doing better
well... i am alive people.. if u are wondering why i said that it is cuz that guy "ben" who i was telling u about told me on monday night that he couldn't talk to me until i was legal.. i was sooooo fucked up and broken down when he told me that and i still am.. iono like i know why he did it and stuff cuz i could have costed him his career and him not seeing his kid anymore.. but i think we couldve made it work... but that is just a fourteen year olds opinion.. i dont know if u were in the position u would be obligated to think that also.. but yah.. wat made me the maddest was that when i asked him why did he lead me on so long and just end it so suddenly, he told me that he tried to end it two times before and i wouldn't let him and he said that ..that scared him.. i was like WTF????????? yah and he asked me to please pick up the phone when he called in three and a half years when i was legal............. grrrr. this is how i feel about him, and his selfishness..... he shred me into pieces and let me blow away in the wind thinking that after a while he could just find me and put back together wat we had... i dont think that will work.. because in three years ALOT of shit can happen!!! like wat if i fuckin die when he is "gone" .. i bet he would feel bad then... now that was fucked up , lol mibad. hehe. anyways that is just a fraction of wat i feel.. i dont like to talk about it alot cuz i will start crying but.. iono i am getting stronger, i am gathering myself back up again. i will be fine in a matter of weeks or maybe days hopefully!! but yah im alive lol...
today something raised my spirit and mood ~ in my last journal i speaked briefly about my old beau's best friend whom i have a crush on, yah well anyways he is in my second block class. which is a tech discovery room, well anyways i was in the videotaping module which is separated into a whole nother room... anyways dj had been coming in there secretely to talk to me and flirt with me for the past two days, but today was umm different moohhaha..
yah it was like the last three minutes of class and we were back there sitting in front of the computer with the lights off, well we started hittting eachother playfully and flirting like usual.. and he got worried about Mrs. evans coming back there and busting him, so everytime he saw her heading to what looked like the room he would run and hide in the corner right behind where the door opens, well she walked over and he ran behind the door, but she didn't come in , so i can over there and hit him in the head like i always do and he started slapping me playfully and going " what u gonna do huh huh ?? " and he pulled me against him , well i thought he was kidding and i moved away, then the hitting and talking continued and he goes " get out biatch" and i go " no u get out " and he said " no i cant with u , up against me blocking my way" and then he pulled me really close against him with his back on the wall, and he was like wat ? and i was like nothing.. and i leaned forward and kissed him lightly, then we started kissing, and the bell started ringing ( it was just like in those high school shows on tv.. haha ) and i tried to pull away but he didn't want to , but i got away and then we were just smiling really big when we walked out of the module and everyone was asking me why i was soo happy.. i told like three of my friends cuz i couldnt help it, it was the highlight of my day!!! but anyways... yah soo that was my good day.. it definetely took my mind off of "ben" hehe.. but yah maybe if i go to the game i will see him there!!
g2g yall ~ luv yah
today something raised my spirit and mood ~ in my last journal i speaked briefly about my old beau's best friend whom i have a crush on, yah well anyways he is in my second block class. which is a tech discovery room, well anyways i was in the videotaping module which is separated into a whole nother room... anyways dj had been coming in there secretely to talk to me and flirt with me for the past two days, but today was umm different moohhaha..
yah it was like the last three minutes of class and we were back there sitting in front of the computer with the lights off, well we started hittting eachother playfully and flirting like usual.. and he got worried about Mrs. evans coming back there and busting him, so everytime he saw her heading to what looked like the room he would run and hide in the corner right behind where the door opens, well she walked over and he ran behind the door, but she didn't come in , so i can over there and hit him in the head like i always do and he started slapping me playfully and going " what u gonna do huh huh ?? " and he pulled me against him , well i thought he was kidding and i moved away, then the hitting and talking continued and he goes " get out biatch" and i go " no u get out " and he said " no i cant with u , up against me blocking my way" and then he pulled me really close against him with his back on the wall, and he was like wat ? and i was like nothing.. and i leaned forward and kissed him lightly, then we started kissing, and the bell started ringing ( it was just like in those high school shows on tv.. haha ) and i tried to pull away but he didn't want to , but i got away and then we were just smiling really big when we walked out of the module and everyone was asking me why i was soo happy.. i told like three of my friends cuz i couldnt help it, it was the highlight of my day!!! but anyways... yah soo that was my good day.. it definetely took my mind off of "ben" hehe.. but yah maybe if i go to the game i will see him there!!
g2g yall ~ luv yah