Jack.
My words echo through me as I lie gazing at him. Jack. My Jack, I call him in secret moments in my own head. He owns me and I would do anything for him. He is all there is, all that matters in my own tiny world.
We’re in his bed and he’s stroking my skin. He doesn’t look at me, can’t look at me. If he did, I’d see the grief and the fear in his eyes for Owen and he doesn’t want me to see that, though I feel it too.
He grins at me, his eyes sliding to my cheek to avoid the eye contact. “I’m going to fuck you,” he whispers, lowering his head to press kisses on my stomach. This is what we do, Jack and Me. Owen’s right in a way; we shag to push everything else away.
I hold his shoulders as he settles between my legs. We know each other’s bodies so well. We can do this without thinking.
He frames my hips with his large hands and slowly pushes into me. His eyes flicker towards mine and I see the regret in them. I grin at him.
“You should have fucked me from behind, Jack.”
He winces and dips his head to bury his face in my shoulder as he pushes further inside me.
“Don’t do this. Don’t make me face it,” he murmurs into my skin.
My fingers travel over the tight skin on his back. He needs a massage again.
“You have to face it. Eventually.”
He begins to move, slowly and steady, but still his eyes slide away from me. We can get lost in this, the feeling of being inside each other.
Sometimes, the pleasure can last forever. When he’s inside me, or I’m inside him, we can push the darkness away with the pleasure and never have to face it.
He’s holding me tight as he sets up a slow rhythm, fingers clutching so hard I know it’ll bruise tomorrow. It doesn’t matter. This is what he needs.
My shoulder is wet with his tears but the rhythm doesn’t stop. He’s holding onto me like I might slip away if he doesn’t. He needs me, needs me to push away the nightmares and hold back the terror. He does the same for me. He gives me meaning.
He grabs my cock, fingers so tight, and he fists hard and wrenches the orgasm from me, almost savage.
He pushes into me and comes with a strangled cry. It’s too soon, all over too soon and he’s crying in my arms.
I say nothing, just hold him and smooth my hands across his skin. I know why he cries. He doesn’t need to explain anything to me.
He kisses my neck, rubbing against me. Skin against skin and nothing else matters.
“I…I didn’t…I couldn’t let him go.”
“I know. Hush.”
I’m here for him. I’m always here for him, doing whatever I can, though never can I give him as much as he gave me. But I will be there. Always. I’ll always do what I can. Never letting go.
I look at him in the darkness and finally, he meets my eyes. I touch his face. There is nothing to say except the words neither of us can even whisper in the darkness. I want him to say them, but I know he never will. Neither will I.
But I know and he knows. Jack loves me with his hands, his cock, his lips, his soul, if never with his words.